Attending gigs solo

[Mardy]

1 minute ago, sadimmock said:

A generalisation perhaps? You often argue strongly that older people are overly obsessed with watching older bands; often to the point of distain. Are you now saying that they now feel unwelcome at gigs by younger acts? Which is it? 
 

 

 

Actually, I think I'd argue that both young and old people are far too obsessed with watching aging bands. But that's a totally different situation.

 

I think men need to understand how their presence can make women feel uncomfortable at gigs, and understand that being asked a couple of questions as you enter a gig is a small price to pay for women feeling safer attending events on their own.

[Ben7amin_]

I think perhaps if the venue has had problems with guys date raping girls -  Its not massively an inconvenience for me to undergo a little search on entry.  Happy to do so if its in the name of making gigs safer.  Id rather be searched for no reason than them not search a potential rapist for the reasons of upsetting people who did not need to be searched. 

 

However Its a bit weird getting questioned about knowledge of the band and thats a bit silly.   I mean would security know if i offered up a load of made up song titles. Is. knowlege of the band a pre-requisite to seeing them - im not sure it is. 

Edited September 30 by Ben7amin_

[Mardy]

Some of the replies here are illuminating...

 

 

[sadimmock]

9 minutes ago, Mardy said:

 

Actually, I think I'd argue that both young and old people are far too obsessed with watching aging bands. But that's a totally different situation.

 

I think men need to understand how their presence can make women feel uncomfortable at gigs, and understand that being asked a couple of questions as you enter a gig is a small price to pay for women feeling safer attending events on their own.

Apologies. I snapped at you there, which you probably didn’t deserve. I don’t think that anyone would object to the bouncers asking a few questions. That is no different to what happens every week outside clubs and pubs. It just seems that this went significantly beyond that. 
 

Either way someone needs to make a statement now. Either:

 

a) “we had significant concerns about the safety of our younger female fans. Therefore we had to take this action. Apologies if you were offended/upset but that is how is going to have to b for on now on”

 

or

 

b) “we asked the bouncers to be a bit more vigilant and they took it a bit too far. Sorry”

 

Edited September 30 by sadimmock

[Ben7amin_]

4 minutes ago, Mardy said:

Some of the replies here are illuminating...

 

 

The question should aways be met - wtih what do I get if I do -   and id recommend starting at minimum a tenner

 

[scatteredscreens]

5 minutes ago, sadimmock said:

Apologies. I snapped at you there, which you probably didn’t deserve. I don’t think that anyone would object to the bouncers asking a few questions. That is no different to what happens every week outside clubs and pubs. It just seems that this went significantly beyond that. 
 

Either way someone needs to make a statement now. Either:

 

a) “we had significant concerns about the safety of our younger female fans. Therefore we had to take this action. Apologies if you were offended/upset but that is how is going to have to b for on now on”

 

or

 

b) “we asked the bouncers to be a bit more vigilant and they took it a bit too far. Sorry”

 

They already have made a statement. https://www.theguardian.com/music/2024/sep/30/lincoln-venue-apologises-treatment-of-male-gig-goers-last-dinner-party-concert?utm_term=Autofeed&CMP=twt_gu&utm_medium&utm_source=Twitter#Echobox=1727688884 

[Mardy]

3 minutes ago, sadimmock said:

Apologies. I snapped at you there, which you probably didn’t deserve. I don’t think that anyone would object to the bouncers asking a few questions. That is no different to what happens every week outside clubs and pubs. It just seems that this went significantly beyond that. 
 

Either way someone needs to make a statement now. Either:

 

a) “we had significant concerns about the safety of our younger female fans. Therefore we had to take this action. Apologies if you were offended/upset but that is how is going to have to b for on now on”

 

or

 

b) “we asked the bouncers to be a bit more vigilant and they took it a bit too far. Sorry”

 

 

 

Absolutely no apology needed, either from you to me or more pertinently, from the venue to those men 

 

 

[scatteredscreens]

Just now, Mardy said:

 

 

Absolutely no apology needed, either from you to me or more pertinently, from the venue to those men 

 

 

There is though. It's a poor way of handling the situation. Also completely stupid to think that women's safety at gigs increases by asking some random guys for the name of three songs. It's a serious issue to be dealt with but this isn't the way of doing it.

[Soggy_feet]

Not a gig but related. Last Friday we had a work night out which involved a meal at local bar/venue that also has live bands on. 

 

Later in the evening there was just me and 2 female work colleagues left watching the band. I went outside for a smoke and then came back and sat down next to my colleagues on a sofa. Almost immediately a bouncer came over and asked my colleagues if it was ok if I sat down next to them. I thought that was great and reassuring that they would keep an eye out for such things. 

 

As a dad to a soon to be 15 year old girl and who will no doubt be going out to such places in the not too distant future, I'm all for it. 

[efcfanwirral]

1 hour ago, Ben7amin_ said:

I think perhaps if the venue has had problems with guys date raping girls -  Its not massively an inconvenience for me to undergo a little search on entry.  Happy to do so if its in the name of making gigs safer.  Id rather be searched for no reason than them not search a potential rapist for the reasons of upsetting people who did not need to be searched. 

