singles thread

[feral chile]

Apologies for stating the obvious. I mentioned it because when your in a situation like yours you can't often see the wood for the trees. In addition there's the possibility of a masochistic element to it. I used to let my ex torture me because I wanted it for some reason. I think I thought I deserved it and actually relished in it to begin with (I think). Are you possibly doing the same letting her have the power. Just a thought.

Hard when it's your cousin. It's only hard if you want it to be. One of my older brothers shagged one of my ex's (after we were going out I hasten to say) and I couldn't have cared less because it was something between them. I'd moved on.

This ^^^

Take comfort in the thought that one day, you won't care, their control over your feelings will be gone. Even if you can't switch them off now, try to look forward to that day.

Is your cousin usually competitive as far as you're concerned?

Edited July 29, 2012 by feral chile

[worm]

Apologies for stating the obvious. I mentioned it because when your in a situation like yours you can't often see the wood for the trees. In addition there's the possibility of a masochistic element to it. I used to let my ex torture me because I wanted it for some reason. I think I thought I deserved it and actually relished in it to begin with (I think). Are you possibly doing the same letting her have the power. Just a thought.

Nah, it's cool man. Just a bit fucked up.

Edited July 29, 2012 by worm

[worm]

Take comfort in the thought that one day, you won't care, their control over your feelings will be gone. Even if you can't switch them off now, try to look forward to that day.

The only feeling I have is hilarity.

Edited July 29, 2012 by worm

[Rufus Gwertigan]

Stating the obvious. Kind of hard when it's your cousin though eh. The girl will not leave me alone, yet has had the power to tell me to leave her alone. Awesome situation. Hilarious, in truth.

I have droned on about my situation with my ex, but here goes anyway. Recently I finished yet another court case over contact with my daughters. As they are 14 and 16 now, the first thing I said to my solicitor after the case was, "At least I don't have to contact that bitch anymore". However it so happens that I had to cancel a contact in a week or so and trying to get it rearranged is impossible. She is dictating terms which are not on the contact order, so I am now in the process of having to return everything to court to at the very least have things verified. (she is saying it can only happen on a Saturday, yet the order only states 4 times a year. Given that the kids on on their summer hols at the moment one would think they would be free, but they have said that mum wont allow them).

So I am in the situation have having to keep a toxic relationship on the go with their mum, for no logical reason as far as I can see it. I can organise things with the kids but she is choosing to block it. One would expect at this stage of the game that she would be happy for no contact but hey hum. I do laugh about it when I can, but the kids that live with me have a habit of raising the issue and I end up slightly annoyed.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Nah, it's cool man. Just a bit fucked up.

Understood.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I have droned on about my situation with my ex, but here goes anyway. Recently I finished yet another court case over contact with my daughters. As they are 14 and 16 now, the first thing I said to my solicitor after the case was, "At least I don't have to contact that bitch anymore". However it so happens that I had to cancel a contact in a week or so and trying to get it rearranged is impossible. She is dictating terms which are not on the contact order, so I am now in the process of having to return everything to court to at the very least have things verified. (she is saying it can only happen on a Saturday, yet the order only states 4 times a year. Given that the kids on on their summer hols at the moment one would think they would be free, but they have said that mum wont allow them).

So I am in the situation have having to keep a toxic relationship on the go with their mum, for no logical reason as far as I can see it. I can organise things with the kids but she is choosing to block it. One would expect at this stage of the game that she would be happy for no contact but hey hum. I do laugh about it when I can, but the kids that live with me have a habit of raising the issue and I end up slightly annoyed.

That's beyond shitty Rufus. I don't know how you cope with it. Certainly puts my woes into perspective. Hope you get to see your daughters soon.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

That's beyond shitty Rufus. I don't know how you cope with it. Certainly puts my woes into perspective. Hope you get to see your daughters soon.

This situation has been like an albatross around my neck. It has gone on for many years and has held me back in many ways. I have had the social services involved and 3 kids in care. Now I am frank and open about it and dont believe in hiding anything. However once the subject is raised I usually end up getting quite angry. There have been a couple of people that I have met that I was really interested in. However when the subject is brought up they usually become quite angry on my behalf and that passes to me. One time bt a festival my eldest daughter was telling someone I had met about her experiences with her mother. I had to walk away as usually a reaction is going to be anger or pity.

