singles thread

[jump]

I always find the best Londons date normally involve wandering around Camden/Shoreditch/Hamleys and just making fun of everything/one we pass with some loose aim in mind like bowling/cinema etc for afterwards.

[Lithium05]

Right, I suppose it's time again for a patented Lithium05 tale of woe, just once I'd like to come in this thread with something positive to say, and if I'd had the time to post just over a week ago, I probably would have.

Had a wonderful first date with this girl in London, and an even better second date more locally, thought things were going really well, then about this time last week the responses to my texts got less frequent and more brief, then dropped off altogether on friday. When I didn't receive so much as a merry christmas (despite sending one) and having noticed some suspicious Facebook posts, I texted to see what was going on, and was eventually (boxing day evening) given the response I was kind of expecting, but was done in a way that all I could think was "bullshit". Basically she told me that the distance we live apart was too much (45 minute drive, and we both drive) and the far more devastating one from my perspective (given the fact I have often lacked a work ethic in the past, and struggle to maintain a job for very long without finding a reason to hate it and leave, or fuck it up by half arsing it) was that she cited my work rota as a reason she didn't think it would work. I work in a shop, it was Christmas week. Not every week is like that. So being the tool/glutten for punishment I am, I decided I wanted to know the truth, so basically negated all her points with logic and truth, which was daft, and got no response. Why I couldn't just take her very nicely written (despite the aforementioned smell of bullshit) "I don't think it can work" text at face value, just think "shame" and move on I have no idea, I suppose when I feel I know about more going on I feel the need to prove myself right or something.

But I'm looking forward now, not backwards. Rock club for new years eve, day off both new years eve and day, given the occasion there are definite conversation starters such as "how was 2011 for you?" means I shouldn't run out of things to talk about which is usually an issue, so yeah I'm bringing the thunder, confidence took a knock, but I reckon it might be stronger now than it's ever been for the times I've been posting in this thread, might have something to do with the 6 stone I've lost since this time last year!

Edit: in hindsight that didn't turn out as negative as I'd expected, this bodes well

Edited December 28, 2011 by Lithium05

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Shame it didn't work out for you. Never mind, there are plenty more fish in the sea. You've lost 6 stone in a year! Hell of an achievement. Keep positive. I'd also suggest not over analysing the reasons why your recent dates didn't amount to further dates. You have to reflect but going overboard with it will just screw your head up.

[Katster]

This is not totally singles related but could be if things don't get sorted and I really really don't know what to do

Basically, I don't think I ever want children, but my bloke of 3 years does.

So what do we do? We have spoke about it briefly but he fobs me off and says it doesn't matter but to me that's a huge thing, isn't it?!

I am 31 and still have never felt that huge desire that all women told me I would eventually get. And I certainly don't want to be an old mum to a baby, if I even want to be a mum at all.

Surely he will resent me in years to come? Is it better to go our separate ways now to give him the chance of finding someone who can give him what I don't want to give?

I really think it is starting to cause problems between us and although I love him I am no longer quite sure if we are right for each other.

Happy new year

[greenfairy43]

Oh Katster, what a horrible situation, it's clear to see how smitten you are with Mr Cheese. But surely you need to properly talk about this, not just a quick word in passing. It's a huge decision, either way.

Nobody can tell you what to do, you know that. You 2 need to really talk about this.

Don't envy you one bit though

[feral chile]

Katster, as long as he knows how you feel, it's his choice to stay with you. It would be totally unreasonable of him to blame you in later years.

Greenfairy's right, you need to have a proper talk about this, and he needs to know your fears. Don't let him fob you off by saying it doesn't matter, because it clearly matters to you.

[Katster]

Katster, as long as he knows how you feel, it's his choice to stay with you. It would be totally unreasonable of him to blame you in later years.

Greenfairy's right, you need to have a proper talk about this, and he needs to know your fears. Don't let him fob you off by saying it doesn't matter, because it clearly matters to you.

I appreciate it would be unreasonable for him to resent me but can I live with myself knowing I haven't given him what he really wants?

I agree we need to talk but he just keeps on refusing to. Time will tell I guess.

I just don't seem to make him happy these days, in lots of other ways too, the baby thing was just the icing on the cake

[feral chile]

I appreciate it would be unreasonable for him to resent me but can I live with myself knowing I haven't given him what he really wants?

