This weeks post bag is looking a bit sparse, so c'mon people, get your missives in - and some post might not go a miss, either. I have had a few letters, regardless - and I'll share those with you, well at least those that don't involve detailed instructions as to a new and interesting uses for root vegetables. All I will say on that is I don't think it's been cold enough this year to get a really good frost for the optimum parsnip and as such they don't retain their firmness, especially after that amount of friction.

This first note comes from one of our regulars, a Mr'Vestibule 75'. He writes "I know that you have essentially finished your page three career, however, I was interested to read that you have had another set of breast implants, and was wondering if you wouldn't mind sending me a signed picture of yourself, preferably in the bath".

Whilst a bit put out by some of the insinuations in Vestibule's letter, but always willing to please, I duly obliged by jumping in the tub and , making the most of the bubbles. I was going to send it back by return, but it was brought to my attention that a Mr Vestibule has been arrested for sending threatening letters to Katie Price, formerly known as Jordan, which were of a crude nature and apparently involved placing root vegetables in strange places, some of which were physically impossible. All I can say on the matter is that I have sympathies for her and the distress missives of that nature can cause.

Next up is a note from an sifiblog regular who wishes to remain anonymous. She says "Dear Sifi, I'm a voluptuous, tall, blonde, pretty 36-34-36 woman and I would like to carry your children".

Now, I'm not one to turn down an offer like that! And what red-blooded male would! Especially as the kids are getting to that age where they are heavy to heave around the place, so a spare set of hands will be brilliant, especially in the supermarket. So if you don't mind meeting me outside Tescos, in Lagos, on Saturday at three, that would be much appreciated. I don't suppose you would mind sitting for a few hours, would you?

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And now, time for the answers to last week's competition. First up, the "What's wrong with this picture round?", where I posted a picture and you had to identify what was wrong with it. Well, of course, there's no way that Girls Aloud would have visited the British Museum in mid-winter wearing only their underwear. Clearly, it should have the Tate Modern.

And to the finish the song title round. I asked you to complete the title of "I'll never fall in _____ again". The answer was of course "love", but as usual, I had a few answers that were fairly wide of the mark - and if you are reading this C of the Download boards, I can only hope you've washed since.

The final song title was "___________ keep falling on my head", and of course the answer is raindrops. Again, C of the Download boards, please tell me you managed to get what you suggested out of your hair without having to get it cut - it's been upsetting me for a few days now.

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