Viz 'top tip' for Glastonbury

[toooldtoknowbetter]

Blocked sinuses?

Take a dump in a nearly-full longdrop on a hot afternoon.

[Filthy]

Franz Ferdinand. Avoid boring the crowd senseless and lengthy practice sessions of new songs that are barely listenable, by only playing the singles off your first album. You could even play take me out twice. It's got to be a win win!

[beergut100]

Dog owners; don't waste money on expensive dog worming tablets. Simply buy an e from a scally with half an ear instead.

[bertieb73]

I used to love Viz.....

By jogging behind the National Express coach to Glastonbury, you can save £24.50 in coach fares.

Use only economy toilet roll for the long drops instead of expensive 'luxury' tissue. You'll find that invariably your fingers go through both. But the money you save buying cheaper paper can then be spent on a bar of soap to clean them with.

Stuck for plates with your campsite BBQ? Simply remove your car wheel trims. Voila! Ideal for burgers and sausage butties.

Glasto drinkers. Popping two 'Alka Seltzer' tablets into a newly opened can of beer has exactly the same effect as a 'widget', and has the added advantage of preventing hangovers.

Music too loud at the Dance Village? Discarded cigarette butts make economical and effecient ear plugs, and also reduce the level of nicotene entering your ears as a result of passive smoking.

Keep monkeys out of your tent by hiding Bananas in the bottom of your next door neighbours sleeping bag.

[beergut100]

Stuck for plates with your campsite BBQ? Simply remove your car wheel trims. Voila! Ideal for burgers and sausage butties.

[muddyslingbax]

Avoid watching any bands live at Glastonbury by taping your mobile phone over your eyes and recording everything to watch later. You can also help out others who don't really want to watch any bands live either by waving your mobile phone about in front of their faces too.

[muddyslingbax]

I used to love Viz.....

By jogging behind the National Express coach to Glastonbury, you can save £24.50 in coach fares.

Use only economy toilet roll for the long drops instead of expensive 'luxury' tissue. You'll find that invariably your fingers go through both. But the money you save buying cheaper paper can then be spent on a bar of soap to clean them with.

Stuck for plates with your campsite BBQ? Simply remove your car wheel trims. Voila! Ideal for burgers and sausage butties.

Glasto drinkers. Popping two 'Alka Seltzer' tablets into a newly opened can of beer has exactly the same effect as a 'widget', and has the added advantage of preventing hangovers.

Music too loud at the Dance Village? Discarded cigarette butts make economical and effecient ear plugs, and also reduce the level of nicotene entering your ears as a result of passive smoking.

Keep monkeys out of your tent by hiding Bananas in the bottom of your next door neighbours sleeping bag.

[mouth]

brilliant thread

[ambientcoast]

In-crowd urinators, worried about the looks of contempt when you get your lad out and piss on the floor during a gig?

Fear not, buy a poncho, piss into an empty cup, keep your eyes on the stage and your head bobbing, casually pour piss away when done and no one is any wiser!

hurrah!

[Filthy]

Pranksters. Worried that your attempts to blow up whoopie cushions may be discovered? Then go to the stone circle at night. The sound of constant nitrous oxide balloon inflation will cover your attempts at old fashioned hilarity

[jameshunt]

...

Keep monkeys out of your tent by hiding Bananas in the bottom of your next door neighbours sleeping bag.

[JoeyT]

fallen asleep in the wrong tent? don't worry they've got over 150,000 others to pick from. no hassle needed.

[Boris]

In-crowd urinators, worried about the looks of contempt when you get your lad out and piss on the floor during a gig?

Fear not, buy a poncho, piss into an empty cup, keep your eyes on the stage and your head bobbing, casually pour piss away when done and no one is any wiser!

hurrah!

Edited April 22, 2009 by Boris

[mikeb]

One year one of our mates was really off his head, one of us got back to camp early, un pegged his bell tent, turned it 180 degrees and pegged it in again.

Edited April 22, 2009 by mikeb

[TalkShow Bob]

Recreate that Glastonbury experience in your own home by getting a pal to turn your stereo volume up and down repeatedly, trample 300 pint-sized paper cups into your lounge carpet, don't flush the loo, then at 4am go to sleep in the fridge, then three hours later go to sleep in the oven.

Edited April 22, 2009 by TalkShow Bob

[pezzypops]

allegedly

[Boris]

Bah... boring pezzypops!

[beergut100]

Don't waste money on expensive and heavy "potatoes". Simply boil up some of the free tent pegs - they're f**k all use for anything else!

[sifi]

Large groups of people. Walk together ten to fifteen abreast with your arms linked to ensure that everyone will get of you way.

And on a similar theme - By standing and nattering in the middle of the walkways, you can really annoy the hell out of people who are looking to get somewhere in a bit of a hurry.

Oh - and Heavy Metal and hard rock bands. Record a whinney indie-guitar album in order to fool the organisers into booking you. Then turn the amplifiers up to eleven.

Edited April 23, 2009 by sifimaster

[Bluearsedfly]

Impress your friends by phoning them during one of their favourite songs.

They'll be impressed by the quality of the sound but will confuse you as every time you ring them during the rest of the festival they seem to have gone out?

What are the chances of that?

[greenfairy43]

that reminds me - long storey short.

One year one of our mates was really off his head, one of us got back to camp early, un pegged his bell tent, turned it 180 degrees and pegged it in again.

No kidding, it was effing hilarious watching him on his hands and knee's 'stroking' the tent wall with the palm of his hands trying to find the door. One of those tears down the cheeks doubling up moments

[sifi]

Rufty-tufty? I've not heard that expression in years. Excellent. I'll use it in normal conversation at some point. We should reintroduce that word into common parlance.

[greenfairy43]

Rufty-tufty? I've not heard that expression in years. Excellent. I'll use it in normal conversation at some point. We should reintroduce that word into common parlance.

[Francis Biley]

Recreate that Glastonbury experience in your own home by getting a pal to turn your stereo volume up and down repeatedly, trample 300 pint-sized paper cups into your lounge carpet, don't flush the loo, then at 4am go to sleep in the fridge, then three hours later go to sleep in the oven.

[The Nal]

Recreate that Glastonbury experience in your own home by getting a pal to turn your stereo volume up and down repeatedly, trample 300 pint-sized paper cups into your lounge carpet, don't flush the loo, then at 4am go to sleep in the fridge, then three hours later go to sleep in the oven.