singles thread

[Snufflebutt]

I have been telling her friends that it's best just to play match maker and find a boy for her but they don't want to go there as it leads to trouble and the last couple of my friends she met was just far too different.

I got a text the other day saying thanks for stepping in and talking to her (bit just avoiding saying if she was really ok in general or not) on that night.

I would say the whole 'matchmaking' thing with friends and all that isn't the way to go in this case, and mostly in general. It is apparently true that most long term relationships come out of friends of friends - but i'd be willing to bet that such meetings are kind of by chance - at parties and stuff. Maybe ask her to come out with you when you are going out with other friends that she hasnt met?

Right, wee bit of advice needed about second date protocol. I had the most amazing first date last night. Talked for hours - quickest 5 hours ever which is always a good sign. But I stupidly asked her 'so am I getting a second date then' - a totally useless question cos no matter what happens she'll say 'yes' not to hurt my feelings. But she seemed like she was enjoying herself? We texted a bit late last night and have vowed not to text her again unless she texts me (it's so difficult!)

When is it good to ask for a second date, do you reckon? I'm terrified of pestering her because I know that my female friends hate it when a guy does it

[jump]

I would say the whole 'matchmaking' thing with friends and all that isn't the way to go in this case, and mostly in general. It is apparently true that most long term relationships come out of friends of friends - but i'd be willing to bet that such meetings are kind of by chance - at parties and stuff. Maybe ask her to come out with you when you are going out with other friends that she hasnt met?

Right, wee bit of advice needed about second date protocol. I had the most amazing first date last night. Talked for hours - quickest 5 hours ever which is always a good sign. But I stupidly asked her 'so am I getting a second date then' - a totally useless question cos no matter what happens she'll say 'yes' not to hurt my feelings. But she seemed like she was enjoying herself? We texted a bit late last night and have vowed not to text her again unless she texts me (it's so difficult!)

When is it good to ask for a second date, do you reckon? I'm terrified of pestering her because I know that my female friends hate it when a guy does it

Nah, the guys I knew really aren't suitable for her.

What did she say when you asked on the night? I'll just wait to you 2 start texting & flirting again and ask her when it feels comfortable and the right moment.

[Snufflebutt]

Nah, the guys I knew really aren't suitable for her.

What did she say when you asked on the night? I'll just wait to you 2 start texting & flirting again and ask her when it feels comfortable and the right moment.

Edited because I'm paranoid!

Edited March 7, 2012 by Snufflebutt

[feral chile]

I would say the whole 'matchmaking' thing with friends and all that isn't the way to go in this case, and mostly in general. It is apparently true that most long term relationships come out of friends of friends - but i'd be willing to bet that such meetings are kind of by chance - at parties and stuff. Maybe ask her to come out with you when you are going out with other friends that she hasnt met?

Right, wee bit of advice needed about second date protocol. I had the most amazing first date last night. Talked for hours - quickest 5 hours ever which is always a good sign. But I stupidly asked her 'so am I getting a second date then' - a totally useless question cos no matter what happens she'll say 'yes' not to hurt my feelings. But she seemed like she was enjoying herself? We texted a bit late last night and have vowed not to text her again unless she texts me (it's so difficult!)

When is it good to ask for a second date, do you reckon? I'm terrified of pestering her because I know that my female friends hate it when a guy does it

ah, texting's a minefield! what if she's decided the same thing?

[feral chile]

The bit you highlighted is about me thinking she is in two minds about it as for a girl in general to get laid is very easy, the girl herself is cute & sweet (& far too naive) so it's even easier but if she was that set on it she could do it no problem but yet still hasn't.

So there's something else going on then. Could she like one of your group and be trying to say she'd be up for it? If she's telling your group she's looking for sex, then not actually doing anything about it, it might just be a veiled invitation to someone she's got in mind.

[Lithium05]

Back to square one again for me. Though in fairness this time around I'm not that bothered as the reason I didn't make more of an effort to prevent this is that she, despite seeming like a really interesting person from what she initially told me about herself, avoids talking about shit she's interested in in public because she doesn't deem it "cool"

Anyway last time I spoke to her was yesterday, and according to Facebook she is in a relationship with someone else today.

As I said though I dithered on making a move because I suspected this would wind up being the case as there seemed to be a lot of competition and seemed as though she was setting up a line-up of potentials to choose from.

What's awkward is that she was supposed to be coming to a gig with me in a couple of weeks... Well that's not fucking happening now I tell you that much! Now all I need to do is find someone else to go with... and I don't think hitting PoF with "hey do you like Lostprophets?!" will yield much in the way of results! Hell I don't even like Lostprophets (much, they're ok) but the gig is down the road and under a tenner!

[Lithium05]

I stand corrected!

[feral chile]

I stand corrected!

???

[Lithium05]

???

A girl I'd been chatting to on pof a while back sent me a message out of the blue, apologised for the lack of any communication over the last month, but she's been bogged down by uni work, and sent me her number, exchanged a few texts today and she's coming to the gig with me.

