singles thread

[Radar]

Genetic disposition? Some animals mate for life don't they? Or maybe a cultural thing. Or something to do with love.

I used to be open minded about this matters until I fell head over heels.

[sifi]

PS: Again for the record this is just a line of argument, I'm not at all sure I accept or believe it. Rather the opposite. Even if that makes me a hypocrite.

Edited April 21, 2009 by sifimaster

[sadwitch]

Again, as devil's advocate:

- Some animals do mate for life, but we are more complex than your average animal. We don't necessarily attach ourselves to the first partner we sleep with either - I would in fact say that's pretty rare these days.

- Cultural thing: yes much more likely. Informed by religion, patriarchy, etc etc - come on there are people who can make this argument better than I can.

- I am sure that there can be loving open relationships, I reckon their advocates would say that they were even more loving as one partner wouldn't get uptight about "their" partner shagging someone else.

Aha, there you go then - you do understand.

PS: Again for the record this is just a line of argument, I'm not at all sure I accept or believe it. Rather the opposite. Even if that makes me a hypocrite.

[feral chile]

Again, as devil's advocate:

- Some animals do mate for life, but we are more complex than your average animal. We don't necessarily attach ourselves to the first partner we sleep with either - I would in fact say that's pretty rare these days.

- Cultural thing: yes much more likely. Informed by religion, patriarchy, etc etc - come on there are people who can make this argument better than I can.

- I am sure that there can be loving open relationships, I reckon their advocates would say that they were even more loving as one partner wouldn't get uptight about "their" partner shagging someone else.

Aha, there you go then - you do understand.

PS: Again for the record this is just a line of argument, I'm not at all sure I accept or believe it. Rather the opposite. Even if that makes me a hypocrite.

Edited April 21, 2009 by feral chile

[feral chile]

I said that my definition of relationship was not met if it was only a sexual relationship. A relationship for me is a bit more than that. I know it's difficult for you to comprehend, but there are many other variables that got to making a relationship other than sex. If it's only sex, it's not what I would define as a relationship.

I'm not going to repeat myself again btw. I'll just embed a URL pointing back to this post.

[feral chile]

As biological advocate:

As a species we invest a lot into bringing up few offspring and in evolutionary terms two partners bringing up the offspring would probably have a better success rate so as a girl you would want your mate to not be off spawning here there and everywhere in order that they could devote all their resources to you and your offspring. As a boy you would want your mate to not be having sex with others in order that you didn't end up wasting your resources raising offspring that weren't genetically yours.

Of course shagging around could potentially get you more offspring in total/better mates. It depends on stuff.

Look at me saying the word "evolutionary" and ignoring (*braces self*) the influence of culture and society. See you in oooh... ten pages?

I'll start:

But what, really, is culture?

Edited April 21, 2009 by feral chile

[sadwitch]

so, evolutionary speaking, women should be faithless hussies and men should be faithful? That way women would have more chance of getting pregnant and more likely to couple up with a good father figure?

[feral chile]

Well if you can abandon your offspring and they'll be ok to reach adulthood then you're better off shagging around and having as many as possible. If they're all going to die however because they haven't got enough to eat then it's better to just raise a few with more care.

If women are going to be faithless hussies they'd better not let their paired mate find out or he won't invest as much time in her and the offspring.

[Radar]

If women are going to be faithless hussies they'd better not let their paired mate find out or he won't invest as much time in her and the offspring.

[Peevis]

I'm, growing a beard.

Will I ever get laid again? Probably not. Still, it's good of me to give you fellas a fighting chance don't you think?

Still, I'm bringing back fashionable face fuzz. So Ladies, remember, not only does it keep my face warm, it can also tickly prickle the tops of your inner thighs!

[Peevis]

Arguably it's all about power relations though. Which doesn't contradict your biological perspective - just as in the animal kingdom there are alpha males and females, who get the majority of interest and can call the shots. less dominant members of the species are let scratching about for scraps. This can be pretty clearly seen in human sexual behaviour also - both within the mainstream and more formalised fetish contexts - right?

[worm]

The problem you all have here is that you're looking at sex from the perspective of definitive mating behaviour, and as far as Radar is concerned, anthropological social relations.

Extremely conservative.

[worm]

I said that my definition of relationship was not met if it was only a sexual relationship.

[worm]

If it's only sex, it's not what I would define as a relationship.

[sifi]

I'm, growing a beard.

Will I ever get laid again? Probably not. Still, it's good of me to give you fellas a fighting chance don't you think?

Still, I'm bringing back fashionable face fuzz. So Ladies, remember, not only does it keep my face warm, it can also tickly prickle the tops of your inner thighs!

[sifi]

Then I suppose the problem is in what you define as a relationship. A relationship is a relationship regardless of your ideal. If you relate to someone, you have a relationship. Whether that be based upon love, shared values, professional mutuality, co-operation, social bonds etc.

My point is that a relationship between yourself and someone you come to deem significant has to be based upon sex, otherwise its not a significant coupling bond. You can have every single other factor that you deem significant (love, sharing, desire to be together, consideration etc) in a platonic relationship. The only thing that makes it a coupling relationship as opposed to a platonic relationship is that you share and act upon sexual desire. Otherwise, the relationship between my family members and my significant other are exactly the same.

Edited April 22, 2009 by sifimaster

[Radar]

This is the wet mans version of evolution. Women who attrract neaderthals munt! End of. They impregnant way too easy, live on council estates, have ecxma and make you watch Ant and Dec!

If the rest are the scraps, you seriously need to get out more!!

[worm]

I don't think there is a problem with how I define a relationship. As evidenced by the fact I've been in one for many years now.

[sifi]

So because you've had a successful significant relationship based upon coupling, you feel that you can dismiss all other relationships as relationships? What are they then?

Edited April 22, 2009 by sifimaster

[worm]

Come on then big man, expand the debate! My seed is almost bursting to hear your thoughts! (no really, say your piece, don't just carp)

[worm]

I'm not dismissing. Stop putting words into my mouth. Or anything into my mouth for that matter. I have clearly said that sex is important, but without all those other things for me it's not a relationship by my definition.

Edited April 22, 2009 by worm

[sifi]

Whoa, whoa. You said 'they are not relationships'. That's dismissing. I have no wish to put words in your mouth Sifi.

[worm]

They aren't.

Edited April 22, 2009 by worm

[sifi]

Then you are being dismissive as I said before.

But you've just said a load of stuff about relationships* based soley on sex.

*even though you don't recognise these as 'relationships'.

[Radar]

Well, that we don't have sex due to definitive mating behaviour (f**k that!) and that our social relations aren't comprised of anthropological power relations, given that we all have different needs and gain different things from each relationship.