The Tablet

[gratedenini]

At last! Its all finally gone. I shat the last bit out an hour ago... I am going to make an effort in the run up to Christmas to shit more regular.But, I`m alone in this and its difficult to motivate mesell.Maybe I need some sort of Dropping Partner or Buddy?I`m now gonna go for a long walk with My Dog Milosovich

den

[rabid]

At last! Its all finally gone. I shat the last bit out an hour ago... I am going to make an effort in the run up to Christmas to shit more regular.But, I`m alone in this and its difficult to motivate mesell.Maybe I need some sort of Dropping Partner or Buddy?I`m now gonna go for a long walk with My Dog Milosovich

den

[RABun]

Seriously?

Can we not just put up with the one thread about the status of your bowels?

[Steve P]

Maybe we can turn this into some kind of reality tv show

"It's day 13 of Rectum Watch, and the mood is tense"

[rabid]

Maybe we can turn this into some kind of reality tv show

"It's day 13 of Rectum Watch, and the mood is tense"

[rabid]

you have to wonder about what's going in the mind of someone who thinks such things might be of the vaguest of interests to anyone

[ampersand]

Don't ever let him have your mobile number. Just don't.

[rabid]

silly boy

though den and SHORT messaging service doesn't go hand in hand in my mind!

[RABun]

Having gone up to record levels of plus 1s - den is on his way back to earth with a dump (pun intended)

[gratedenini]

Oooooo I see My Reputation has dropped to 33 because of this post.

But, me posting my Tales of the Turdleburger is therapy for me in a way.

I`ve had this problem all of my life...and if i can speak openly about it on here to strangers, my counsellor thinks it might go some way towards curing this strangest of afflictions.

Can any of you imagine keeping a Babies Arm in whilst in the bread aisle in Morrisons...and looking normal whilst doing so?Over the years I have developed various disguising techniques,but with the advent of the mobile phone--this task is now much easier for i just stand anywhere now and cross my legs and pretend to be on the phone...uttering rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb like an extra on Emmerdale.

I dont know if its pscho-sematic or what--but just about everytime i go into the library.... a monks head wants out....maybe its the constant leaning over to view the titles I dont know, but I`ve had to move on quite pronto on many occasion after leaving a gas cloud adjacent to Biography & History!

See.. you might be laughing... but this is reality for me.

When I turned 14... me mam said to me "Right Our Den. Thats it--I`m not breaking up anymore. You`ll have to do it yourself!"

Up until then..Mam used to don the glove and break the logs up..then all of a sudden, the responsibilty fell onto my shoulders!

I chose my stick carefully. It was like the bit of stick Rigsby tries to lure Miss Jones with, in that mine also came from a wardrobe.

That stick stayed with me for 13yrs through thick (mainly thick) and thin..and it was only when I got married and moved out did I let it go.

Over the years I`ve also had to devise techniques of trying to move STICKERS... y`know the ones that just stay there!

I`ve perfected the Double Flush. With this method..one flushes but whilst the initial flush is taking place..one flushes again with a constant up and down motion of the right hand.

Another quite succesful method I`ve found is The Cover.. I used this when there is a stubborn bit clinging to the side... I cover the burger in a shroud like layer of trap-papier..which in effect increases the surface area of the obstruction so that when the water hits it...the paper holds the moisture for a split second longer, thus sometimes facilitating a safe journey home for my loved one.

So, please bear with me on this my fellow efesters.Be with me if you can

Text updates are available as has been promoted by recent subscriber Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra beeeeeedo.

thanks

den

[RABun]

Maybe it would be more appropriate for you to post here

[gratedenini]

Maybe it would be more appropriate for you to post here