For my past I cant wart until my youngest make their own choices and then there is on reason for me to talk to the bitch. I dont even have her numbers. I have to ask the kids if I need it. Why have something that I have no interest in.

[AcademicPistol]

This situation has been like an albatross around my neck. It has gone on for many years and has held me back in many ways. I have had the social services involved and 3 kids in care. Now I am frank and open about it and dont believe in hiding anything. However once the subject is raised I usually end up getting quite angry. There have been a couple of people that I have met that I was really interested in. However when the subject is brought up they usually become quite angry on my behalf and that passes to me. One time bt a festival my eldest daughter was telling someone I had met about her experiences with her mother. I had to walk away as usually a reaction is going to be anger or pity.

For my past I cant wart until my youngest make their own choices and then there is on reason for me to talk to the bitch. I dont even have her numbers. I have to ask the kids if I need it. Why have something that I have no interest in.

I don't mean to come across as a dick for saying this but everytime you show your anger it's like a small victory for your ex, who by the way seems like a desperate woman who likes using the kids as a pawn to get one over you.

I don't have children so I can only speculate as to how absolutely soul-crushing it must be not being able to see them but you need to show them that you're strong and that you don't stink to their mothers level even if that means you have to 'talk to the bitch' unfortunately.

[Katster]

It matters not whether he is bargaining or is genuinely wanting to change. I am spent. I wore myself out reaching out to him to the point it ended up me not caring enough any more. I am exhausted. I love him, but i don't love him enough anymore, not after so long being kept out in the cold.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

It matters not whether he is bargaining or is genuinely wanting to change. I am spent. I wore myself out reaching out to him to the point it ended up me not caring enough any more. I am exhausted. I love him, but i don't love him enough anymore, not after so long being kept out in the cold.

It sounds like it has been a difficult decision Kat and I think one that you are going to have on your mind for a long while to come. I do truely feel for you at the moment

[MrZigster]

Seriously stuck in "The Friend Zone"

But much like worm, seeing the funny side.

Edited July 30, 2012 by MrZigster

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

It matters not whether he is bargaining or is genuinely wanting to change. I am spent. I wore myself out reaching out to him to the point it ended up me not caring enough any more. I am exhausted. I love him, but i don't love him enough anymore, not after so long being kept out in the cold.

It's not much fun being in the position you are in right now. It's a rough thing to get through but time will heal wounds. From the three occassions I have split with long term partners I have thought about it as being a new fresh future chapter in life. Well, I did eventually after a while of soul searching. Wishing you well.

[Katster]

I will get through it ok. I just feel so harsh keep saying no, but i have to stick to my guns. Never a bloody gain.

[worm]

Well my situation has become even more hilariouser. Police involved. Bullshit told. Facts of the matter are that this creature has turned into an 'independent woman' (u-huh) under the guise of some post-punk feminist thing. The other thing is, is that I saw the change happen while she was around. That was the reason for the split. Essentially, she was being all needy with me, while her confidence restored in blabbing on about sexual experiences and saying shit like 'men are easy', and not only could I tell, but I told her. Sexually varacious, but with big notions of love and commitment. Now just sexually varacious.

She's been keeping in touch as an ego boost. I killed her fairytale. So she's now reconstructed a new more independent one. She sees love as weakness. But she still finds me the most attractive option, though knows it's dangerous to return due to the love attachment. Only, I'm no longer an option.

The other thing is that she's changed her image and looks an absolute clip. She's started smoking again and is boozing 24/7. She used to be extremely attractive. Not now. Did I turn the worm or was it waiting to happen anyway?

Younger women man. Especially needy ones with notions of love and romance. Read the warning label first, for fuck's sake.

Edited July 31, 2012 by worm

[worm]

Need, love, romance, cling = high labido and a penchant for delusion.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Well my situation has become even more hilariouser. Police involved. Bullshit told. Facts of the matter are that this creature has turned into an 'independent woman' (u-huh) under the guise of some post-punk feminist thing. The other thing is, is that I saw the change happen while she was around. That was the reason for the split. Essentially, she was being all needy with me, while her confidence restored in blabbing on about sexual experiences and saying shit like 'men are easy', and not only could I tell, but I told her. Sexually varacious, but with big notions of love and commitment. Now just sexually varacious.

She's been keeping in touch as an ego boost. I killed her fairytale. So she's now reconstructed a new more independent one. She sees love as weakness. But she still finds me the most attractive option, though knows it's dangerous to return due to the love attachment. Only, I'm no longer an option.