I agree we need to talk but he just keeps on refusing to. Time will tell I guess.

I just don't seem to make him happy these days, in lots of other ways too, the baby thing was just the icing on the cake

Try to stop worrying so much. If he refuses to discuss it, he can't really see it as a major problem. Try to have fun together, and relive what brought you together in the first place.

[Katster]

He is refusing to discuss it because he likes to bury his head in the sand. I don't. Like I said, I am making him unhappy in other ways too at the moment. Not so sure we are such a perfect match these days.

I am a firm believer in what will be will be though and he knows I want to talk about it so the ball is in his court now.

As long as we get it sorted eventually it will be ok whatever happens I am sure.

Thanks.

[feral chile]

He is refusing to discuss it because he likes to bury his head in the sand. I don't. Like I said, I am making him unhappy in other ways too at the moment. Not so sure we are such a perfect match these days.

I am a firm believer in what will be will be though and he knows I want to talk about it so the ball is in his court now.

As long as we get it sorted eventually it will be ok whatever happens I am sure.

Thanks.

yeah it's really difficult, women being communicators and men not. It's like they think the problem only becomes tangible if it's mentioned. To them, that's probably exactly how it feels, because the conversation is what's getting to them, bringing all those uncomfortable feelings to the fore, while avoiding the issue avoids the feelings associated with it.

Hope it gets sorted for you Kat, and like you say, you've offered to discuss it, you've done your bit.

Edited January 3, 2012 by feral chile

[Katster]

Managed to pin him down for a chat tonight. We didn't even talk about the baby stuff just a whole heap of other stuff that needed sorting. Both feeling much better now but some things that make him unhappy are out of our control for now.

Time will tell. It's not going to be solved overnight but at least we are talking. He just actually decided what we are doing this weekend, he normally says he's not bothered and leaves it up to me to decide! Progress! Ha ha.

[feral chile]

Managed to pin him down for a chat tonight. We didn't even talk about the baby stuff just a whole heap of other stuff that needed sorting. Both feeling much better now but some things that make him unhappy are out of our control for now.

Time will tell. It's not going to be solved overnight but at least we are talking. He just actually decided what we are doing this weekend, he normally says he's not bothered and leaves it up to me to decide! Progress! Ha ha.

Glad things are better now.

[Pogues Mcgogues]

I'm back and sexier than ever! (tho I have just shaved off my beard)

[jump]

I'm back and sexier than ever! (tho I have just shaved off my beard)

Did your missus dump you because she found out you were gay?

[Katster]

Glad things are better now.

They are better, but they aren't perfect. Time will tell.

[Pogues Mcgogues]

Did your missus dump you because she found out you were gay?

what a horrible timing of a joke to a heart so fragile!

[jump]

Urgh, not even 8am this morning I had to put up with being called a cheater and trying to talk to her about it on a rammed tube because my missus went through my phone and found a txt from a girl (I've not slept with or kissed) that wasn't her and now she's stopped replying to me. I miss being single!

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

The grass is always greener on the other side. Being single isn't all fun and games.

[nightcrawler13]

The grass is always greener on the other side. Being single isn't all fun and games.

uhhh, i beg to differ

my ex and I were together for almost two year, the first 3 months were bliss (when she lived in Edinburgh and i lived in Manchester), the next 9 months were less so. It turns out that being in an educational bubble living with quite tame people kept her at bay, but upon moving back to manchester the selfish, unthinking mentalist side of her had to grow and growwwww.

Arguments began to happen, about silly things, like that I couldn't cook her eggs exactly the way she liked All the nice things i did for her were washed over and none were done back for me. I still loved her though, because i knew beneath this selfish facade was the girl i fell in love with at the beginning, that side would come back eventually of course?

The breaking line was after me spending a week of putting together a scrapbook of all the things we had done together, i gave it to her on our anniversary and she literally said 'Oh this is lovely, what's it for?'

I then spent the next 9 months knowing she was not the girl I was going to marry one day, only in the back of my head though, I was still kind of embarrassed that i had spent three years single and then fallen for such a dick. I tried to make things work, i tried to remove the idea that romance is a thing that couples do, that arguing a few times a week is completely normal after a year, that getting wasted is much nicer then actually DOING stuff....

