Quark Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 1 hour ago, Superscally said: I think I'm gonna have to go for b) but I'd keep a tight grip on it. No-one wants to explain that in casualty. Not again anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh Jass Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 1 hour ago, gherkin8r said: This is probably the most interesting thread thus far in August  All we need now is bamber to turn up with a load of Jessie J videos. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vintagelaureate Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Quark said: Not again anyway True tale: years ago I worked in an ambulance control centre. One of our crews had to go to a public toilet in a shopping centre to a man who had fallen, naked, legs akimbo onto a can of lynx Africa, which had gone sufficiently up enough to become wedged. Of all the unlucky landings.... ? Edited August 21, 2019 by vintagelaureate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yoghurt on a Stick Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 2 minutes ago, vintagelaureate said: True tale: years ago I worked in an ambulance control centre. One of our crews had to go to a public toilet in a shopping centre to a man who had fallen, naked, legs akimbo onto a can of lynx Africa, which had gone sufficiently up enough to become wedged. Of all the unlucky landings.... ? Lynx? How embarrassing. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh Jass Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 6 minutes ago, vintagelaureate said: True tale: years ago I worked in an ambulance control centre. One of our crews had to go to a public toilet in a shopping centre to a man who had fallen, naked, legs akimbo onto a can of lynx Africa, which had gone sufficiently up enough to become wedged. Of all the unlucky landings.... ? I mean, we’ve all been there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayrshire Chris Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 All that liberated oxygen and if someone sparks up a spliff you could have the first ever long drop in orbit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyfool01 Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 (edited) Lynx excite does the job for me ... I’m all OUT OF AFRICA Edited August 22, 2019 by crazyfool1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayrshire Chris Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 Just now, crazyfool1 said: Lynx excite does the job for me And for Alan partridge and Dan the kitchen salesman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay89 Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawdusty surfer Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 My bizzare dreams since returning from Boomtown had finally started to cease. They were always linked to what I watched/read online just before going to sleep. Now I have this thread. Goodnight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyfool01 Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 (edited) 13 hours ago, Sawdusty Surfer said: My bizzare dreams since returning from Boomtown had finally started to cease. They were always linked to what I watched/read online just before going to sleep. Now I have this thread. Goodnight. Just chill ... night    a type of lynx for those that didn't know Edited August 22, 2019 by crazyfool1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuartbert two hats Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 It's officially the off season at efests when this is the most popular thread of the day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatyeti24 Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyfool01 Posted August 21, 2019 Report Share Posted August 21, 2019 I think even for me a couple of posts are a bit obscure ... prizes awarded for anyone that gets them  Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mashedonmud Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 Good morning e festers. That wasn't what I expected to read whilst having my morning coffee. On the plus side I'm off to work with a smile,  a little perplexed too. And a reinforced dislike of nos and an irrational fear of lynx deodorant. ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnomicide Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 11 hours ago, crazyfool1 said: Lynx excite does the job for me ... I’m all out of Africa There's nothing that eight hundred cans of nos could ever do. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vintagelaureate Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 1 hour ago, Gnomicide said: There's nothing that eight hundred cans of nos could ever do.  Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gherkin8r Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 3 hours ago, Gnomicide said: There's nothing that eight hundred cans of nos could ever do. A friend of mine once told me a story about a guy who lived with him in University halls in the late 90s. He was a little weird and would regularly disappear off to his room, turn the music up loud for a short time before re emerging from the room and sitting in the kitchen, quietly watching countdown or Jeremy Kyle or whatever. They had also noticed that he always had a particularly strong whiff of deodorant off him.  Anyway, this guy and his odd behaviour was a hot topic amongst his flat mates and one night when they had endukged in a few beverages and he ventured off to his room and the music came on they decided to investigate and one of them agreed that they would burst into his room. Upon doing so he revealed the horror of the afore mentioned weirdo naked and on all 4s on the bed, masturbating and simultaneously spraying a tin of lynx apollo up his arse. Don't knock it til you've tried it. I was more of a java man myself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyfool01 Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 7 minutes ago, gherkin8r said: A friend of mine once told me a story about a guy who lived with him in University halls in the late 90s. He was a little weird and would regularly disappear off to his room, turn the music up loud for a short time before re emerging from the room and sitting in the kitchen, quietly watching countdown or Jeremy Kyle or whatever. They had also noticed that he always had a particularly strong whiff of deodorant off him.  Anyway, this guy and his odd behaviour was a hot topic amongst his flat mates and one night when they had endukged in a few beverages and he ventured off to his room and the music came on they decided to investigate and one of them agreed that they would burst into his room. Upon doing so he revealed the horror of the afore mentioned weirdo naked and on all 4s on the bed, masturbating and simultaneously spraying a tin of lynx apollo up his arse. Don't knock it til you've tried it. I was more of a java man myself. and they say blokes can't multitask !!  1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh Jass Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 20 minutes ago, gherkin8r said: A friend of mine once told me a story about a guy who lived with him in University halls in the late 90s. He was a little weird and would regularly disappear off to his room, turn the music up loud for a short time before re emerging from the room and sitting in the kitchen, quietly watching countdown or Jeremy Kyle or whatever. They had also noticed that he always had a particularly strong whiff of deodorant off him.  Anyway, this guy and his odd behaviour was a hot topic amongst his flat mates and one night when they had endukged in a few beverages and he ventured off to his room and the music came on they decided to investigate and one of them agreed that they would burst into his room. Upon doing so he revealed the horror of the afore mentioned weirdo naked and on all 4s on the bed, masturbating and simultaneously spraying a tin of lynx apollo up his arse. Don't knock it til you've tried it. I was more of a java man myself. Was it only Apollo that worked for him? Did he experiment with other flavours? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscore Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 Maybe he misunderstand a Spanish person telling him how to stuff a chicken. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyfool01 Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 16 minutes ago, Hugh Jass said: Was it only Apollo that worked for him? Did he experiment with other flavours? he'd heard it put a rocket up him  Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superscally Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 17 hours ago, vintagelaureate said: Maybe you do b) as a consequence of a)? I've seen worse at Glasto 17 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said: If it were limited to those two choices then I too would opt for the anal stretch. However, I want it to be known that the decision would be made, as it would be the best of two fairly poor options. If I wanted things up my arse then I'd probably have sorted it by now. That said, I have had an endoscope up there a number of times. If this ever happens to you, do not go for the gas and air as a pain killer. It is no way near as effective as it's medicinal alternative. I was sucking on that gas and air like my life depended on it. In the back of my mind was the feeling that it would have been less painful being buggered by a male porn star with a very big todger. That might be more information than you needed, but I'm still in a state of shock at being coated in human excrement. I feel quite sullied. We're here for you. 16 hours ago, faymondo said: How about a NOS canister up your arse but sideways ?? That tip frightens me. 16 hours ago, BlueDaze said: ARMEGEDDON......! October 31st 16 hours ago, Quark said: Not again anyway I learnt the hard way 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueDaze Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 iwas considering a quite different ARMEGEDDON.! Â 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superscally Posted August 22, 2019 Report Share Posted August 22, 2019 2 hours ago, BlueDaze said: iwas considering a quite different ARMEGEDDON.! Â ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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