Christenings

[Hello... I'm Johnny Cash]

Just looking to get a few opinions on this…

Me and the wife are having a baby and the issue of getting the baby Christened has turned into a bit of a contentious issue.

As a bit of background info I'm an Atheist and she says that she believes in God, although in the 15 years I've known her yesterday was the first I've heard of it.

Basically it was always the plan to get the baby Christened & although I wasn't 100% happy about it I was willing to go along with the whole thing, it's tradition in her family and I don't want to be a dick about it.

The problem is that it turns out that it's not quite as simple as turning up, handing baby over to the vicar and sitting back while they do whatever it is that they do.

We have to start going to church, go to bible classes, I have to pretend to be Christian during the whole thing and finally I have to stand at the front of a church, accept Jesus Christ as my lord and saviour and promise to raise the child Christian.

Not happening. Not a chance. I don't even think I could physically go though with it even if I wanted to. It really took me by surprise at the last funeral that I attended that I found it really difficult to even sing along with the hymns. I didn't make a scene and nobody noticed but I couldn't do it.

See, the problem is that I actually feel really strongly against religion, I don't make a fuss about it and largely keep my mouth shut whenever it comes up. I'm happy to debate it when someone's up for it, but I never go out of my way to challenge the religious mind set.

But now to her and the family, I'm the bad guy & just being awkward. But to me I don't think that I could look myself in the mirror in the same way again.

So am I? Should I just play ball despite feeling like I'm compromising my beliefs and principles? Do I not get my beliefs respected in the same way that I would if I was say Jewish or Muslim (presumably if I was nobody would ever expect me to do all this stuff).

[The Nal]

Not sure what its like in your neck of the woods but here in Ireland if you don't get your baby Christened you're automatically putting barriers in the way with regard to applying for certain schools etc who will bump your kid down the list.

So if thats the case, get the baby Christened and let your kid make their own decision in the future. No point in hindering your kids future. Just play the game. You only have to go to a 45 minute pre Christening lecture (I was at one recently for my God daughter, its utter nonsense) and then a 20 minute christening ceremony.

Edited April 10, 2012 by The Nal

[The Nal]

Ooops, double post.

Good point below though Bazza.

Edited April 10, 2012 by The Nal

[Hello... I'm Johnny Cash]

Nal - There's no such barriers here. Although my issue isn't letting it happen and letting the kid make their mind up later on, thats a given. It's the whole having to pretend i'm Christian in front of a church full of people.

Barry - because the vicar says so, basically.

Edited April 10, 2012 by Hello... I'm Johnny Cash

[Alcatraz]

It's funny how people go all Blaise Pascal when it comes to birth and death.

I am unchristened and glad to be so. As Barry says, just tell your partner to find a way to do it whilst leaving you out of it

[Hello... I'm Johnny Cash]

They guy is a fucking dingbat...

But that isn't helpful so...

Could you approach a different church ? I know my vicar would not impose such a limitation to a child getting christened....

It is important at least one of the parents is religious but not both... Could she approach the church and present herself as a single parent ? Just say you have split up or whatever...

[Hello... I'm Johnny Cash]

It's funny how people go all Blaise Pascal when it comes to birth and death.

I am unchristened and glad to be so. As Barry says, just tell your partner to find a way to do it whilst leaving you out of it

[The Nal]

It's the whole having to pretend i'm Christian in front of a church full of people.

Edited April 10, 2012 by The Nal

[Rufus Gwertigan]

That's pretty much what I am doing. Saying "go for it, i'm just not willing to do any of the following..."

I'm only really asking if i'm being unreasonable or if I should stick to my guns.

[Hello... I'm Johnny Cash]

There isn't a "we" in his situation so he has to consider a lot more than just his own feelings... Or do you think we should just all ride rough shot over are partners feelings and wishes for their children ?

I am lucky both me and my wife agreed on the path forward... Feel sorry for the bloke really.

if you want my biased opinion I would just do it... and that is from someone who thinks its a bit wrong to agree to stuff like this which you don't believe in. You could always just mouth / mubble the words....