[feral chile]

A girl I'd been chatting to on pof a while back sent me a message out of the blue, apologised for the lack of any communication over the last month, but she's been bogged down by uni work, and sent me her number, exchanged a few texts today and she's coming to the gig with me.

Nice one!

(sorry for being such a nosy old biddy)

[Lithium05]

And I am back to square one again

Went out yesterday, had a drink down by the river in the sun, followed by the aforementioned gig. And just received a text saying she doesn't think we're suited for each other etc.

I think it's time to admit that I suck at dating. I'm just terrible at it, largely because before last year I never really tried. I've said before how up until last year I weighed about 6 stone more than I do now, and had(have) very little confidence when it comes to women* I thought it went well yesterday, well enough to warrant a second date anyway. I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong

(apologies if that's a bit all over the place, I wrote it in parts around work)

Edit: *the last time I was in a relationship was a long time ago and that was with someone I got to know through work, who practically threw herself at me, which seems to be the only way it works for me, if not I just don't have the confidence to make any sort of move, or even chat to someone in public. That's what lead me to POF, I like to be able to chat openly to someone before meeting them, it takes some of the pressure off, and has definately produced more results than going out to pubs/clubs ever has for me, but not results worth talking about. They either seem to think I'm happy to be friends, or on they're put off by one of my (many) flaws.

I think I should probably give up for the time being. I'm broke, I only work 20-30 hours a week in retail (ffs) and I had to move back home because I couldnt afford rent and paying off the massive amount of debt I'm in. (there are circumstances there I should add, but still...)

This is why I have no confidence, and dating is producing no "wins" I'm a fucking trainwreck.

Edited April 3, 2012 by Lithium05

[Katster]

And I am back to square one again

Went out yesterday, had a drink down by the river in the sun, followed by the aforementioned gig. And just received a text saying she doesn't think we're suited for each other etc.

I think it's time to admit that I suck at dating. I'm just terrible at it, largely because before last year I never really tried. I've said before how up until last year I weighed about 6 stone more than I do now, and had(have) very little confidence when it comes to women* I thought it went well yesterday, well enough to warrant a second date anyway. I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong

(apologies if that's a bit all over the place, I wrote it in parts around work)

Edit: *the last time I was in a relationship was a long time ago and that was with someone I got to know through work, who practically threw herself at me, which seems to be the only way it works for me, if not I just don't have the confidence to make any sort of move, or even chat to someone in public. That's what lead me to POF, I like to be able to chat openly to someone before meeting them, it takes some of the pressure off, and has definately produced more results than going out to pubs/clubs ever has for me, but not results worth talking about. They either seem to think I'm happy to be friends, or on they're put off by one of my (many) flaws.

I think I should probably give up for the time being. I'm broke, I only work 20-30 hours a week in retail (ffs) and I had to move back home because I couldnt afford rent and paying off the massive amount of debt I'm in. (there are circumstances there I should add, but still...)

This is why I have no confidence, and dating is producing no "wins" I'm a fucking trainwreck.

[Katster]

Sorry, what I meant to say there was; it sounds like you have switched from trying nothing to trying everything. We all find it hard not to get excited and we are all gutted when someone tells us we aren't for them especially when we are convinced we are. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, it just means you havent met the right person yet

Keep at it but try not to think so much into things. I realise that's easy for me to say...

[jump]

I can see a cycle, you have no confidence so you can't get a girl and you can't get a girl if you have no confidence. My advice would be to simply not worry or focus about it, when you start feeling good about yourself it will be easier to meet and attract people.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I was going to say something similar to what Katster said. Just because you haven't met that someone special yet doesn't mean that they are not out there looking for you. You've lost 6 stone. That's a major achievement. It must have taken a determined effort to do that. Given that, you should also be able to make a determined effort to get more date(s). It's got to be easier than loosing 6 stone.

[feral chile]

Agreed. i know it's difficult if you're feeling self conscious, but try to focus on the girls you meet, and show an interest in them. If you don't like talking about yourself, find out what they're interested in, and ask them about it.

And practice putting a positive spin on your qualities, instead of thet critical self commentary you've got going there. You've had a girl throw herself at you in the past, and you manage to make that sound like a negative thing!

Also, if girls are treating you as a friend, they obviously like and trust you. And your job means you have more free time to spend with people you choose to be with.

Any girl worth anything will be glad to meet a person who's genuine, so you don't have to be some superconfident (cocky) male.

Just be yourself, and don't give up.

Edited April 4, 2012 by feral chile

[Lithium05]

Appreciate that chaps. Feel a bit silly after that outburst

[russycarps]

Appreciate that chaps. Feel a bit silly after that outburst

if all else fails, there's always brasses to drain your spuds into

[Katster]

Appreciate that chaps. Feel a bit silly after that outburst

It's what this thread is here for

If I was single again I wouldn't search so hard and I wouldn't give myself such a hard time when things didn't work out, but if I tried telling myself that five years ago I wouldn't have listened!

Being single is far far better than being with the wrong person.

Just a little update while I am here. Things are better with me and mine. I think I needed my little outburst to make sure he was aware of my thoughts on children, because I didn't want him to resent me in later life. I gave him the choice and he chose me, so there ya go.

