Funny Stories from Glastonbury

[Tallpaul]

This morning I had an interview at 10:00am, turns out it is actually 4pm this afternoon! I found it fairly funny!

On the way back I was thinking about the time at Glastonbury where my friend, who had recently taken some mushrooms, decided to show us all how indestructable his brand new Casio G shock watch was by putting it in front of an oncoming tractor wheel.

Needless to say once the wheel went over the watch we all stood in amazment at the ground where the watch was positioned. Only the watch had gone. Either buried or caught in the mud of the wheel of the tractor.

Laughed for hours!

Then a few hours later found same friend still high on the mushrooms that allowed his first trick stood under a paper cup to shield himself from the rain

Any others?

[-Ryan-]

I think you might have had to be there but...

Last year, me and the three others in my tent had all woken up at the same time (spooky) on saturday morning. It was about 4am and we went to brush our teeth and stuff. One person left before everyone else and went back to the tent before everyone else, so we must have been away for no more than three minutes.

When me and the others got back to the tent, we went in to find somebody asleep in my mate's sleeping bag. How Peter had missed this is a mystery because the sleeper's army boots were unlaced and on Peter's sleeping bag. The man had managed to get into our tent go through the prochy bit and unzip the two zips to the sleeping bit, undo both army boots, and fall asleep in the space of three minutes.

I wanted to remember the moment, so I asked him to take a picutre. And he said 'yes' then proceeded to dust himself off and do his hair .

He just apologised and wandered off down the road

[Tallpaul]

same watch lossing nut last year got our friend, (who had a bad experience described in the toilet thread!) to buy him his sleeping bag.

On the Wednesday night (about 6 in the morning actually) after a few beans we all retired to our tents to sleep for a couple of hours before waking to start off our adventure.

Only to hear Gareth wailing about how he was "the biggest man in the world" and how "those stupid pills have made me grow".

We checked to see what the problem was then worked out that Jon had accidently bought Gareth a childs sleeping bag!

[-Ryan-]

We checked to see what the problem was then worked out that Jon had accidently bought Gareth a childs sleeping bag!

[ukslim]

Last year, near the Other Stage.

There was a wallet lying in the path. Someone bent down to pick it up (whether to nick it or to hand it in is unknown), a group of lads drinking cans by their tent tugged on the fishing line leading to it, and whipped it out of the way. Then fell about laughing. Then put it back. Then did it again. Fell about laughing. And again. Fell about laughing.

I agree with them. It was bloody funny.

[Fluke]

Last year we had a couple of water pistols and as it was rather warm all the tractors and vans had their windows down. We'd ambushed a couple of vans as they went past and saw another one on it's way, as it approached they must have seen us plotting to get it and the passenger ducked down, we thought he was just being soft ...however... as we went round the passenger side firing our little water pistols in, the passenger popped back up with one of those super soakers, he leaned out of the window and war ensued causing the crowd to disperse from around us, needless to say we lost that battle.

Another time we we're round the back of the dance tent hid behind some of the oil drum bins ambushing people as they went past, then I felt something in my side and a voice came over my shoulder "Armed police!" I turned round to find a copper there with his fingers fashioned into a gun shape

The last of my water pistol stories was round the back of the dance tent again, I had both of the water pistols loaded, I put one down the back of my pants and had the other in my hand, then as innocent passers by went past I ran up to them quickly and said "quick! quick! hold this!" and held out the water pistol, as they took hold of the water pistol I pulled the other one from behind my back and had a water fight with the innocent passer by

[Tallpaul]

The last of my water pistol stories was round the back of the dance tent again, I had both of the water pistols loaded, I put one down the back of my pants and had the other in my hand, then as innocent passers by went past I ran up to them quickly and said "quick! quick! hold this!" and held out the water pistol, as they took hold of the water pistol I pulled the other one from behind my back and had a water fight with the innocent passer by

[gooner1990]

Ok well this one actually comes from Reading 2000.

