Do I come to the festival?

[Babybell]

First of all I'm so sorry you are going through this. I was in exactly this position last year.

My dad had terminal brain cancer and was in a care home having lost all movement and his speech. My family encouraged us to go, said he would want us to go and I just took it day by day up to the festival.

 

I was so torn but saw him on the morning before I left and we decided to go.  We had a couple of people lined up to pick us up if needed.

 

We got there thurs evening and I got a phone call from my sister at 1pm Friday to say the care home had advised we come and see him as they didn't think he'd be with us much longer.  It was an absolute mission to pack up and leave the festival and make our way home and I got there 45 mins after he passed.  My mum, brother and sister were all with him.

 

I wish I didn't go to the festival and I regret that decision.  I'm also going to have those memories of the phone call and where I was and I think I will struggle with that this year.

 

This is such an awful decision and I wish you all the strength at this time

 

 

 

[gigpusher]

When it comes to situations like this I always say imagine every scenario you can think of and how you think you would feel if they happen and make your decision based on that. Nobody else is you or your Mum so do whatever you need to and that would give you the most peace. If you feel you would regret a decision then you have your answer but you have known your Mum your whole life, you know your relationship, your thoughts and feelings on things and you just have to reconcile yourself with the best decision to make with that info.

 

FWIW if she sadly passes before the festival I personally would most likely go. In the UK there seems to be an interminable wait for funerals and getting away from things can actually be a good thing to do unless there is anything that absolutely must be done in that time period.

 

Sending all my love to you though at such a tough time.

[hodgey123]

Thanks again for all the lovely posts and stories. I am out of reactions for the day but really appreciate the support and thoughts. 

[LeeHC]

14 hours ago, hodgey123 said:

Hi everyone. Looking for a bit of advice. 
 

My Mum is in the end stages of terminal cancer. She has been in hospital all week and gradually deteriorating and won’t be coming home. My fiancé and I have tickets to the festival with a large group and I am very torn on what to do either if she dies before the festival or if death seems to be imminent during the festival. I would like to be there when she dies as I feel that is right, but I also feel she would not want anyone to cancel anything in order to mourn etc. What would you do in my situation? 

From personal experience you should spend as much time with her as you can- you won't get this time again. I'm sorry to hear this as it's such a hard thing to go through. 

 

I was there at the end and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

If it's before- entirely up to you there is no right on wrong. No way of knowing how you feel and there is no right or wrong in this situation, take it hour by hour, day by day. 

 

Love to you and your family

[fred quimby]

Think I echo others. If she passes on before go and have the best time for her. She will be looking on with a smile.

If not then stay with her so she feels your love.

look after yourselves though. Big love and thoughts with you.

 

I for one will raise a glass/can to your Mum and wish her well on her travels

[fred quimby]

Sorry

Edited June 13 by fred quimby

[fred quimby]

Idiot 3rd post of the same thing

Edited June 13 by fred quimby

[CantWaitForGlasto22]

What a beautiful community of lovely people you all are ❤️

[Lucy92]

5 hours ago, Babybell said:

First of all I'm so sorry you are going through this. I was in exactly this position last year.

My dad had terminal brain cancer and was in a care home having lost all movement and his speech. My family encouraged us to go, said he would want us to go and I just took it day by day up to the festival.

 

I was so torn but saw him on the morning before I left and we decided to go.  We had a couple of people lined up to pick us up if needed.

 

We got there thurs evening and I got a phone call from my sister at 1pm Friday to say the care home had advised we come and see him as they didn't think he'd be with us much longer.  It was an absolute mission to pack up and leave the festival and make our way home and I got there 45 mins after he passed.  My mum, brother and sister were all with him.

 

I wish I didn't go to the festival and I regret that decision.  I'm also going to have those memories of the phone call and where I was and I think I will struggle with that this year.

 

This is such an awful decision and I wish you all the strength at this time

 

 

 

I’m sorry you’ve been through this too. I also missed seeing my dad (he died while I was driving to the hospital) so I know how horrible it is. I hope you have a great time at the festival this year and make new memories and treasure the ones you had with your dad 

[agroovin]

Mum ❤️

[Olshansky]

 

all the love to you, firstly 

 

as others have said, take it day by day and listen to your gut. 

 

[Babybell]

4 hours ago, Lucy92 said:

I’m sorry you’ve been through this too. I also missed seeing my dad (he died while I was driving to the hospital) so I know how horrible it is. I hope you have a great time at the festival this year and make new memories and treasure the ones you had with your dad 

 
Thank you and sorry you know the feeling too. I’ll def be raising a glass to him ❤️

[Pinhead]

My Mum was in final stages of heart failure this time last year. She died Aug 9th. I asked her about G and she said go anyway. I'd do the same personally if it was my kids and I was in final stages. That said it is something you will inevitably feel guilty about if the event occurs during. Consider - could you leave site in time to be with her and also that this is one year out of many other opportunities you will have in the future. Also ask her if you are able about what she thinks. Myself I was reasonably confident the final event was still a few weeks off, but if she had been in clear final stages, I would have remained with her. The rest is really too personal to you and your family and so on for me to glibly comment.

[phillyfaddle]

It’s an awful time. Having been in a very similar situation in 2016, I went to the festival but was fully prepared to either not go or leave early if my mum’s situation worsened before/during. It didn’t and she passed 2 weeks later. My sis and I were with her and held her hand as she left this life. I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I’d not been able to do that.
 

