Festival review by : Big Dave

Glastonbury Festival 1999

Friday 25th to Sunday 27th June 1999
Worthy Farm, Pilton, nr Glastonbury, Somerset, England
£83

First day back at work. Arse. Still, all good things must come to an end, and now that the post-festie crash has been dealt with, all I'm left with is a warm glow and some amazing memories. Niiiiiice.

Bjorn Again. Great outfits and top headbanging work by pretend Benny.
"Soo-pah-pah, Troo-pah-pah."

Gomez. Groovy, but not as amazing as last year, I guess because in 98 they were so unexpected.
"He only grows for guys he knows. And me."

REM. For the fourth time in a row (2 Glasto's, one Creamfields and one Homelands), I am mad keen to see Faithless. For the fourth time in a row, something comes up. After a day of soul searching, I decide it would be rude not to see the chaps from Athens, Georgia as I'll probably never get another chance. Very pleased with my decision. They were beautiful, and the second they arrived on stage you wondered why they didn't play every year. Rarely has a band made so much sense on a Glasto stage, in every sense of the word. Bloomin' marvellous.
"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine."

Everlast. Loved the two singles, so went to check him out. Very good, but a bit reminiscent of the wondrous FLC's, whilst being not quite as good as them. Still, enjoyed it.
"And then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues."

Freestylers. "See you next year on the main stage!!!" Too bloody right mate. To anyone else who was lucky enough to be up at the Jazzworld on Saturday morning, what a performance eh? Fantastic fantastic fantastic. If you EVER get the chance to see these guys, grab it with both hands. They are going to be huge, and I have a funny feeling that this show will be one of those which gets bigger and bigger with time. If you missed it, you missed out. Big time.
"We rock hard."

Super Furry Animals. Oh my. The lights, the tunes, the atmos, the van! I was right there, screaming about how I didn't give a fuck about anybody else, when all of a sudden this van nudges my leg! Utter madness. Massive techno finish, the band in their alien costumes, big geezer in dungarees hurling people off the roof of his van not 20 feet from the stage. Sometimes you get the feeling that artificial stimulants might be slightly redundant.
"You know we don't give a fuck about anybody else."

Orbital. Bugger me. It was over in a flash, I don't remember much of it, but I'll never be the same again. Suffice to say that one of the guys I was with went down to HMV in Ealing last Tuesday to buy any Orbital-related products he could lay his hands on, only to be told that they had completely sold out. Not even an import to be had. Respect to the Hartnoll Brothers. You rock. And to the freaks on the bus/ship/truck thing that came through the back of the crowd banging out some happy hardcore gubbins. Very clever, just please remember next time that some of us were in a rather fragile state at the time, both psychologically and emotionally, and it looked much too much like a real boat for comfort! Tripper's delight my ringpiece!! Oh, and I think we got some of the Moaning Street Sweeper's fireworks as well. Wahey!!
"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. You give love a bad name."

Al Green. He took us on a beautiful journey, to Heaven, Glastonbury, Bristol, Manchester and London. OK, so his grasp of UK geography left something to be desired, and there was a tad too much God-bothering for me, but his trawl through the 1970's was magic, and I for one truly believe that Al Green is Love. On the way out I bumped into Zoë and Norm (top showbiz pals of mine) and had a lovely chat about their wedding plans. They had apparently tried to book Al for their wedding but he was already booked. Zoë is extremely pretty, very friendly and has very small hands. Norm has very big pupils and communicated mainly through the medium of the nod and grin. And to think that it was only about 16 years ago that her Dad was teaching me Maths... Good luck to the pair of them.
"Hello London!"

Fun Lovin Criminals. Third time I've seen them, and they just keep getting better. All hail the FLC. Scooby Snacks rocked the joint and Huey's Acting School was a joy. Fisty Nuts to one and all. Another truly awful gag as well. Good work. Just one thing though. I get the feeling that Steve left under a bit of a cloud, and that Huey and Fast are a bit pissed off with him. I'm sure Mackie will be just fine, but Steve was and always will be a FLC, and we should always remember that. What I'm saying is that it was Steve who was alive in the ride, and it was Steve who's an ace and lost those brothers with haste. Mackie can play in the new tunes, but Steve should be kept alive in the old ones. Just an opinion.
"Hear the one about the buddhist monk who went up to a New York hot dog vendor and asked him to 'make me one with everything.'" He he he!!

And that was just the music!!!!!!

The Greenfields was conkers. The sound systems up in the campervan fields were spot-on, as were the blotting paper and pep-pills that they had. Red Dragons and Lobsters. Mmmm-mmm. The dance tent was banging, especially DJ Freq Nasty, and the Hippity Hoppity Sunday was cool, although I think you can have too much of a good thing. Still, I listened to Roots from a short distance away, and it sounded amazing. Can someone put me right on one thing though? Did they get all stroppy at the end of their set when they started God-bothering and the crowd wouldn't have it? From where I was sitting (collapsed) it sounded like the MC's had to chill everyone out for a couple of minutes before peace and harmony was restored. I may well have made this up.

What else? Well, halfway through Gomez I get that unmistakable rumbling and realise that I must face the toilets. I wander over the block near the Other Stage with a heavy heart and a handful of toilet paper. I get to the head of the queue, brace myself and open the door. Clean! Dry! No smell! It's a miracle! However, I get a similar rumbling on Sunday morning (whilst still off my rocker thanks to the Red Dragons) and go to the block near our camp site. Without question one of the most appalling things I've ever seen. Still, one out of two isn't bad.

Our campsite was magic. We had huge fires every night and lots of great wandering about and seeing the sights. And how addictive are camp fires? You don't half revert to caveman when there's a fire that needs tending. It's worse than remote controls! "Man make fire. Fire good. Man feed fire. Hot. Good fire. More wood..." All my stuff stinks of fire smoke and three washes later it's still there. Ah well, there are worse smells...

I love Glasto. I love it with a passion that is very unlike me. The vibe is so positive, the people so cool, the atmosphere so friendly and inclusive. We had one visit from the scumbags, but when you're camping with 20 other people, such scum are easily dealt with, using no more than dirty looks and the odd growl.

I imbibed more than my fair share of items and had a fantastic time, using my patented Glasto formula of no booze at all. You should try it. Less toilet trauma, much more energy, no headaches and no memory lapses. Well, less memory lapses anyway. I'm not advocating anything, I'm not recommending anything. Just don't rule anything out and try and keep an open mind about this life and what it has to offer you. Glasto is living breathing proof that this approach to life works. A big hello to everyone who was there, and I'll see you all next year.

Finally, a quick note to the boarders who met up on the Thursday evening at the Jazzworld, especially Si, Tim, Ros, Lorns, Storm, Lenny et al. I'm really sorry I didn't make it. I honestly meant to, but events transpired and occurrences occurred, and by 10pm on Thursday I was gone, solid gone. Still, I remembered you all and I hope you had as amazing a time as I did.

Two hours to get out of the site on Monday afternoon, which wasn't bad at all. Four hours back to the smoke. Dump my stuff, have the bestest, hottest, longest shower ever and then sleep for 13 hours.

So, what did you do this weekend?