[Lithium05]

Hmm, am I the only person still qualified to post in this thread?!

Anyway, had an interesting night Friday, and I'm not sure how to respond to a situation I found myself in (though I'm pretty sure I've done it right up to this point!)

Was at a friend's wedding with a group of people I've known since school/college, used to go out on a weekly basis, but we don't really hang out much anymore, what with everyone off getting married and having kids. So I was driving, as I often am due to the fact I quit getting drunk a year and a half ago.

I was planning on leaving at about 11.30, to go and meet my other friends at a local rock club (wedding venue closed at 12, so I wasn't missing much)

I said my goodbyes and got as far as the car park, before one of my single female friends came drunkenly stumbling out looking for me to try and convince me to stay, she then started to talk about how much she's missed me, and brought up some of the "almost" moments we've had in the past. This will have to go down as another one, as her being drunk and me being sober meant I was sure a hell not going to make a move, no matter how much I wanted to.

But the awkward thing now is trying to figure out if she's as interested in me sober as she seemed to be drunk. I don't want to lose a friend, but I certainly don't want to be left cursing another missed oppertunity, so I'm really not sure how to proceed!

[pryce]

well i think i just made a mistake ...... slept with one of my friends from work who i really really like on friday night..... for her it was defiently a rebound and she has already said it was a mistake on her part and sorry for taking advantage.... didnt really care at the time as i had just slept with the best looking girl ive ever known .... however today im gutted that i didnt stop myself as i think the chance has been ruined, for a meaningful relationship.... saying that they will treat me as a hero at work as pretty much everyone has tried and failed to get anywhere with her...

plus on a positive i very rarely get anywhere with the female sex....so should take every oppotunity i get ,... and really i was never going to stop myself

i have no idea what point im trying to make to be honest

on above i would go for it... ive learnt from past mistakes doing nothing never get you anywhere.... you probably wont lose her as a friend either. from previous experiences of expressing interests to close friends

[rexclark]

You slept with the best looking woman at work. This is never a bad thing.

[pryce]

no its not ,,,, but being the rebound might be ..... plus she has just booked to go back to her family in New Jersey for a few weeks next week ,,,, hope i wasnt that bad and forced her to flee

[jump]

Hmm, am I the only person still qualified to post in this thread?!

Anyway, had an interesting night Friday, and I'm not sure how to respond to a situation I found myself in (though I'm pretty sure I've done it right up to this point!)

Was at a friend's wedding with a group of people I've known since school/college, used to go out on a weekly basis, but we don't really hang out much anymore, what with everyone off getting married and having kids. So I was driving, as I often am due to the fact I quit getting drunk a year and a half ago.

I was planning on leaving at about 11.30, to go and meet my other friends at a local rock club (wedding venue closed at 12, so I wasn't missing much)

I said my goodbyes and got as far as the car park, before one of my single female friends came drunkenly stumbling out looking for me to try and convince me to stay, she then started to talk about how much she's missed me, and brought up some of the "almost" moments we've had in the past. This will have to go down as another one, as her being drunk and me being sober meant I was sure a hell not going to make a move, no matter how much I wanted to.

But the awkward thing now is trying to figure out if she's as interested in me sober as she seemed to be drunk. I don't want to lose a friend, but I certainly don't want to be left cursing another missed oppertunity, so I'm really not sure how to proceed!

If you barely see her anymore you wouldn't really be losing a friend, just ask her out as a catch up on old times thing and see where it leads.

[feral chile]

Hmm, am I the only person still qualified to post in this thread?!

Anyway, had an interesting night Friday, and I'm not sure how to respond to a situation I found myself in (though I'm pretty sure I've done it right up to this point!)

Was at a friend's wedding with a group of people I've known since school/college, used to go out on a weekly basis, but we don't really hang out much anymore, what with everyone off getting married and having kids. So I was driving, as I often am due to the fact I quit getting drunk a year and a half ago.

I was planning on leaving at about 11.30, to go and meet my other friends at a local rock club (wedding venue closed at 12, so I wasn't missing much)

I said my goodbyes and got as far as the car park, before one of my single female friends came drunkenly stumbling out looking for me to try and convince me to stay, she then started to talk about how much she's missed me, and brought up some of the "almost" moments we've had in the past. This will have to go down as another one, as her being drunk and me being sober meant I was sure a hell not going to make a move, no matter how much I wanted to.

But the awkward thing now is trying to figure out if she's as interested in me sober as she seemed to be drunk. I don't want to lose a friend, but I certainly don't want to be left cursing another missed oppertunity, so I'm really not sure how to proceed!

Yes, I think just get in touch, don't mention her being so drunk and see if she mentions it. If she does, play it by ear. If she apologises, and says she's embarrassed, just tell her you were flattered and it's OK. That way, she won't think you were horrified, and you won't be embarrassed if she just wants to write it off as a bit of drunken idiocy. But it'll leave the door open for her if she's genuinely keen.

If she doesn't mention it, you're probably better pretending it never happened.