The other thing is that she's changed her image and looks an absolute clip. She's started smoking again and is boozing 24/7. She used to be extremely attractive. Not now. Did I turn the worm or was it waiting to happen anyway?

Younger women man. Especially needy ones with notions of love and romance. Read the warning label first, for fuck's sake.

Sounds like a nightmare you're better off walking away from. In fact I'd be tempted to break into a trot!

[worm]

Sounds like a nightmare you're better off walking away from. In fact I'd be tempted to break into a trot!

Oh absolutely. Gonna get me a strong woman. This won't be the last I've heard of this dependent psycho though. No chance.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Oh absolutely. Gonna get me a strong woman. This won't be the last I've heard of this dependent psycho though. No chance.

I went out with a psycho once. A real bunny boiler. Fortunately she wasn't dependent and eventually ran off with someone, completely out of the blue. Best thing that ever happened to me was the day she went off. I got my life back. When you've been through hell for a number of years and your suddenly given your life back, well, there's no taste sweeter.

Hope your mad'n gives up soon so you get your life back too, without all the messy fuckery she's bringing to the table.

[worm]

I went out with a psycho once. A real bunny boiler. Fortunately she wasn't dependent and eventually ran off with someone, completely out of the blue. Best thing that ever happened to me was the day she went off. I got my life back. When you've been through hell for a number of years and your suddenly given your life back, well, there's no taste sweeter.

Hope your mad'n gives up soon so you get your life back too, without all the messy fuckery she's bringing to the table.

Cheers man.

She turned me into the psycho with her head fuckery. She's just some lass now though. I don't think it's as much acceptance as it is realisation in this case. I feel I've dipped somewhat beneath myself.

[Katster]

I don't actually understand a lot of what you have said worm but she certainly sounds like a handful at the very least, or like she is trying to be?

I am still sure i have done the right thing. I still don't much like it. Ho hum.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I feel I've dipped somewhat beneath myself.

I think I know what you mean. My bunny boiler turned me into someone I'm not - temporarily. Made me go to mental places I thought I'd never visit and certainly had no preparation for. Don't be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes and we all learn as we go along.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Never a bloody gain.

I think that thought's what's kept me single for years. The trauma of a relationship going wrong can hurt like no other hurt. It does go away though, or at least the intensity diminishes.

[Katster]

I think that thought's what's kept me single for years. The trauma of a relationship going wrong can hurt like no other hurt. It does go away

though, or at least the intensity diminishes.

i am far less bitter this time than the last time, so i am sure i don't really mean it but the one thing i am certain about, and i am pretty sure i said it in here a while back well before all this, is that i won't be in so much of a rush to find someone again. If someone wonderful comes along, fine, but if they don't i know that i am better on my own than being in a rush to try and make myself believe that someone is the one.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

The bitterness has receeded with me somewhat, but that was never about the divorce etc but about the way she treats the kids with me. Most of it is none of my business but the kids confide in me when they are hurt. The other month when she got remarried really hurt them. Not the fact she remarried, but that she did not tell them and they found out when she changed her relationship status on Facebook. Oh, she then tried to blame me saying some bollocks like "Dad would have come down and caused trouble". At the end of the day she does everything to suit her selfish needs and fuck the kids.

From seeing how she has treated the kids, and from my own issues as a child, I have in the back of my mind "Is every woman a disturbed and mentally ill bitch?" I really don't want to put it to the test and choose to keep people at arms length. But if I am honest I am quite happy with that. I sometimes think that we are sold into this idea that we have to have someone in our life, and it all becomes a little forced. Maybe it is because I have 5 kids and even though I am a loner I am never lonely.

At the end of the day Kat, things will work out for you. It may be in a way that you have not even thought into, I am always available

[Katster]

I agree with that. Right now and for a lot of my life i just haven't bought into this settling down with one person and being together forever idea. I might still find it, but i am not going to beat myself up about it if i don't. Last time i was single i thought there was something wrong with me. I have since accepted that life isn't like that, some people find the one, some people settle for one that will do, some people cheat, some people spend their whole life alone. All i know for me is that i have to be true. If things aren't right i have to do something about it. I don't sit back and take it. Which is odd since i am one of the most laid back people i know.

Who knows what's around the corner? I am certainly excited to find out but at the same time i have absolutely zero expectations.