The Joke Thread

[grumpyhack]

I make no apologies for this

 

[Skip997]

I bought a dog from the local blacksmith.

As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the back door.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

On 9/13/2023 at 10:10 AM, Skip997 said:

I bought a dog from the local blacksmith.

As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the back door.

I tip my hat to you Sir.

I haven't been on this thread for donkeys. 

My problem is that I liked your joke that I have now forgotten the joke that I came on here to post.*

 

* It is, as I write, coming back to me a little. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

 

No, no it's not!

 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Yes it is. 

Corny, but reassuringly so;

 

[Haz3ly_MC]

I accidentally mistook my neighbor's cat for my own and ended up trying to give it a bath! I mean, who knew there were two identical-looking black cats in the neighborhood? Needless to say, that little feline fiasco ended with me getting a few scratches and a lot of embarrassment 🐱

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Life keeps getting worse. Last night a thief stole the bottom left key off my laptop.

 

I've lost control.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I went into B & Q today, and some bloke in a black and orange apron asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I'm pretty handy, and got the first punch straight in, and that was that. Other people may not have been as fortunate, and actually got assaulted in a situation like that. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I failed my ventriloquists exam.

I can’t say I’m surprised.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

.Re: Record Breakers TV program.

 

Dear Roy,

 

I've got this black plastic disc with a hole in the middle. Is this a record?

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I called the local council and asked if I could have a skip outside my house.

 

The lady replied, "Mate, you can do cartwheels and a handstand for all I care"

[SticklinchJoe]

If anyone knows any knock knock jokes that are actually funny and suitable for a child I'd love to hear them.

[MilkyJoe]

18 minutes ago, SticklinchJoe said:

If anyone knows any knock knock jokes that are actually funny and suitable for a child I'd love to hear them.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Boo

Boo who?

Aww don't cry.

 

*I just made that up although it's probably been done before.

[SticklinchJoe]

That's pretty good actually. Thank you.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

 

 

 

 

 

A man goes skydiving.

After he jumps out of the plane he pulls the parachute cord and nothing happens.

Panicking, he pulls the emergency chute. Again nothing happens.

As he is plummeting towards the earth he sees a speck moving up towards him. As he focuses he can see it's another man, his clothes smoking and his hair singed.

As they pass the skydiver shouts 'Do you know anything about parachutes?'

The singed bloke replies 'No, and I don't know anything about f**king gas boilers either'!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 3 by Yoghurt on a Stick

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

(Professor X): What's your Superpower?

 

(Me)  Hindsight. 

 

(Professor X):  That’s not going to help us.. 

 

(Me): Yes, I see that now.