Damn this wait!
Entry posted by 5co77ie
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The waiting's doing my head in now - still months before they re-evaluate my nervous system and then give me any drugs to combat the thing. My feeling is intermittent in my legs - it's mainly numbness or slight pins and needles but today my ankles and the tops of my metatarsals are giving me jyp!
My hands have good or bad days - yesterday i had feeling in them for the first times in months - mostly they feel as though i've been pummelling sand and they're numb and not completely mine.
Had a crazy night in the storm last night - dark shadows visited me and told me "Your family is f**ked now!" so i shouted back - but K says i must have dreamt the whole thing as i didn't wake her. Nice dreams huh? So anyway i lay awake from about 4am going over my life and how i took the wrong turns years ago etc - ahhh nothing like a long night of the soul to make you firstly paranoid and then slowly happy for the dawn chorus and the crack of light of a new day. Bizarrely my watch keeps stopping the moment I fall asleep which is all adding to a great feeling of unreality. I keep expecting to wake up back in 1995 clutching a bong - going "Wow! what a trip!"
Think i need to get out of the house and wander about on the coast or in some woods for a while but my weekends are too full this side of Christmas and it seems to be dark whenever I've got what i need to do done. I hate this time of year. it's a real mental rollercoaster ride downwards into a tunnel of depression until we hit the shortest day. Some years have been far worse for me than this - especially when i was on acid or shrooms - so at least it's less of a mess in my head.
Archery was terrible too last night - i couldn't stop my limbs randomly shaking - long enough to fire the arrows. So from top archer last week to worst on the mound this weekend - but i blame a lack of sleep. As the pains in my muscles have been keeping me awake.
Plus it's last week of training next week then i become a fully numbered member of the GNAS - and can shoot anywhere in the country.
If we can sort buying a tipi for festivals next year then i might take my bow too (leave it in the car obviously) - most festivals seem to be near to GNAS field sites - so a bit of a shoot first thing in the morning would be nice. 
Which has made me think possibly we'll take the tipi off somewhere end of festie season and I could try for a few rabbits or pheasent - enjoy the simple life for a weekend. I think William's idea of a nice long walk for a paper in the morning is a good idea.
I'll blog again when my mind's on bigger issues.
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