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Entry posted by sifi August 8, 2006

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Breaking news ....

E-festival regulars admitted to hospital

Reuters (08 August 2006) (London) : Initial reports have been released by a specially created police taskforce investigate an alarming trend in hospital admissions for individuals suffering from mild concussion and bruisings. At first, the initial cases of the growing nationwide phonemon were considered as isolated, one-off admissions, however, thanks to improved communciation and technology between hospitals, a disturbing picture has started to emerge.

The first admission was thought to be in the Sunderland area of the country, where an un-named individual was admitted with severe lacerations to the forehead, and extreme swelling of the neck. Initial scans suggested a long, monotonous hammering of a hard object against the forehead, however, subsequent investigation into correlation with the patient's enlarged shoulder and neck muscles seemed to contradict this, and implied that the injuries were in fact sustained purposefully. Another case occurred approximately two days later in Leeds, with exactly the same sympthoms, with similar cases being reported across the country, and some reports from further afield.

The subsequent police investigation initially focused on the careers of the individuals, and family circumstances, but could see not real connection. It was only later when the fact that all the individuals concerned had been heavy users of the e-festival forums came to light, that the final peice of the puzzle fell into place. It would appear that all the users in question had been posting in the "Pearl Jam" threads that had become prolific within certain areas of the festival forums site. Immediately the police assigned four crack officers to investigate the threads, however, even under controlled conditions, the same sympthoms appeared on those officers.

The police inted to make a full report later in the week.

In unrelated news, the building industry recorded increased profits today, with the news that demand for brick repairwork had dramatically shot up following reports of numerous people continually banging their head against brick walls for weeks on end.

edit : I'd like to thank the most enthusiastic contributors to the Pearl Jam threads for giving me the inspiration for this blog entry. You know who you are. Please please please .