Edited April 10, 2012 by Hello... I'm Johnny Cash

[The Nal]

it's all about priorities in the end. We chose not to be a part of the whole religious pantomime from the beginning. How will it ever end if everyone keeps toeing the 'line'?

which might be a bit easier in some areas than others

Edited April 10, 2012 by The Nal

[Hello... I'm Johnny Cash]

But one kid isn't going to do anything except not giving that kid the same chances as other kids. Sad as it is, thats not the right fight to pick with religion/state.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

For what it's worth I'd just go through with it for a quieter life. If it means nothing to you then it's only a small bit of time wasted. You could even try to redeem the brownie points you'll have earned for something favourable to you.

[eFestivals]

Would you expose your kid to being "brainwashed" by scientology? Then apply the same to the other delusions.

If your wife wants tradition, then tell her you want to right to rape her at will, for her to skivvy for you - cook, clean, wash, etc - and for you to beat her if your dinner isn't on the table within 5 minutes of getting home.

If offering her the traditions she wants won't smarten her up, then you've had a kid with the wrong woman. Soz about that.

[Hello... I'm Johnny Cash]

Would you expose your kid to being "brainwashed" by scientology? Then apply the same to the other delusions.

If your wife wants tradition, then tell her you want to right to rape her at will, for her to skivvy for you - cook, clean, wash, etc - and for you to beat her if your dinner isn't on the table within 5 minutes of getting home.

If offering her the traditions she wants won't smarten her up, then you've had a kid with the wrong woman. Soz about that.

Edited April 10, 2012 by Hello... I'm Johnny Cash

[The Nal]

Would you expose your kid to being "brainwashed" by scientology? Then apply the same to the other delusions.

[eFestivals]

Those things aren't even remotely similar.

they're no less "traditional" than a Christening.

If she wants tradition, offer her a whole range of traditions and see if she still wants traditions.

If she wants religion, tell her that belief systems are a personal thing and she's no need to have you make false promises or to force a belief on your kid.

If you're not prepared to stand up for what you say is your view, then why have you started this thread? Only so the wimpishness of others makes you feel better I guess.

Stand up for yourself and stand up for your kid. No one will stand up for your kid for you.

You have to be harsh else you have to submit - I know how it is, I've had to do it myself.

[eFestivals]

A 20 minute Christening is different to a lifetime of "study", "brainwashing" or whatever.

Get the kid Christened and never speak of it again. Thats my advice. Its only a piece of paper at the end of the day.

Fuck going along with stupidity because a person is too scared of making waves. That's how we get a shitty society in the first place.

Stand up for yourself, stand up for your child. No one will do those things for you.

Or instead, bend over for Jesus.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Do you want to upset your misses and the in laws just to prove a point. Your child can make up it's own mind later and I can't see that it's too much of a bind to attend church for a few brief periods. If you are an atheist then it'll just be a little boring. OK, a lot boring.

[russycarps]

Man up.

This harlot needs a reminder who is the man around here.

How dare she question the man of the house? You do not want the child christened, that is the end of the matter.

You have every right to be apoplectic with rage over this. I assume you have already thrown her down the stairs? Then do it again. And again. And again.

I am shaking here. A WOMAN defying a MAN?

It beggars belief, it really does.

Or just go along with the pantomime if it makes her happy. How can you possibly give a shit about this?

Edited April 10, 2012 by russycarps

[rachbon]

If you would feel really uncomfortable having to take part in a ceremony where you need to pretend that you believe in things that you are sure you don't believe in, then don't do it.

You wife can't feel very strongly about having your baby christened for religious reasons since she's never mentioned in 15 years that she believes in god. It's obviously just because it's a tradition but that's a ridiculous reason to do anything.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all by not wanting any part in this.

[The Nal]

Fuck going along with stupidity because a person is too scared of making waves. That's how we get a shitty society in the first place.

Stand up for yourself, stand up for your child. No one will do those things for you.

Or instead, bend over for Jesus.

[Ed209]

by christening the baby before it know what's going on you're doing the opposite of letting your kid make the decision... no?

simply perpetuating the 'game' is how the ridiculousness carries on

well, that was our decision anyway

[Hello... I'm Johnny Cash]

they're no less "traditional" than a Christening.

If she wants tradition, offer her a whole range of traditions and see if she still wants traditions.

[LondonTom]

Agree 100% but whats not Christening a child going to prove? It understand its different in the UK but in Ireland all that will achieve is that you dont believe in God and your child goes to a shit school.