But i have two friends, we shall called them Swin and Koo, who are a couple and mega lovely. They started going out just after us and have had one argument in that time. They paint together every sunday, go on bike rides, cook for each other, discuss differences in opinion and able to get wasted together without it being the crutch of their relationship. Their happiness made me know that though what I had is probably better then what a percentage of people out there do, it was not good enough. I wanted more, i wanted better, and i fucking deserved better.

Unfortunately we were 6 months in to a house contract, and i had promised her when we first moved in together i would never fuck her over like her ex did. So 6 more months of pretending i was happy was the only way to go... Then god smiled

I broke my knee and elbow in a bike accident, the next morning my ex's phone alarm went off downstairs, i asked her to go turn it off and she told me to do it and turned over to sleep. So crawled to my crutches, i hobbled downstairs, i remembered that she had told me drunk once that she had cheated on most of her boyfriends.... I checked her phone for anything incriminating, nothing.... I checked her facebook on her laptop, a message between her and a friend discussing if she had ever told me about the mini affair she had months ago.... "Dan's a really nice guy, you're a dickhead to risk losing him' 'I know, i'm just going to forget about it and not risk anything'

......

HURRAY!!!!

I now had a reason to leave her, not that we just weren't right for each other, but she was a liar and a slut. I was obviously upset to a degree, I had given my heart to this girl and over the space of two years she pulled it apart bit by bit. This was the last bit, I was now a free man.

And i am, I now live with the two lovliest housemates in the world. I have stopped travelling in circles of 4 day benders and spending all available cash on booze. I go on lots of dates, and i'm happier then I have been in years.

If my story can help anyone reading it in any way, then please let it, sometimes the person we create in our heads can turn out to be someone just not right for us. But you always have the filter of the first person you fell in love with to judge them against. If you are no happy, and you KNOW you are not going to be unless essentially you both become different people, then do not kid yourself. A lifetime of mediocre smiles is not worth it, being kind of happy together is not the purpose of a relationship. The heartbreak you must put yourself through will allow you AND your partner to find someone out of the billions of folk out there that make you HAPPY.

Every one of us deserves to be happy

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Glad to hear your happy now nightcrawler13. You are right to a degree as I should have said the grass is 'often' greener on the other side rather than 'always'.

I had a misses like your last one. She shagged 5 other blokes while going out with me and then ran off out of the blue with the 6th bloke. At first it hurt but now I realise she was quite an evil manipulative person who essentially walked all over me. However singledom can have it's lonely moments - hence me saying it's not all fun and games. I guess you are much younger than me so still have youthful exuberance on your side. Happy to hear you are revelling in it. Regards.

[nightcrawler13]

However singledom can have it's lonely moments

completely agree to be honest, i think i ended up with my ex because the lovely moments were naff

as rational as you think you are, sometimes is impossible to convince your brain that you don't need someone. I wish i had better Buddhist skills

[Kyelo]

Is it strange that at 24 I have been single for 5years? and have little libido(in that unlike my friends and vast numbers of my age group I don't go out at the weekend to "get a sh*g")yet really don't give a hoot? Yeah I'd like a relationship if it arose but I'm quite content as I am

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

' I wish i had better Buddhist skills'

I completely understand where you are coming from there. Unfortunately I'm too lazy to work at what they achieve.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Is it strange that at 24 I have been single for 5years? and have little libido(in that unlike my friends and vast numbers of my age group I don't go out at the weekend to "get a sh*g")yet really don't give a hoot? Yeah I'd like a relationship if it arose but I'm quite content as I am

That's the thing with libido. I used to have a libido that had a mind all of it's very own. I'm ashamed to say I let it have it's way despite being in relationships. Oddly enough I then 'grew up' and not long after lost my libido. Now I'm finally a decent person to hook up with if you're the opposite sex, but could hardly do the business if that's what they were interested in. Well, I could at a push but it no longer seems important to me. I'm not sure if this has come about because (A) It was always going to be the way, ( I've done so many class A's that I've neutered myself © I'm on heavy duty doses of heavy duty prescription drugs that neutralise desire.

[Pogues Mcgogues]

Nice read nightcrawler and I'm glad you're happier!

I like getting drunk tho. It's top! It's great as well cause I still don't get hangovers and I probably should!