i had bought 3 bottles of poppers for the weekend

by the monday morning one had been finished off....another was nearly empty so i chucked it and the other one was full and unopened, but i couldn't find it. anyway i forgot about it and went home. when at home i was just coming out of the shower when i heard my mum screaming...i threw some clothes on quickly and went downstairs into our kitchen/dining room (open plan) too seem my mum writheing on the floor and my sleeping bag hanging out of the washing machine. it turned out that the lost bottle of poppers had infact been in the bottom of my sleeping bag and when she had put it in the machine to wash it had rolled out and smashed on the kitchen floor and my mum had taken the most hardcore sniff of poppers. ever anyway she was screaming "im going to die im going to die" so i tried to pick her up , this tickled her and so she started laughing loads whilst still sceaming "im going to die" , by this time the whole place stank of poppers and they started hitting me and i could barely contain myself either....i eventually put her in the lounge where she slept it off for about an hour. she came back into the kitchen a bit later and just said to me "next time leave things like that at the festival" and we have never spoken about it since

[GINGERWILDCAT]

2003 Glasto,my brother's a big fat f****r and the only bogs he'd use were the long drops,apparently, wherever he goes for a dump(he tells me)when it comes to wiping his arse he has to stand up,face the back of said bog,bend down and wipe his arse from the front!Now this is ok in a proper toilet,but seeing he's such a big twat every time he stood up swivelled and wiped from the front the bog door opened showing his great arse,he stood up,the door sprung shut,this probably happened for twenty wipes,everyone outside was in tucks!!!!

[spacehog]

his great arse

[jenko3000]

>he has to stand up,face the back of said bog,bend down and wipe his arse from the front!<

sounds like he needs a new arse-wiping technique

[Firesprice]

last year I went to Glasto with my buddy Mackerelboy, I vaguely remember watching REM and we were pretty near the front (also pretty mullered).

We completely lost each other and when REM finishes I started wondering around in circles looking for him.

His phone was turned off - to save him being ranted at by his girlfriend (whose ticket he had sold to me ) and I couldnt get hold of him.

I decided to go back to the tent, which I thought I should be able to find in my battered state. The neighbours had a big rainbow coloured flag so I thought no problem... 3 hours later I was still circuling the site. By this point I was freezing cold and went and bought myself a hideous balnket for a fiver from the blanket stall. After some more wondering, daylight was beginning to break and and I kipped down in someones porch for a few hours before it got properly light. I rang at my girlfriend at some point and apparently kept gibbering on about bein lost! In the morning I went in search of my tent and found it first time. The b@sterds next door had taken their flag pole down for the night and I had walked (within 6 foot) past my tent 5 times in the nite whilst lapping the site....

[Stashbox]

Glastonbury 1900 and something and we are in the strawberry fields(e14?)

campervan site,on the far side of the field ,up against the hedge.Its friday

morning about 3.00am and Im sitting outside with a few friends having one

last smoke before calling it a night. From behind our caravan we hear whispers--

"darren...stop making so much noise.....shhhhh......your gonna get us all caught"

Then some more whispers and curses "wheres Jason ?.....Darren ,we,re gonna

have to put the torch on.....I can,t find Jason......." Our suspicions aroused that

there are theives about to decend ,one of my mates turns switches the spot light on

the roof of his campervan .At full beam the field behind the hedge is blazed by

his 1000 watt beam and we hear "Darren! FOR F*CKS SAKE TURN THE TORCH

OFF!!!!!" We all climb onto the roof of the campervan and below us are three

ticketless lads cowering behind their rucksacks that they had been pushing in front

of themselves across a field of crops.Behind them are their wriggly trails of

flattened plants,stretching about 150 metres to the hedge on the far side of the

field.

Three scared faces peer up at us and then they grab their rucksacks and

make a dash for it ,except for one of them. My mate switches the spotlight off and on rapidly and we watch the duo ,stroboscopicly zigg-zag aross the field. The

remaining lad holds his hands up ,surrendering and looking like he has been

dragged thru a hedge backwards *(well he has been just about).

