Dads... It seems unfair...

[oafc0000]

think he's meaning that you could possibly start work at say 10am so you could see more of her in the morning? but then that means that by the time she gets home she's in her bed. so it would work out the same really.

[sifi]

It's more gender reality than stereotypers considering I don't get SMP / MP and I don't have breasts to feed the child....

[bunique]

Also, at least your missus is spending time with your daughter, and it's not some stranger in a nursery or wherever.

[rachbon]

i understand what you're saying, but on a positive note, at least you have a job and can provide things for your child. some people don't have that.. and although you would obviously rather be with your child than at work, the work pays off cause your daughter has a home and everything she needs.

While it's little time you spend with her, that time pays off handsomely.

I was involved with my kid on a similar basis for the first 5 years of his life. Then not long after his mother and me split up, she had one of those 'moments' (:angry:) where she thought he was her possession, and I barely saw him for the next 6 years, perhaps spending just 4 hours with him in some of those years. It broke my heart.

Things are a little better now with seeing him (tho still a very long way from what anyone with a brain considers reasonable), but our relationship remains brilliant, with those early years having bound us forever.

Today I'm getting to take him to a festival for the very first time, and I haven't felt so excited in years. I just know we're going to have the most fantastic time.

The time you get to spend with her might be short, but it's priceless. Enjoy.

Edited July 22, 2010 by _rachelbon

[gratedenini]

(as per usual) ---a different view. From experience.

I have been able to spend as much time as I possibly want with my youngest kids I have now. I am utterly convinced that becuase of this-- I have a bond which is somehow stronger than can be had by a lot of fathers who usually through necessity have to go out most of the day to provide the required amount of money todays society "needs".

However--- (and no offence Mr Oaf)... do you think you could handle it? Even if you could afford it? I might be way off mark--but i somehow get the feeling you enjoy your job--and would miss it.

Could you be a house husband for instance? (dont yer just hate that phrase!!).

I`ll readily admit--- I aint a baby person and in fact Hendrix at just under 2 has just now become what I really like--- bits of character and cheek y`know. And King Larmer at 4yrs...is for me, the epitomy of a child... eg.... hols booked and he is buzzin his tits off for the bucket and spade etc...

"Dad, will you help me make scement on holiday?"

"Scement? Whats scement Larmer?

"Dad!!!! so we can make castles on the beach!"

CEMENT. A classic.

I`ll tell yer.... I have nothing but praise for MOTHERS. They stop at home, pretty stuck with x amount of kids and all the mundane shite that goes with it... while the DADS go to earn the brass and come home, tired and maybe a bit crabby...spend a notion of time with the bairns before they go to sleep etc etc. Its tough...on all. But that the way life is.

(and i dont mean the above in a full stop--thats how it is--full stop way)--- but it is the way of life for thousands of folk.

My Mam (old school) never worked...not many did in those days---and so I always felt I had a balanced upbringing...Mam always put food on the table and was there for me when I had toothache or the shits etc etc... unfortunately in todays world--outside childcare is more the necessity than the norm. Its awful for society imo---but unless you are of the very strongest will and morals... this is the way it is.

Only advice I would pass on to you Mr Oaf would be go for quality time AND get to festivals with the bairn

den

[Kowalski]

.

Edited July 22, 2010 by Kowalski

[sifi]

Oaf, in the last month or so you've spent a week or so away in RSA, and then three at the F1 GP. Seems odd for you to be moaning that you don't see your kid enough ...

[RABun]

My dad was out of the house really early, and then got home just as i went to bed, so he got to read me a story or sing to me or play cards. so i saw him for about 10 mins a day. But i still loved him and have the best relationship with him. Your kids will love their daddy and its all about quality not quantity. Also the best times i remember with my dad are eating peanut buttter on toast and watching dogtanian. So its the simple things that really matter.

That goes for both parents, nursery is good for children especially nowadays where we don't have the same kind of extended family/neighbours etc getting together with all the kids on a daily basis, that we had in my day (god i feel old). Kids are less cosseted and develop socially which is really very important.

I stayed at home with master bun for the first 5 years until he went to school and a lot of the time it was just me and him at home. Although we did playgroup rtwice a week, he didnt really feel comfortable with large groups of children when he first went to school and i wish i had been able to afford to work and pay for him to go to nursery, he may have made friends a bit easier.

[oafc0000]

Oaf, in the last month or so you've spent a week or so away in RSA, and then three at the F1 GP. Seems odd for you to be moaning that you don't see your kid enough ...

