So I'm just back from Electric picnic in Ireland.. and I don't like it a bit, I just want to session on for the rest of my life.

This year I've just finished college so I had no money to buy the ticket but I had just enough money to buy some drugs and get up there with enough left to feed myself for the weekend.

I went up early on Friday with a small gang of friends and my brother, all of which had tickets. I was going to be sneaking in alone.

The only word to describe being left outside while your friends go in is misery, and you cannot let them wait for you cause they have paid there money and need to make the most of it. I started at about 3 o'clock and waked from car park B to stradbally village, though the village and out around the south facing side of the park. This diabolically long walk was to scout out all of the entry points and also to see how the security react to my presents {this is important = If you are humming around with out going into the festival eventually the security guards will start talking about you and informing the security up ahead of you that you look like a freak and are trying to sneak in}

After walking for about 2 and a half hours I was at the point on the road to the south of the park that is closest to the corner of the Jimmy Hendrix camp-site. With patchy knowledge of the lay out of this area from Google earth I picked a place to start going cross country and hopped into the bushes. I crossed a few fields and hopped over a stream and then retreated to the shelter of a patch of bushes because of a low flying police helicopter flying over head. Not knowing whether it was looking for me or people like me I stayed in my bush for an hour an 20 minutes just to be safe and to have a joint.

Once I was certain that the copter had hoped off I psyched my self up for the next stage of the sneak. I slowly climbed out of the gully that I had dived into an hours previous, quite stoned. I started down the path towards picnic and not 2 steps into my stride two guys walked across the clearing at the end of the path. They froze when they saw me while I walked sheepishly towards them down the path. Knowing that they couldn't be security I gave them the two fingered solute for peace and we introduced ourselves. They had the same plan as me so I was happy to join them and they were sound out. They were two brothers, the older one was a bit of a pussy and the younger one was quite young but very tough.

I met the brothers just before we reached the bramble forest which is adjacent to the corner of the Hendrix camp site, underestimating the size of this scrub wast area we attempted to cross it. The bramble forest was a huge field lined with dikes and drains that was covered in thick briers. The level of the briers was normally above head hight but there were occasional shallow patches. This took us four hours to get though, it was endless. on the other side of the bramble forest (east side, just to the south west of the Hendrix cam site) there is a very dangerous water way with deep holes full of water and covered by briers. There is a weir crossing this little river that you can walk across if you find it and you will be in a good position for the sneak. We made the choice not to cross the weir and found ourselves feeling very exposed as we approached the park.

Ok having snuck for five and a half hours a this point we were all ready to brake, give up and go home, had I been alone that is exactly what I would have done but since we were a team we had to go on. We reached a concrete bridge from the north side of the river. The bridge was quite exposed so someone called sketch and we hid staking out the bridge for a patrol. The stake out failed miserably because the second we popped out to dash across a tall and stern looking Scottish security guard got the jump on us and carted us out of the place.

Dehydrated and morally crushed we wandered down the Timaheo Rd south bound away from the very bad idea of sneaking through the woods. We then approached a house to see if the inhabitants could give us some water. The man living there was a single plumber with a big machine gun sitting on his kitchen table, Ignoring the gun we chatted about sneaking in with him for a while and then he offered to drive us back to the car park.

We started drinking in the car park and had some food to get our strength back before attacking again. Its half 8 The number of people around that were trying to sneak in was growing, some were sound and some were dicks but we all had the same goal. Walking from the main entrance up the cork road and back again for a bit of reconnaissance we built our confidence and looked for a way in. Wet tired and very stressed out we approached the main gate and then went right across the field and along the huge green fence that was keeping us out. we walked to the very edge of the field where it was dark and sheltered. Two other sneaks emerged from the dark behind us, wired and up for something crazy.

The five of us grabbed two stainless steal fences from a quite barrier and rushed at the huge green fence. We jammed the stainless steal fences against the big green one like a ladder and piled over it. I was first over the fence and shimmied down one of the support polls, there were two security guards on the other side not ten feet away from me so I turned and ran. The too guards watched us pile over the fence 7 men strong at this stage and then turned there backs to us while we dispersed into the woods WooPing and screaming with excitement. We came out of the woods into the rave Neutronyx and made

for the camp site.

Here reunited with my gram of MDMA and my 18 cans I began to session.. hard. I took a big scoop of it and shoved it right up my nose. Drip Drip Drip lightly buzzing I tried getting into the main arena but was refused and turned around. I wandered back to my tent, not too discouraged and found own of the lads hanging around tripping on acid so I went out and started asking people for acid. With in about five minutes of looking I got my tab and popped it into my mount.

After a pleasant hour of chatting back at the tents I came up and started staring at lights around the camp site and lost my mind in general. I cant remember the amount of tents I visited that night but it was friend making night and I met about 50 really cool people just up for a laugh.

The next day I was depressed cause I wanted to be in the arena and I was coming down off the drugs quite hard. Attempting to get into the arena again I was turned around and narrowly avoided getting thrown out by spinning a story about sleeping outside and my wristband getting cut off. Then I went up to the box office and expanded my lie and try and make myself a legitimate festival goer. The manager at the box office was a young woman and she was so sweet and kind that I genuinely felt bad lying to her but I had no other option. My friend had attended with his girlfriend so I brought him with me to vouch for me and my lost wrist band in his girlfriends place. I initialised the conversation but before long it was just my friend coked out of his brain and Buzzing like a mutherf**ker chatting away to the manager about the details of my "ticket".

Without a bother he got me the wrist band [legend].

I went back to the tents to celebrate my final completion of sneaking in with a wad of MDMA shoved up my nose. Drip Drip Drip. It was then session time and we were passing joints, drinking vodka, Shit loads of beer and taking drugs.