We invite the "prisoner" into our camp ,give him a smoke and a beer and he tells us that he and his mates have been crawling commando style from the drop off

point on the main road for nearly 5 hours.We roll him another smoke whilst the

spotlight is used to find his mates in the next field.

Eventually the sun comes up

and we are able to wave to them and he manages to convince them to come over to us. Daylight comes and we explain that they are still about a mile from the fence(pre superfence) and ask them what they want to do .They elect to get some

sleep and try to get themselves into the festival later .We didn,t stop laughing

about it for a couple of days.

Later the lads had moved on and we never saw them again. I always wondered if they did get in(I doubt it but I hope they did).

[Field Commander Jefferson]

resurrecting this topic!!!

In '05 at about 3am on the Friday night we'd met up with a group of people and were heading from the i.d spiral up to the stone circle. As we walked through the other stage field, which was by this point deserted, to much amusement we spotted a lone figure covered head to toe in mud, plodding through the dirt in nothing but pants. We were pissing ourselves laughing as we approached him only for the laughter to turn to shock as one of the girls we were with suddenly clocked that this guy was in fact one of her mates that she had lost earlier in the day!!!

It turned out that the last thing he remembered was taking 'something' around 3pm and now when he came to 12 hours later he had been stripped of everything but his pants and had lost £200 in cash, his wallet and his car keys!!!

Edited March 1, 2007 by Field Commander Jefferson Monkey

[MontagueWithnail]

The Pop up Pirate at Leeds has to be the best (and most disgusting story)...

I heard about this guy at the last Glastonbury though that had intended to sell a load of drugs and had about £2000 worth of cocaine, pills and weed in a holdall in his tent, only it got caught in the flood and the content of his bag turned to a muddly slush

[Magma]

My favourite Glastonbury stories are also the most heartwarming 'Glastonbury Vibe' stories from my visits...

In 1999, I went for the first time with my older brother. We, rather naughtily had jumped the fence through the use of an overhanging tree... but in the process had had nearly all of our bags taken by security (we threw them over first like total amateurs!!). After about 5 mins into the festival with only a sleeping bag each we somehow managed to randomly bump into someone we knew (we didn't even know they were going to be at the festival) and they offered us their porch to sleep in for the weekend. Result!

Later that night, my brother and I got caught in the crush across one of the bridges coming out of the Chemical Brothers gig... because of the bulk of our sleeping bags we both got caught in the current and dragged in different directions. So there I was, totally lost in a festival I'd never been to before... no map because we'd jumped in and now no tour guide since I'd been seperated from my brother. In some amazing stroke of brotherly intuition we both decided that the other one would be likely to head for the Stone Circle and that the bottom stone would be the most likely one to meet at. Despite having not arranged this in the slightest we both headed there... I managed to hook up with a bunch of hippies from Bristol who led the way for me and by the time I got there, my brother was just arriving shouting my name! Phew! By random stroke of luck, the friend we'd bumped into earlier was there too... and we got to take our stuff back to his tent! Amazing!

The other heartwarmer was last year on the Sunday night after Basement Jaxx. Looking for somewhere else to carry on dancing, we'd found a Wine Bar playing cheesy music so we were all outside dancing on benches to Queen and Abba. My friend, James, slipped over into the mud whilst dancing (the best bit about this was he didn't realise he'd fallen and kept dancing whilst on his face in the mud!) and dropped his drink. As a random picked him up, another random said "What were you drinking?" he replied "Vodka and Coke", at which point the second random disappeared for a couple of seconds and returned with a guy holding a bottle of vodka and a guy holding a bottle of coke. They filled up my friends cup and sent him on his way back to dancing! Nowhere else but Glastonbury!!

