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Comedy tent


Guest Fizzy2734

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2 nuns at a traffic lights when a vampire jumps onto the bonnnet of the car and starts snarling.

"What should we do sister asumpta?" Asks one nun.

"just lean out and show him your cross" she replies.

Acknowledging she leans out the window "f**k off you stupid c**t and piss off home, your scratching the paintwork"

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A guy and a gal are making out in the back seat of their car...

She says "Billy, I want you to kiss me!"

So Billy kisses her.

After a while she says "Billy, I want you to kiss me somewhere wet!"

So he does.

After a while she says "Billy, I want you to kiss me somewhere wet and smelly!"

So he starts the car...

She says "What are you doing?"

And he says "I'm taking you to Elgin!"

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whats brown and sticky???

Anal

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An irish fella takes his mates back to see his new flat and after a few more beers asks him, whats the big brass gong hanging on the wall?

Paddy says its my speaking clock, how does it work?, i'll show you.

He hits it full pelt with a claw hammer and a voice from next door yells..............

"For f**ks sake you c**t, its twenty to three in the morning!!!!"

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im surprised there hasn't been a jew joke yet. around here all people seem to tell is jew jokes.

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A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

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