I find that Electric Picnic is always a kind of a competition between the indie fans and the techno heads to see who can take the most drugs and who is getting the best laugh out of it, being a simple stoner of simple tastes I sat right in the middle and had a laugh off both sides.

The recommended drugs I would say to look for are, MDMA, Acid, Yokes and weed.

If your taking the ecstasy I would say go for the MDMA cause its allot cleaner then yokes but the dosage is undefined making it easier to OD on whereas with a yoke, you take one and BOOM!

So Iv just got my wrist band and I started the MDMA off with a line snorted to get maximum bang for my buck. Then I drink on and buy a disguise to ware while I'm buzzing, I picked out a stylish hat for €8 with €2 knocked off. The hat wasn't enough though I needed some dasent shades too, I'm in the shops looking for shades and three girls come up and are like let us pick them!!! So they pick me out a smashing pair of green sunglasses and garnish them with a purple flower in the top right corner.

So were chatting any way and its going good until one of them lets it slip that they are all around 16 years old, I'm 23 . I was buzzin and they were so sweet that I just couldn't leave them so I took them all on the Ferris wheel and got them ice-creams . Ok that was really fun, buzzing is class. I knew there were some real women around not too far away so I got rid of the young pussy but not before one of them talked me into taking her on a date to the silent disco at 10. Which I did and it was class! Took her to Arcade Fire as well which was unreal! I was now hanging with a 16 year old girl her 18 year old {legal } friend and my best friend.

I was quite subtle about my drug habits in front of the girls cause they were so young but that all changed when my buddy arrived, first he pulls out a joint and were strolling around listing to music and getting stoned then he takes a bomb (MDMA wrapped up in a skin) and I take an other dab (A fingertip of MDMA sucked). So we were BUZZING

Soon the young girls realise that we aren't going to do any thing with them and that we are completely demented and they bolt.

And I says "Awww Yeah!"

So me and my buddy head into body and soul to meat a chick that we were talking to the night before and she is f**king nuts but she wasn't up for it on Saturday night so were on the way to The Chemical Brothers f**ked up and loving it.

Bluer.......

Don't know when but someone ran off with my hat late that night or I lost it and it killed my buzz so I hit the sack before it got too late, was quite late though.

Sunday night I did allot of MDMA perfectly timed to produce the most incredible feeling, starting with a line and then dabs from then on. I went around for the night with two friends, one of my closest friends and a chick that we just met. She didn't like the idea of it at first but then wanted to experiment and I was throwing drugs at people at this stage afraid of having to take it home with me. The three of us walk off into the arena floating on air and fall completely in love with each other. This was a night of free love. Then I rang nearly every person in my phone book for a chat and had a weird phone call buzz for a while. Deciding that I needed a new hat I made for the shops, I picked a hat and approached a really sexy girl who worked there. She wanted €16 for it but I just gave her a hit of MDMA and we called it quits.

The one thing I regret about the whole weekend was not asking her out and giving her more drugs and f**king her brains out like a porn star.

She would have.. but by the time I though of that her shop had closed and she was gone.. gay!

Later I get back to my soul mates with my brand new hat and we start getting very mushy in deed. My down fall was suggesting that I go back to the camp site for more alcohol and leaving the other two in body and soul.

When I got back out the Hendrix and on my own I started to lose my mind. At this stage the yoke heads in my camp had attracted more yoke heads from Dublin and my gazebo got trashed. They were all walking around like headless chickens shouting Alan compulsively as loud as they could and I hand such a laugh off them. I meet two more friends while I'm on the booze mission and crawl into there tent for some cuddling and more drugs. At this point I lose my shades and my bag of MDMA

Really close to losing my buzz on the last night I get back onto my soul mates in body and soul and they say they will give me more MDMA just to finish the night and I find my shades

Now I'm really buzzing and know not what is going on and lose my nodge but I don't care because I was in such a beautiful place with my soul mates.

I end up trying to get into body and soul again but its closed so I hop the fence. Two security guards get out of a van and start shouting at me from behind I'm in no man's land in between the fences so I walk to the far fence completely ignoring the closing security and start grooving to the beats coming out of the body and soul main stage. 2 minutes pass and I realise that they just gave up and left me there. I'm still trying to find my soul mates now but they are in a tent at it like bunny's so I head to a hut at the very back of body and soul where there is a lock in stoner session on. One of the guys in there gave me an other dab of MDMA and I lose my mind again.

6 of us total strangers of all different types are in the hut and I find my self telling endless story's that don't go anywhere for the rest of the night while they lap it up like gold. I love hippy's.

Conclusions

MDMA is a quality drug buy as much as you can and share it around.

Acid is a very good way of turning down time into trip time, I only take half a tab when I'm on MDMA.

Don't try to sneak in just buy the ticket, saves you allot of hassle.

Sneaking in is hard to do and takes balls and allot of luck.

If your on MDMA try to take hits very 3-4 hours so you don't end up losing your mind or your buzz.

MDMA is very good for taking with girls cause it makes you feel like a fluffy cuddly porn star

If your taking MDMA always ware a disguise because its fun and keeps you safe from shouting retarded things like "Alan?". .

If you insist on sneaking in here is what to do:-

From when ever you arrive till 10 o'clock on Friday night you should be drinking and getting a gang together. As soon as its ten, security loosens and its already dark so rush the fence with your new buddy's and pile into the woods, safety in numbers. Any other way and your in danger of getting in trouble with the guards or beaten up.

once your in, stay out of the arena till Saturday and lie your ass off to get a band at the box office. Your usually going to need a legitimate friend for this as well. And BOOM your in.

Electric Picnic is an amazing festival and you should consider taking drugs at it.

From this weekend on I'm changed and I'll never be the same again

Go BUZZING

By towly22 at 2011-09-06