TBH 2016 wasn’t great anyway. The weather was grim and Brexit happened. I ended up leaving early late Sunday afternoon. 
 

Wishing you all the very best. Do what your heart tells you. It’s not easy. X

[ibilly99]

Your mum 100% - Glastonbury is just bands playing a field really, but your mum is your mum. Be with her when it really matters I did with mine and they are some of the most beautiful bitter sweet moments of my life.

 

Last year I was having a piss in the long drops on the railway line and a bloke in his late 50s opposite was hollering about how this was a terrible place and a people wern't really enjoying themselves and were just off their heads. I chatted away saying chill pal it takes all sorts. On the way out I shadowed him as we entered the Avalon field. I said are you alright mate you don't seem to be having a good time. He broke down and said I'm sorry my 19 year daughter killed herself at Christmas and we both had tickets to go. So in memory of her he thought it would be a good idea to go alone. I hugged him was crying myself and said I'm so sorry this probably isn't the place you want to be and said he would find a good hearing and peace at the Samaritans tent. He gathered himself together and walked off mouthing sorry. I'll will never forget that.

 

Hope you find the answer and your mum finds peace. xx

 

 

Edited June 13 by ibilly99

[Razza_bezza]

23 hours ago, hodgey123 said:

Hi everyone. Looking for a bit of advice. 
 

My Mum is in the end stages of terminal cancer. She has been in hospital all week and gradually deteriorating and won’t be coming home. My fiancé and I have tickets to the festival with a large group and I am very torn on what to do either if she dies before the festival or if death seems to be imminent during the festival. I would like to be there when she dies as I feel that is right, but I also feel she would not want anyone to cancel anything in order to mourn etc. What would you do in my situation? 

Hi I know how you feel in 2019 my dad was receiving end of life care he seemed in good spirits but deteriorated the last couple days of the festival, we weren’t aware as he didn’t want to ruin our weekend, he held on until the Wednesday after the festival, it’s a really tough decision to make and only one that you can make if I knew how close he was I doubt I would’ve gone but I’m so glad I did and he knew what a cracking week we were having. 
 

thoughts with you and your family it’s a really tough time to go through ❤️

[Lucy92]

Just wanted to check in and say I’m thinking of you, I hope your mum had a better night 

[giantkatestacks]

Hey @hodgey123I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I know exactly how you feel. I wanted to say that there is sometimes a lot of peace to be gained from sitting with a relative through a 'good death'. In your place I would stay at home but you need to decide whats right for you and your whole family. The festival really isnt a big deal though. 

[Neil]

On 6/12/2024 at 10:03 PM, hodgey123 said:

Hi everyone. Looking for a bit of advice. 
 

My Mum is in the end stages of terminal cancer. She has been in hospital all week and gradually deteriorating and won’t be coming home. My fiancé and I have tickets to the festival with a large group and I am very torn on what to do either if she dies before the festival or if death seems to be imminent during the festival. I would like to be there when she dies as I feel that is right, but I also feel she would not want anyone to cancel anything in order to mourn etc. What would you do in my situation? 

spend the time with your mum, its something you might not be able to repeat, i'd give loads to have extra time with my mum, who passed away unexpectedly. (at least you know whats going on).

 

give your mum a hug while you can 🙂

[LateStarter50]

On 6/12/2024 at 10:42 PM, hodgey123 said:

Thanks a lot everyone for your very kind responses. I must admit I am still incredibly undecided and it will really depend on how and when it happens. My Mum seriously would want me to go which is the ironic part, but I will just need to see what happens and how my siblings are at the time. 

I've been on the cusp of replying since yesterday but just not sure how to put into words how sad I feel for you and your family at the moment, as with many replying, I've been through this journey. The only thing I would want to add is to really check in with your siblings, are they similarly minded or would they have different expectations? I'd hate things to get complicated for you in that way, as it's something which could rumble on for years and years. 

In the meantime, you are doing a wonderful job of being her son and I hope that the pain and suffering is not drawn out. Given that hearing is one of the last senses to function, music at the bedside could be a real comfort for you both to share in. Take care of yourself.

[hodgey123]

Thanks again for the continued messages of support. Unfortunately, Mum died this morning. She was a lot more settled and comfortable. At this moment, I will probably be going to Glastonbury as planned, potentially missing a day depending on when the funeral will be arranged. Thanks all. 

[CantWaitForGlasto22]

@hodgey123 so sorry to hear this. Look after yourself. It’s good you were there with her at the end. 

[dizzymoo]

6 minutes ago, hodgey123 said:

Thanks again for the continued messages of support. Unfortunately, Mum died this morning. She was a lot more settled and comfortable. At this moment, I will probably be going to Glastonbury as planned, potentially missing a day depending on when the funeral will be arranged. Thanks all. 

Sending you and your family warm hugs. I'm glad your mum was peaceful at the end. Look after each other; love is what matters.

[Helsbels]

Thinking of you and sending love ❤️ 

[blutarsky]

On 6/13/2024 at 9:06 AM, gigpusher said:

FWIW if she sadly passes before the festival I personally would most likely go. In the UK there seems to be an interminable wait for funerals and getting away from things can actually be a good thing to do unless there is anything that absolutely must be done in that time period.

 

This would be my take, assuming I've removed my children from the equation.
If my mum passed more than a few days before then I'd go. If it looked like she might still be hanging on, ready to go any time, then I wouldn't. 
Since having children, if she passed before the festival I'd want to be at home for my girls who've lost their nanny. 

 

It's such a personal decision and influenced by so many contextual factors, only you can decide.