This weeks postbag ...
Entry posted by sifi
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Following on from the underwhelming success of the sifi blog, I've received literally some messages from the ever-decreasing readership, which I thought I'd share with you in a regular "postbag" section. I've changed the user-names to protect the guilty.
The first one comes from a Mr Templeton Sonic. He writes
"I've recently started seeing a new girl, and I think she's perfect for me. We share the same predispositions, and have passionately enjoyed periods of intense predilections too. It occurs to me that our experiences of mutual mastercation - of the cud at least 
- have left me somewhat irresolute as to the state of liaison, whilst she has indicated a tendency to achieving a reciprocating harmonious affiliation"
Well, Templeton ,you needn't worry that much. It's a common enough problem. I'd suggest you thrash out your trepidations and nail down your presentiments, although obviousy you'll need to do that whilst she's not around and make sure you get everything hosed down afterwards.
Next comes a, erm, slightly shabby postcard from a Mr 'Vestibule 75'. I can't really reveal what he's written, partly because stains are obscuring some of the words, and partly because of the content, but you can all rest assured that not only have I contacted the relevant local authorities, but also that his reign of terror will soon be over, and the ducks of Great Yarmouth area will finally be able to sleep easier.
And finally, I've received a text from a Carling week-end fan. He writes "Awwww man bummer, txtin iz messin mi headn'me englis, lol, CWer". Well, CWer, all I can suggest is an intensive four day course of Crime and Punishment. If you aren't going to the Leeds festival, you could try reading Dostoevsky instead ...
Should you feel like writing to us, please use the usual address ; The Editor c/o Prisoner No 18352, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Please note, we can't guarantee to return anything that you might send to us nor indeed that you won't be aressted and exceptionally renderred by a large American gentleman by the name of Bubba shortly thereafter.
_____________________________
And now - competition time! Last week, we asked you to complete the following song titles.
The first one was "I bet you look good on the ..... " and of course the answer was "Dancefloor". I won't dignify some of the answers I received, but if you are reading this 'J' of the T in the Park boards, if you can't get it out with petroluem jelly, I'd urge you to go to the hospital immediately and get them to remove it surgically.
Next was "Sitting at the dock ..... ". The answer was of course "of the bay" and not "waiting for sentencing" as was suggested by some Millwall fans. Good try though, you lions fans - I've popped a couple of empty beer bottles in the post for you to throw at your next away game.
And finally, "Do you know the way to .... " . The answer was "Amarillo?" and not as JP, KE, JH, EI, HJ, VU, N, VJ and KT, all of the Galstonbury boards, queried "get a ticket to Glastonbury 2007?" or indeed as UT, SJ,EK, KW, KU, SMB, NT and W also of the the same boards suggested "the underground piano bar?"
Right, on to this weeks competition. I've got the top twenty chart albums here to give away to the first person we draw out the old top hat who has correctly identified who this is an impression of "Ouch, my back hurts, I must have twinged it when I got out the shower this morning".
Answers on a postcard to the address above, and I'll let you know the answer next week!
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