[ministe2003]

...dropped his drink. As a random picked him up, another random said "What were you drinking?" he replied "Vodka and Coke", at which point the second random disappeared for a couple of seconds and returned with a guy holding a bottle of vodka and a guy holding a bottle of coke. They filled up my friends cup and sent him on his way back to dancing! Nowhere else but Glastonbury!!

[krispy]

Ok think this happened at my first Glasto - met some people camped near us on the saturday afternoon had a few drinks together etc then decided to go off and see some band but we would catch up later kinda thing - went back to the tent about an hour later for a quick drink refill - to find the 'lovely' people we had just met had gone into our tent - stolen a litre and a half of vodka, a bottle of coke and some plastic glasses!! Scum!!!

Now the funny thing is one of them was actaully ok - and came over and was chatting apparently not knowing that his mate had done it. Anyway his mate was a bit or a t*ss pot - you know the type - oh how cool am I just done 20 pills!!!

Now by this point we are gutted - running out of cash fast and no alcolhol left - but hey ho nothing you can do about it - carry on and enjoy what was left of the weekend

The best bit is the following morning seeing the guy who apparently stole everything chucking his guts up everywhere - I know that not very Glasto spirit but its certainly retribution if I ever heard it!

[burnageblue]

During the Euro 2004 finals while at Glasto my mate on a mix of upper downers loopers and zooters stood at a stall engrossed watching a cracking game of football on a big flat screen telly for about 10 or 15 minutes.

It wasn't until a bloke came over and tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he was alright that he realised he'd been looking at a mirror

Edited March 1, 2007 by burnageblue

[freddyt234]

lol

I'm bumping this - people add more...

[Sam.]

On my way to V last year, we were on the bus from the train to the site, and got chatting to these lads at the back of the bus. We had expected it to be a short journey, but it was 40mins. One lad decided he needed a piss, so finished his bottle of coke and pissed in it. Puts the lid on, bottle on the floor. However he didn't put the lid on securely, and the bottle was rolling forward when the lid removed itself, leaving the contents all over some poor girls pink tent case

[StrettonHills]

This topic has me laughing at my desk and i'm getting funny looks!

worlds tallest man!

[Funkfarley]

This topic has me laughing at my desk and i'm getting funny looks!

worlds tallest man!

[Funkfarley]

Anything goes at Glasto...a member of our party (who shall remain nameless to protect their identity) Got destroyed on perry, tripped over a guy rope, flew straight through our gazebo, headbutted a pole on the other side and the gazebo tilted to a 45 degree angle! Much to our hilarity!

AND....later on that evening came to join us at the stone circle (Still destroyed on the perry...too much time at the cider bus methinks!) threw up on the grass...sat down very close to said vomit, lost their balance on the sloping terrain and consequently rolled down the hill...through the puddle he had made earlier. Again, much to our hilarity. Especially when he denied being sick AND then rolling through it!

Edited February 24, 2009 by Funkfarley

[karlpowell]

I have a few glasto related but this 1 from V fest is a corker

whilst at the V festival a few years ago a friend of mine ( we called him Ben in the V thread) decided to buy some poppers , as the stages closed to a finish he headed up on the fun fair rides by this time he had cained about half a bottle in and was pretty mullerd.

His girlfriend was on her way to meet him at the gravity wheel as she had not been able to get the saturday off work and just came saturday night and all day sunday.

He got on the gravity wheel and thought a good idea whilst on the wheel would be to get a giant bash on the poppers just as it gets going , the wheel started to spin and he took the top off the poppers and put the bottle to his nose , at this point the gravity wheel then started to lift and spin and all the remaining poppers went into his eyes and all over the people next to him on the ride.

He could no longer see and had to be helped off the ride and taken to St johns ambulance to have it washed out of his eyes .

Needless to say when his Mrs turned up and had to spend all her first night at V with St johns , she was not a happy bunny .

PS he was OK after the eye wash ( dont try this at home kids)

Karl

Edited February 25, 2009 by karlpowell