Favourite quotes/sayings/one liners/insults

[swede]

f**k em all, rag mans trumpet, big end first (an old guy at my work says this whenever something goes wrong)

It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.

e.e. cummings

I do not live in the world of sobriety. - Oliver Reed

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars - Oscar Wilde

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest

Hes got Diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain

After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest

[dakyras]

Venison; dear, isn't it?

[RABun]

Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you filthy bung, away! Henry IV- Shakespeare

"She is spherical, like a globe, i could find out countries in her" A comdey of errors

"In Ruben's time, i would have been celebrated as a supermodel, Kate Moss would have been used as a paint brush" Dawn French

[rabid]

There is nothing good about who you are or what you do - Cleveland Brown

If I had all the money I've spent on drink I'd spend it all on drink. - Sir Henry

[gratedenini]

After a drunken night out and unfulfilling sexual activity...

"Alan, you`ve got a cock like a bookies pencil*"

"Aye pet, and your fanny is like Terry Waites Allotment!"

*substitute Argos Pencil for those non-gamblers

den

[Alcatraz]

Copernicus called; it turns out you're not the centre of the universe

[jimbob_no1]

There's a few good curses in Wolf Hall which I'm currently reading...

"Oh, by the thrice beshitten shroud of Lazarus!", being my current favourite! I'd love to shoehorn that into conversation somehow!

[llcoolphil]

Copernicus called; it turns out you're not the centre of the universe

[ampersand]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb7FgSzeGqg

[minute5072]

I remember seeing two guys arguing. One of them got lost for words and ummed and awwed for a bit before coming out with the classic "aye...well...you can go eat a dick mate!"

Never fails to crack me up

[//ross]

answering 'how are you?' with 'peaks and troughs'