[sifi]

Both booked before the baby changed my world... One was a present and the other was a mistake in hindsight...

[oafc0000]

Well I think there is some legislation proposed to allow SMP to be transferred between partners. The other issue you mention, you should take up with your chosen God, frankly.

[oafc0000]

The absence is probably accentuating things for you at the moment.

[sifi]

1, That legislation isn't in place yet

2, What a shitty come back...

Edited July 23, 2010 by sifimaster

[oafc0000]

1 - I am aware of that. Hence the use of the word "proposed".

2 - He's your God, complain to him. Mankind of course invented the fridge. Is it not possible for your wife to make some extra and store it in there?

Edited July 23, 2010 by oafc0000

[Katster]

Our child will be spending their time with a "stranger in a nursery" because the alternative is we live on the street. My parents are 200 miles away and work full time, OH's parents work full time and are not in a position to look after them. I have no choice but to go back to work before a year is out - the 8 or so months I will be having are due to scrimping and saving every penny from the moment we found out we were having a baby. Blame the hormones, but I found that comment really quite unpleasant!

[Langdale Wolf]

My wife works on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, the latter two days of which the lad goes to a nursery in town. It's absolutely ace, and I want to go there rather than work.

They've got chickens in the garden, get freshly prepared meals (and even get taken to the Farmers Market in town to help fetch the ingredients). There's a ball pool, a sandpit, tons and tons of toys, a room perfectly suited to pre-school and some of the girls who work there are fit.

Awesome place. And - most importantly - he absolutely LOVES it there.

[oafc0000]

My wife works on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, the latter two days of which the lad goes to a nursery in town. It's absolutely ace, and I want to go there rather than work.

They've got chickens in the garden, get freshly prepared meals (and even get taken to the Farmers Market in town to help fetch the ingredients). There's a ball pool, a sandpit, tons and tons of toys, a room perfectly suited to pre-school and some of the girls who work there are fit.

Awesome place. And - most importantly - he absolutely LOVES it there.

Edited July 23, 2010 by oafc0000

[Steve P]

I really wish that either me or the better half could stay at home to look after Beth until she goes to school but finances won't allow it. When me and my sis were little my Dad stayed at home to look after us, and he was brilliant. He did it at a time when (76 onwards) it was very uncommon for a Dad to do it, in fact there was an article on him in the local paper in Ipswich at one point. My Dad is my best friend in the world and i'm sure a lot of that is to do with the time I sent with him as a kid. It means that I try to put everything I can into the time I get with Beth and hope I can get the same sort of bond with her that I have with my Dad.

Regarding the nursery discussions, nursery can be great for kids. We're quite lucky that having lived where we are for a long time now we've got a big group of close friends that we see a lot. It means Beth is used to big groups and doesn't get nervous around other people. A lot of the other babies we know though are from families that have recently moved to the area, and so they didn't see that many other poeple. The difference between them and Beth in large groups of people is amazing. One of those babies has been going to nursery for a month now though and the difference in her is already incredible. She's much more confident and social now.

[Langdale Wolf]

Cool

We are going to see how grandma copes but we have a few options she struggles. A good friend is registered child minder (and she is really good, always going places like the zoo and such like with the kids she looks after and does basic learning by play stuff etc) and there is also a good nursery close by.

What age did he start going to the nursery ?

[Gre]

I don't plan on becoming a parent any time soon, but I just wanted to say this thread - particularly Neil's post - is the most heartwarming thing I've read in a while

[bunique]

Katster - can I use the rabid pregnant lady excuse in my defence?

Re: oaf's missus leaving milk in the fridge - breast milk works on a supply and demand system

so I think (but don't know for definite) that mechanical expressing doesn't encourage milk production as well as actual feeding, so while it might work for a while, eventually it would lead to diminished supply - not to mention it's a right bugger, apparently. I know you weren't being entirely serious but thought i'd mention it!

[sifi]

I know you weren't being entirely serious but thought i'd mention it!

[oafc0000]

Katster - can I use the rabid pregnant lady excuse in my defence?

Re: oaf's missus leaving milk in the fridge - breast milk works on a supply and demand system

so I think (but don't know for definite) that mechanical expressing doesn't encourage milk production as well as actual feeding, so while it might work for a while, eventually it would lead to diminished supply - not to mention it's a right bugger, apparently. I know you weren't being entirely serious but thought i'd mention it!

[bunique]

Not entirely serious, no, but thanks for the information. One can't have too much information on the workings of breasts, as far as I'm concerned.

[Katster]

Katster - can I use the rabid pregnant lady excuse in my defence?