Embarrasing/crazy stories of being wasted/pissed...

[eFestivals]

what?

i'm not disagreeing with the 20% thing.

i don't dislike english people for being english, i don't know many people who do, so why should i take it as a joke when i haven't made jokes like that myself?

i was just curious as to why you say these things..

you're a very strange man.

OK, let's just write it off to your major sense of humour failure then - cos that's the only thing that's clear from these few posts.

[rachbon]

aye.

[rachbon]

.

Edited October 11, 2010 by _rachelbon

[evilhasnever]

why do you always say horrible things about scottish people?

[rexclark]

Even the scots hate the scots

[rexclark]

Yup... but you pointed out the most important part and why it was valid comment...

[minute5072]

And a death rate of 20% due to alcohol to keep up too.

[eFestivals]

Because he had a bad experience at T in the Park and seems to hold a grudge against all Scots because of it

I think the whole of Scotland should have it's own comedy show - where they can demonstrate that they can laugh at themselves sometimes. Rather than showing themselves as humourless pricks with the world's biggest chip on their shoulders.

Or is it just that they can't take jokes from the English? Thus showing themselves as no less racist than the opinion of racism some have taken from what is nothing more than a harmless and meaningless quip of the type that people make all the bleeding time.

[rachbon]

i have a sense of humour. you're just not funny.

[eFestivals]

Could be worse, could be English eh?

whether you're happy with the trade-off or not, I'd say us English are.

[eFestivals]

i have a sense of humour. you're just not funny as you're English and daring to make a harmless joke about Scots

corrected for you.

[rachbon]

corrected for you.

[eFestivals]

jeeso. no seriously. you're just not funny.

joking about 20% of Scots killing themselves by drinking is far more funny that the reality of 20% of Scots killing themselves by drinking.

[sifi]

My personal top three smashed / stoned "incidents".

3. Being violently sick on a complete stranger on the district line, and then passing the woman a towel which I used to carry - you've got to know where your towel is - so she could clean herself up and running off the tube at Barons Court.

2. Being slung in a cell overnight for physically assaulting a Polish boarder guard on an overnight train from Berlin to Warsaw. I and my buddy were passed out having drunk some strong schapps, and this guard tried to wake me up my flicking my ear. I thought it was my mate pissing around, so I punched full in the face. I realised it wasan't my my mate when he pointed a gun at me.

1. Being physically ejected and told not to come back again at the Vatican City, having got stoned before lying admiring the Sistine Chappel and getting into a row when the third Japanese tourist tripped over me as he didn't notice me on the floor because he was too busy filming the ceiling with his camcorder. There were some words, most of which I didn't understand because they were in Japanese, and their tour guide called over the Swiss Guard, who carted me off to the security barracks, took my details, my picture and escorting me to the Via Gregorio.

I used to be a bit of a joker in my younger days.

Edited October 12, 2010 by sifimaster

[rachbon]

you used to carry a towel around?

[sifi]

you used to carry a towel around?

[jump]

On a simliar note to Scifimaster, when I was 13-15ish I went on a school trip to Maduamme Tussands and looking at wax statues got very boring so we sneeked off and went to an off licence and got a few cans of Red Stripe and my mate had some weed on him, after about 20/30 mins we decided to go to sex shop that my friend swore was right around the corner.

It took us 30 mins to find the place so we run around laughing at the dildos, blow up dolls etc. and my mate tries to buy something (I forget what) and they refuse to serve him and we get into an arguement untill they threaten to call the police at which point we leg it out of there.

We then wonder around till we finally realise that everyone on the trip was meant to regroup about 15 mins ago. so we leg it back and we are 40 mins late. During that time the school had rung our parents to inform them we were missing and my mate got threatened (because he was the smallest in the group so he was "less 'ard") that if someone missed the train back he'd have the shit kicked out of him. One of the teachers asks us where we were and I reply "Oooh, we though you meant this time we were inside but we wanted fresh hour so we went and sat on a bench around the corner" which they believed untill one of the teachers is sitting next to my mate on the train back and starts quizzing him on the smell on his cloths.

Edited October 12, 2010 by jump

[The Nal]

1. Being physically ejected and told not to come back again at the Vatican City,

[Pogues Mcgogues]

joking about 20% of Scots killing themselves by drinking is far more funny that the reality of 20% of Scots killing themselves by drinking.

[eFestivals]

See I'd say that suggesting that Scots don't like jokes made about them from English folks is a setereotype type thing.

It's actually something I wouldn't have said without someone having posted the Trainspotting quote yesterday (tho I was only taking the piss when I said it - I didn't particularly mean it with any seriousness). It had never occurred to me until then.

(I actualy enjoyed your initial joke)

I'm glad to see that not all Scottish people have had a sense of humour bypass.

As you seem to have got, I meant it as a joke off the back of that 20% statistic, and nothing more.

The only thing that gets on me a bit with a joke made about they kind of statistics is that it applies mostly to folk in poverty (I'm sure you've heard of poverty divisions in Scotland and how extreme they can be area to area) and I don't think you'd make a similiar joke with a similiar statistic about a 'rough' scheme or that in your town/city. Therefore I don't think it's too good to make it on a larger scale. But I'm a class warrior!

*I'm unsure how bad you think it is, I assume you think it's more widespread than what I'm suggesting it is?

TBH, I'd not put much thought into how those stats pan out in real life, but I'd presume that what you say here is in the right ball park, and that it's mainly a poverty driven thing.

But of course, it's not purely that - things such as a culture of 'hard drinking' becomes embedded in wider society to some extent (as most sub-cultural things do), and the likes of the dead/pissed bodies that have to be stepped over before 1pm at T in the Park but which I've never seen at an English fest get to show it's a wider thing than just with the strictly-poor.

[rachbon]

do you really think that much of yourself that if someone doesn't laugh at one of your jokes, they don't have a sense of humour?

you're just not funny.

Edited October 12, 2010 by _rachelbon

[Pogues Mcgogues]

It's actually something I wouldn't have said without someone having posted the Trainspotting quote yesterday (tho I was only taking the piss when I said it - I didn't particularly mean it with any seriousness). It had never occurred to me until then.

[rachbon]

Just out of my experience, you go to Glasgow on a night out, you know the places where everyone will be ridiculously drunk, you know the places where people will be drinking loads but not in the same state as the other lot. In the city centre tho, I've never realy seen that much violence which is weird given how pissed everyone is and considering I go out to Glasgow loads. Outside the city centre you have to know where's where kinda thing. I suppose that's the same as most cities in the UK. Not too sure why Scotland has more trouble with drink tho overall.

[eFestivals]

do you really think that much of yourself that if someone doesn't laugh at one of your jokes, they don't have a sense of humour?

you're just not funny.

Well you are, you're making me laugh. A LOT!!!

If what you said was true, you might have a point. But as you didn't just not laugh, did you?

why do you always say horrible things about scottish people?

Instead, you've decided for no reason whatsoever - and certainly not on the basis of any truth - that I "always say horrible things about scottish people?"

What is in fact going on is that only negative things get your attention, while the positives pass you by entirely. And via which you always get free chip with your fish.

Get over yourself, really. You'll be much happier if you do. You might even manage to laugh now and then.

[rachbon]

Well you are, you're making me laugh. A LOT!!!