I`ve been missing lots lately......

[gratedenini]

but...today I saw a DEER!.

Aye, bugger me, yeah. It is quite ironic that I can walk 20mins into town and be amongst shite..with friday and saturday nights having a nipple count of well over 400..but also can walk just 5minutes into the woods and see the white arse of a female deer!

Of course the nipple count is directly proportinal to the number of the blokes money boxes eh.

Whether you are male or female--you cant help but look at a money box can yer... even though they are usually quite repulsive..yer eyes are drawn to em..not in a sexual way or owt.. but yer just cant help it.

Dark haired blokes have the most harrowing ones of course... its like they have a Seb Coe down their arse and he`s popped out to comb his hair and remind the World that he did eventually beat his arch rival Steve Ovett in the Olympics.

The women up here dont seem to bother with outergarments of a weekend--and if they do.. the pelmets -- well i`ve made brown fish longer!

Speaking of which.. this very afternoon I had a CHAMPAGNE SHIT...no no -not all fizzy as one correspondent ventured! A CS is one where the cork is stuck--but when it comes out.. the rest follows as fast as a cheetah on a wilderbeests tail....aye, an tha.

So.. the DEER... I was down the woods with MDM and Hippy Jeff and his little dog Poan (how`d me make that name up eh? nutter is Hippy Jeff).

We were being very enterprising as he was inspecting almost every branch of every tree, checking its suitability as a potential walking stick! WTF??

Then.. 100yrds hence... it was there. A female DEER ..MDM standing up on 2 feet--straining at the leash..but silent, ears pricked like a Spanish Policemans Hat.

We stood --nudging each other--silently saying... LOOK AT THAT!

We looked at it..it looked at us.. MDM looked at it. It looked at MDM.

For a split second I thought of Venison Sausages like that retard done in One Man and His Campervan (BBC2 Mon-Fri 6.30pm)...but then --it must have caught wind of the dogs..or more likely me and Hippy Jeff cos he had built up a big top-loader!

The DEER turned and showed its huge white arse... almost in a parallel gesture to those Friday Night Women of Consett--and bounded off over the fence and into the distance.

Made our day. We rested a while..my asthma--his leg and contemplated.

How many people had seen a DEER this day? Not many we thought--apart from those that might be employed on a DEER farm or such like.

It is simple pleasures like that which can enrichen our lives. A dozen cans and a bag of green certainly have their place...but seeing a DEERS ARSE is something you cant warrant for eh.

aye, an tha

den