the only weather forecast you will need

[porkybrushcut]

Layby dogger,bobby fischer, german , bite my arse, here is the latest weather synopsis for this weekend. Friday morning will see a wide front of highly disorganised festival goers converging upon Cheltenham racecorset.Heavy carrying and strong language can be expected.By teatime Bacardi ice may be a problem and cloudy cider will follow. The evening will be mild and bitter.Lighting up time commences when everyone has rizlas. A rain of terror will descend upon anyone found playing bongos outside my tent after 4 am.

Saturday morning will see sporadic foggy hangovers and outbreaks of ibroprufen, although conditions will settle by mid day and there will be long periods of chilled out music.The low lying pissed may be a problem , if so, just walk round them.The relative calm may be broken by outbreaks of intermittent stupid dancing...thankfully , any jugglers will be short lived.

Sunday may see small cyclonic winds above the toilets but these will clear from the west. mud won't be a problem as they split years ago. up.The u.v. (ugly vegetarians) index may be very high so make sure you bring your own pork sausages.

A ridge of high pressure in my underpants will extend toward kate rusby on sunday, this will be followed by cold showers ....visibility poor, must go to spec savers. Genuine hail can be found in the real hail tent.

Monday morning will see a return to work followd by a deep depression.

This report was made possible using windows vesta beef curry and my huge ornate pre raphelite weather cock.

[gratedenini]

Your power of written word is strong Pigbiscuit -- I commend thee. There could be mirth made between our camps.... gaze your eye for the Orange Man in the sky.

[mr blue]

Well done young Porky. The funniest forecast since I last checked fretcheck.

[porkybrushcut]

Well done young Porky. The funniest forecast since I last checked fretcheck.

[jollynolly]

You are 55, do I get a prize? Mr Nolly saw Slade when they were at their height but his Mother would not allow him to see T Rex.

[porkybrushcut]

You are 55, do I get a prize? Mr Nolly saw Slade when they were at their height but his Mother would not allow him to see T Rex.

[jollynolly]

So do I, it would be stinky by now!

I like your weather forcast btw

[porkybrushcut]

So do I, it would be stinky by now!

I like your weather forcast btw

[eFestivals]

the weather for Sunrise is awful right now, but that's in Yeovil and Wychwood is further north in Gloucestershire.

I'm sat in the middle of the two in Bristol, and there's been no rain here all day, so I reckon there's been none (or perhaps just a little) on Wychwood, and the forecast is looking fantastic - it's sun tan time.

http://www.metcheck.com/V40/UK/FREE/event_...asp?eventID=766