Difficult anniversaries

[Steve P]

It's coming up to a year since my friend Joe died. I still find myself thinking about him every day and talk about him with my mates all the time. People are beginning to mention what we should do to mark the anniversary. I'm just not sure what I could handle. I know in my heart that he'd want us to go out drinking and celebrate his life, but I don't think i'm fully ready for that still. This is the first time i've approached an anniversary of this sort so just don't know what to feel or how to mark it.

I'm sure a few of you have gone through similar things and I was wondering how you approached it.

[jump]

I go out and drinking with our friends and tell stupid stories about him, something I still do 3 years on.

[The Nal]

Sorry to hear about that Steve.

If you’re not up to going out on the tear, how about a low key sort of ritual/event you could do every year. What did he like doing?

If he liked footie, play a match with your mates in his honour.

If he liked fishing, go fishing for the day.

Something like that?

[RABun]

Its a while to go yet but we will have a similar anniversary next April.

I think you should go out drinking if thats what he would want you to do. Whatever you feel is the right way to feel. You'll also probably find that it turns into a really good cathartic night. A bit like a funeral wake its not as awful as you think its going to be.

[Steve P]

In some ways one of the trickiest things will be that whatever happens, either me or the better half will have to stay at home with the little one whilst the other goes out. I'd almost rather we stayed in together so one isn't one their own. At the same time, between us we tend to hold our group of mates together quite a lot and feel that at least one of us should be there. Really difficult position, life can be really shite at times.

[saratink]

Personally, i celebrate the persons birthday still, and don't do anything in particular for the date of the death.

[rachbon]

In some ways one of the trickiest things will be that whatever happens, either me or the better half will have to stay at home with the little one whilst the other goes out. I'd almost rather we stayed in together so one isn't one their own. At the same time, between us we tend to hold our group of mates together quite a lot and feel that at least one of us should be there. Really difficult position, life can be really shite at times.

[llcoolphil]

why don't you invite people round to your house so that you and your other half can both be there? then you don't have the stress of an organised event and you could all just sit around having a wee drink and telling stories about him?

[Rufus Gwertigan]

It's coming up to a year since my friend Joe died. I still find myself thinking about him every day and talk about him with my mates all the time. People are beginning to mention what we should do to mark the anniversary. I'm just not sure what I could handle. I know in my heart that he'd want us to go out drinking and celebrate his life, but I don't think i'm fully ready for that still. This is the first time i've approached an anniversary of this sort so just don't know what to feel or how to mark it.

I'm sure a few of you have gone through similar things and I was wondering how you approached it.

[Steve P]

Thanks for the suggestions. Might try and get some friends over to ours, but maybe on another day. We're really good friends with his wife and family so it's down to them in the end what we do and where we do it. Would want to be there to support them rather than do something to suit me. As much as I'm still hurting I know what they're going through is 100 times worse and we want to be there for them. It's a bit awkward in as much as they're all very religious and so want to do something at their church. ALthough i'd happily go along I feel a bit uncomfortable with it all. Whilst what happened (he drowned whilst on holiday) seems to have strengthened their faith it only confirmed to me that there is no god as nobody would plan to take somebody like Joe away. I don't know, i'm rambling a bit here now.

As a few of you have asked what he liked doing, well his biggest love was music and gigs. I went with him to Glasto 3 times and spent a fair bit of time thinking of him this year. He'd have loved it and would also have loved you guys. Thanks