 

However Its a bit weird getting questioned about knowledge of the band and thats a bit silly.   I mean would security know if i offered up a load of made up song titles. Is. knowlege of the band a pre-requisite to seeing them - im not sure it is. 

 

1 hour ago, scatteredscreens said:

There is though. It's a poor way of handling the situation. Also completely stupid to think that women's safety at gigs increases by asking some random guys for the name of three songs. It's a serious issue to be dealt with but this isn't the way of doing it.

I noticed in one of the replies to the original tweet someone else said that they'd been stood in the queue and others in the queue were asking him about favourite songs, and that his answer was "not acceptable" or something along those lines. So it seems naming the well known singles isn't quite going to cut it, at least for the fellow fans...

 

As if all the bouncers have a clue about the names of the songs,  though at least with these there's only a list of like 12 to glance over before they ask the questions. Imagine asking that for a band who's on their 5th album...

Edited September 30 by efcfanwirral

[efcfanwirral]

7th most viewed story on The Guardian, so guessing the band will have to say something even if its just to reiterate this is what will be happening (which I still think should be done anyway, its the blindsiding of people that I'm not sure about, I prefer the honest approach so people know what they're going into)

[The Nal]

Is there a history of sexual assaults at their gigs? Or that venue?

 

Asking people to name songs is rubbish tho. Ive been to loads of gigs where I couldnt name a tune. Not on my own to see an act with a young female following mind you. 

Edited September 30 by The Nal

[incident]

45 minutes ago, efcfanwirral said:

I noticed in one of the replies to the original tweet someone else said that they'd been stood in the queue and others in the queue were asking him about favourite songs, and that his answer was "not acceptable" or something along those lines. So it seems naming the well known singles isn't quite going to cut it, at least for the fellow fans...

 

As if all the bouncers have a clue about the names of the songs,  though at least with these there's only a list of like 12 to glance over before they ask the questions. Imagine asking that for a band who's on their 5th album...

 

The whole "name a song" thing is stupid anyway. If someone has bothered to purchase a 30 quid ticket, for a tour that sold out near enough instantly, then it's safe to assume that they want to see the band. Being a fan of the band doesn't preclude someone from being a creepy f**ker, just as it doesn't implicate them. It'd be much more effective to simply have a few plain clothes security dotted around the place keeping eyes well open for anything amiss (and if necessary, they can stand next to anyone suspicious to keep a closer watch while still blending in to the crowd).

 

To be kinda blunt and cynical about it - if someone really is going out with a primary focus to be a creepy f**ker that has no interest in the band (and yeah, those people do exist), then there's other places that I have to think they'd head to first. Any town of a decent size will have bars and clubs that I'd avoid like the plague but that teenage girls (and therefore creepy older blokes) will flock to, and that will have alcohol (and consequently, bad judgement) flowing far more freely than you'd see at a gig from an indieish band. Unfortunately that's especially true at this time of year, with Unis back and all the 18 year olds away from home for the first time trying to check out all the free entry / cheap drinks offers that these places use to entice people in.

Edited September 30 by incident

[clasher]

Providing clear channels of reporting harassment, encouraging to do so and having staff trained and alert to potentially problematic events is one thing.

 

Arbitrarily targeting a certain demographic with stricter security measures while also setting criteria for attending a gig is another thing.

 

Surely we can agree that one is very much welcome and the other is unacceptable?

[Ben7amin_]

56 minutes ago, efcfanwirral said:

 

I noticed in one of the replies to the original tweet someone else said that they'd been stood in the queue and others in the queue were asking him about favourite songs, and that his answer was "not acceptable" or something along those lines. So it seems naming the well known singles isn't quite going to cut it, at least for the fellow fans...

 

As if all the bouncers have a clue about the names of the songs,  though at least with these there's only a list of like 12 to glance over before they ask the questions. Imagine asking that for a band who's on their 5th album...

 

 I Mean good luck if its a DJ set 

[philipsteak]

2 hours ago, Soggy_feet said:

Not a gig but related. Last Friday we had a work night out which involved a meal at local bar/venue that also has live bands on. 

 

Later in the evening there was just me and 2 female work colleagues left watching the band. I went outside for a smoke and then came back and sat down next to my colleagues on a sofa. Almost immediately a bouncer came over and asked my colleagues if it was ok if I sat down next to them. I thought that was great and reassuring that they would keep an eye out for such things. 

 

As a dad to a soon to be 15 year old girl and who will no doubt be going out to such places in the not too distant future, I'm all for it. 

 

Good on that bouncer.

