One Thing You Have To Do or See

[ashcoates]

Just thought I'd bump this, as there seems to be more people on here now.....

[seebee71]

Woohoo! Must be time for my annual post on toilets!

With apologies to Mary Schmich and Baz Luhrman...

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2009. Take a crap.

If I could offer you only one tip for the toilets....crapping would be it.

The long term benefits of crapping have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of a dump; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of a dump until it has faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of a long drop and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous that dump really was. Portaloos are not as messy as you imagine.

Don't worry about the shepees; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; that wet patch on your leg that someone points out to you at 4pm on some idle Thursday. Wear dark trousers.

Do one dump everyday that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with opening long drop doors, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Ouch.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself. The person next to you is not having a better dump.

Remember the clean portaloos, forget the dirty ones; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, use them as toilet paper. Stretch. Don't strain, it'll give you piles. Don't feel guilty if you don't know where you want to do your dump. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 where they wanted to go, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to the back of your knees, you'll miss them if you go properly. Maybe you'll dump every day, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have diarrhea, maybe you won't, maybe you'll squeeze one out at midnight, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken trying to avoid the seat. What ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your aim is half chance, so is everybody else's.

Enjoy your dump, do it every way you can: don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest dump you'll ever take. Dump. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own tent. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they are too slippy to use for wiping. Get to know your flushing loos, you never know when they'll be backed up for good. Be nice to your neighbours; they are the best link to your tent and the people most likely to stick with you in the next five days.

Understand that long drops come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to keep the door closed while perched over the gaping hole.

Camp in Pennards once, but leave before it makes you hard; camp in the backstage area once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, it will rain at Glasontbury, fields are muddy, you too will need a dump, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young Glastonbury was sunny, fields were green and toilets were always sparkling. Respect the hedges.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Hover over the seat on your own. Maybe you have a roll of loo paper, maybe you have a box of wet wipes; but you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's Saturday, it will look rough.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. Like a wallet from the long drops. But trust me on taking a crap.

The above is a hastily done adaptation of the Mary Schmich article in Chicago Tribune which was turned into a song by Baz Luhrman which you can find here...

[lew20]

Be up near our camp site in Big Ground ( we look down onto the Pyramid Stage - and can see most of the site )

at the time it is just getting dark on the Wednesday night. Some lights start to appear all over the site and

a big cheer goes up.

It is the most beautiful sight in the world !

Very spiritual and etheral !