singles thread

[Radar]

Then you're talking about a social relationship that includes sex and not vice versa. All social relationships are open so of course its an open relationship - it can't be anything else. You don't give a toss if other people sleep with that person because they're just a friend that you sometimes have sex. Having sex with each other is the same as drinking with each other. Ther person is not intimately significant, nor is the sex.

A sexual relationship is quite different.

[Katster]

Oh, you mean a lesson.

[Radar]

Just pointing out some non-sexual differences between relationships with partners compared to other interactions

Edited April 23, 2009 by Radar

[worm]

So you believe it is not possible to have as you term it "a sexual relationship" with one person, and have sex with some others, and for that to be an acceptable - but open - relationship?

[worm]

So you believe it is not possible to have as you term it "a sexual relationship" with one person, and have sex with some others, and for that to be an acceptable - but open - relationship?

[Goblinz]

Commitment to what exactly? Being friends?

Both people sleep around with whomever they like.

[Goblinz]

Yes. An open relationship encompasses a whole host of goals set up by the indivuals concerned. Hence, it is open. My point was that you couldn't measure the success in the same way that you can measure the success of a closed relationship.

[worm]

As in commited to each other as partners.

[worm]

How do you gauge the success of a closed relationship?

[worm]

If your just sleeping around with loads of people then you are having sexual relationships with them but none is a significant other, a partner.

[Katster]

I was stating differences between people you shag, and the person who is actually your partner, within the context of an open relationship - as far as I understand it. Which I don't totally, not having tried one.

[worm]

Why not?

[Katster]

Whether or not it remains closed. I've already said this. It's obvious.

Edited April 23, 2009 by Katster

[Goblinz]

Whether or not it remains closed. I've already said this. It's obvious.

[worm]

As an example, I've had an open relationship with everyone I've ever been with because I believe people should do whatever they like. I've hoped that in their freedom two (of note) would not sleep around out of choice, but I would not oblige them. That's an open relationship. Each individual sets their own goals. Sometimes they're shared.

[Goblinz]

Because they don't have the same goals.

The goal of a closed relationship is to remain closed. If it doesn't, it becomes open. The goal of an open relationship is whatever the f**k you like because..............................it's open!

[Goblinz]

As an example, I've had an open relationship with everyone I've ever been with because I believe people should do whatever they like. I've hoped that in their freedom two (of note) would not sleep around out of choice, but I would not oblige them. That's an open relationship. Each individual sets their own goals. Sometimes they're shared.

[worm]

Surely it's whether each partners hopes and goals are fulfilled, whether they are happy, etc

[worm]

Open relationship

[worm]

Why is the goal of a closed relationship to remain closed.

Edited April 23, 2009 by worm

[Katster]

Because they don't have the same goals.

The goal of a closed relationship is to remain closed. If it doesn't, it becomes open. The goal of an open relationship is whatever the f**k you like because..............................it's open!

[worm]

Personally I'd say it is to stay together and to stay happy, that's just my opinion though.

Edited April 23, 2009 by worm

[worm]

Hang on one second. Earlier today you said the goal of a relationship was for it to last, you're now saying the goal of a relationship is for it to remain closed. Make your bloody mind up!!

Edited April 23, 2009 by worm

[Peevis]

I believe the real point is the humans, particularly males but also females to a lesser extent are terratorial when it comes to mating, like many species in fact. We are simply big brained monkeys after all. The overwhealming majority of peeps do view their mate as some form of property. You have after all invested some effort into finding, establishing and maintaining the relationship so it is not unreasonable to want exclusivity on your investment. This works in evolutionary terms 'cos it helps maintain a solid relationship for however long it takes to drag up your offspring. Plus, as was said, most men in particular need a woman to faithful (to them at least) so they know the offspring is theirs and they are not spending all their efforts nurturing someone else's DNA.

I know people like different things, and in truth will put up with many and varies types of shit from their lover and even think they are happy, but I find it hard to see how 2 people whp are in mutual and true romantic love, for however long that peroid lasts, can be happy sharing. Can anyone say here that they have been in proper love with someone, yet would have been happy to see that person boinked good and hard by someone else? I know I couldn't. And it's less of a thought process, more of a feeling, which is why I bring up our monkey ancestors.

Of course you also have the modern male ego, who is obsesssed by being the best God damned lover she ever had. if girls (and I generalise here I know) are worried about being fatties whent he kit comes off, blokes are just as concerned with size and performance. This competition is why open relationships will usually fail. I think most people want and need to be enough and more for the person they have fallen in love with.

Surely logic says that is you are in an open relationship one of you is not enough for the other. This feels like an insult to me and I think most people. The good news is, I've never had an issue with being enough for anyone. The bad news is I'ma a chap. and so therefore inherently dishonest amd hypocritical when it comes to mating. Most blokes, even the nice ones, would sell their Granny for little action.

Edited April 23, 2009 by Peevis

[worm]

I believe the real point is the humans, particularly males but also females to a lesser extent are terratorial when it comes to mating, like many species in fact. We are simply big brained monkeys after all. The overwhealming majority of peeps do view their mate as some form of property. You have after all invested some effort into finding, establishing and maintaining the relationship so it is not unreasonable to want exclusivity on your investment. This works in evolutionary terms 'cos it helps maintain a solid relationship for however long it takes to drag up your offspring. Plus, as was said, most men in particular need a woman to faithful (to them at least) so they know the offspring is theirs and they are not spending all their efforts nurturing someone else's DNA.

Edited April 23, 2009 by worm