 

Few years ago at Glastonbury we were in Shangri La. One of our younger female friends had got a bit wrecked and decided to wander off. I followed to make sure she was OK (she was, but easily could not have been) and try to shepherd her back to the group. Took a while. She was hammered. I remember thinking at the time that this could look dodgy as hell. Big bloke in his 40s wander up to a much smaller woman in her 30s. She's obviously very drunk, he's sober. Most people wouldn't have seen we were together prior to this. Wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world if someone had just wandered over and checked on the situation. But then would I? Dunno. I have intervened before but only at the stage it's very obvious that something is wrong. I like to think someone was keeping an eye out. I've definitely done that before at least

 

Oh, and just to add, the venue/security's policy was mad and as others have pointed out, does nothing to sort the problem it was trying to solve

Edited September 30 by philipsteak

[efcfanwirral]

1 hour ago, incident said:

 

The whole "name a song" thing is stupid anyway. If someone has bothered to purchase a 30 quid ticket, for a tour that sold out near enough instantly, then it's safe to assume that they want to see the band. Being a fan of the band doesn't preclude someone from being a creepy f**ker, just as it doesn't implicate them. It'd be much more effective to simply have a few plain clothes security dotted around the place keeping eyes well open for anything amiss (and if necessary, they can stand next to anyone suspicious to keep a closer watch while still blending in to the crowd).

 

To be kinda blunt and cynical about it - if someone really is going out with a primary focus to be a creepy f**ker that has no interest in the band (and yeah, those people do exist), then there's other places that I have to think they'd head to first. Any town of a decent size will have bars and clubs that I'd avoid like the plague but that teenage girls (and therefore creepy older blokes) will flock to, and that will have alcohol (and consequently, bad judgement) flowing far more freely than you'd see at a gig from an indieish band. Unfortunately that's especially true at this time of year, with Unis back and all the 18 year olds away from home for the first time trying to check out all the free entry / cheap drinks offers that these places use to entice people in.

That's very true actually, I can't imagine there was even much activity on Twickets for this one and sold out so quickly at the start.

[efcfanwirral]

32 minutes ago, philipsteak said:

 

Good on that bouncer.

 

Few years ago at Glastonbury we were in Shangri La. One of our younger female friends had got a bit wrecked and decided to wander off. I followed to make sure she was OK (she was, but easily could not have been) and try to shepherd her back to the group. Took a while. She was hammered. I remember thinking at the time that this could look dodgy as hell. Big bloke in his 40s wander up to a much smaller woman in her 30s. She's obviously very drunk, he's sober. Most people wouldn't have seen we were together prior to this. Wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world if someone had just wandered over and checked on the situation. But then would I? Dunno. I have intervened before but only at the stage it's very obvious that something is wrong. I like to think someone was keeping an eye out. I've definitely done that before at least

 

Oh, and just to add, the venue/security's policy was mad and as others have pointed out, does nothing to sort the problem it was trying to solve

I've got to admit, unless something is clearly wrong like you say (or if someone is being particularly annoying!!), I don't really take much notice of other people. 

[kaosmark2]

20 hours ago, Nestacres said:

Tbf a quick look at his Twitter page, its full of semi naked selfies and pictures in his underpants so I'm not that surprised (that's if this happened at all or isn't a fake page)..

I think this is pretty relevant, sleazy guy is trying to complain about anything that might protect girls.

 

I'm sure something happened, but it sounds like a kick-off against anything going slightly too far by someone who wants no protections around.

[4AssedMonkey]

4 hours ago, Mardy said:

Ah, boohoohoo, Dan feels a little bit uncomfortable at a TLDP gig. Tough f**king sh*t. All of female friends feel really uncomfortable in a whole variety of settings, pubs, clubs, gigs etc if they're on their own, or even if they're with their friends. I give precisely zero f**ks about WhitemiddleagedprivilegedDanfromTwitter's slightly bruised feelings. Grow the f**k up you whining little maggot, and think about the context around you. Women's safety is way more important than you getting asked a couple of questions. 

 

Beat me to it.  Has serious vibes of Farage et al bemoaning "snowflakes" and at the same time being the thin skinned turds that they are.

[zahidf]

I was asked about National song titles at Brixton academy when i went by myself 8/9 years ago. they though i was a drug dealer i reckon

 

On the last dinner party thing, its clear it was the venue doing a weird policy. Given the realities of these things, i think the venue had good intentions but the execution was awful. 

[Gnomicide]

Response from the band:

 

[scatteredscreens]

Some of the responses here are quite shocking. This is not a binary scale, you can think the method was wrong and also think that the issue is a serious problem.

 

telling someone to 'Grow the f**k up you whining little maggot' or attributing it to Farage? Very odd.

[Chip Batch]

3 hours ago, Mardy said:

 

 

Absolutely no apology needed, either from you to me or more pertinently, from the venue to those men 

 

 

Nah, there is and they have. If people were told by security for no reason other than being male that that they thought they might be a pervert and onlythere to touch women, that isn't OK. 

 

Also a bigger problem is people that go to gigs and do that, despite with the infalliable method of asking potential perverts if they know any of the band's songs.

Edited September 30 by Chip Batch

[efcfanwirral]

21 minutes ago, zahidf said:

I was asked about National song titles at Brixton academy when i went by myself 8/9 years ago. they though i was a drug dealer i reckon

 

On the last dinner party thing, its clear it was the venue doing a weird policy. Given the realities of these things, i think the venue had good intentions but the execution was awful. 

I doubt my favourite songs by the National would be acceptable to their fans in a questioning situation haha. Pick the most obscure b side...