Young,Dumb and Living off Mum BBC3

[oafc0000]

because you think I would..?

Edited August 25, 2010 by oafc0000

[Pogues Mcgogues]

or having a relationship with someone who might want kids..??

how odd

[oafc0000]

I said I started with no rules, and then worked out which ones worked (like consistency). They weren't rules that only apply to bringing up kids though, simple, general rules that apply to life in general usually.

where have I said or indicated I control them? (he asks, knowing it will probably be ignored)

it's not an accident, it's behaviour where they haven't experienced the consequences. You can suggest to your kid a million times that touching something like a hot iron will be a painful experience. It's almost an inevitabiltiy that they won't realise it until they've done it. Obviously something more important like running out into the road needs to be understood before they've experienced the consequences by being hit by a car.

you see how different situations need different responses?

this is why I generally steer clear of 'rules'

[feral chile]

So no rules was bullshit spin....

So lets talk about control.... Which of course you don't do...

If you saw your kid about to run into the road would you stop them ?

If your kid didn't want to do there home work would that be ok ?

Depends on the severity of the crime and age of the child...

Removal of pocket money, restriction of freedom, restriction of toys, time on the naughty step... All that sort of stuff... No doubt you think its barbaric

[llcoolphil]

Does it wind anyone else up that Oaf thinks he has all the answers? If only life was as easy as he thinks its going to be.

[oafc0000]

When your kids are all grown up they can all work for my kid

Anyway, this has gone on far to long and has got very boring

[feral chile]

Well what I have found out is you do have rules... and you do control them... and basically you like to spin and call a rule and control something else

Would I punish my kid for running in the road... No... Would I punish my kid for playing chicken in the road... If I was made aware of it yes...

On is clearly an accident and the other a silly naughty child...

[ampersand]

When your kids are all grown up they can all work for my kid

Anyway, this has gone on far to long and has got very boring

[oafc0000]

yeah that's what I was getting at earlier. What you call control I'd call support and guidance. Of course nobody is advocating allowing their kids out terrorising the neighbourhood. Of course there are boundaries. But I'd say I promoted caring values rather than making hard and fast rules.

It depends whether you call instilling social values and teaching personal safety is control I suppose.

Edited August 25, 2010 by oafc0000

[oafc0000]

so you are deciding on your kids occupation?

what if she wants to be a police officer? or an air hostess?

this pick on oaf thing is fun

[RABun]

I don't think I would (althogh never say never and all that) but right now I'd probably try my best to stay away from that. I don't mean to sound like a prick or that, but I personally wouldn't be able to handle that.

[llcoolphil]

I'll always remember walking out of the hospital for the first time with our first baby thinking "ok, it's real now, what the f**k do we do?"...

The thing I also remember was how I wanted, desperately wanted her to be brought up as freely as possible, with the main rule being 'no rules!'

I still look at my kids and think that I'm still partly wondering what it means to be a dad

honesty, communication, consistency, open up their minds as much as possible, don't say they can't do something unless you have a good reason, be there for them...

above all, LOVE THEM

similar to how I feel for anyone I care about really... these are my main 'foundations'

[RABun]

When your kids are all grown up they can all work for my kid

Anyway, this has gone on far to long and has got very boring

[llcoolphil]

When your kids are all grown up they can all work for my kid

[oafc0000]

Unless your kid is going to be a supervisor at McDonalds, my kid won't be working for her.

[oafc0000]

Will they be making up an imaginary business with imaginary employees and an imaginary turnover and an imaginary salary too?

[oafc0000]

the idea that parents are not supposed to be friends with their kids, which is unnervingly common, just baffles me

[oafc0000]

I'd suggest that someone who uses the word 'control' as opposed to 'support and guidance' is after something slightly different. Many many parents DO think it's their role to control their kids, which is quite often the precise reason their kids get out of control. One of my best friends brought up his kids with precisely this kind of thinking. One of his sons is now out of control. He comes home on Friday night, usually with blood on him from some stupid fight he's started, and has very little to look forward to, he's almost a lost cause... it's very sad. He loved his boys, but he didn't really show it...

and we all have different ideas of what social values are

Edited August 25, 2010 by oafc0000

[llcoolphil]

I'd suggest that someone who uses the word 'control' as opposed to 'support and guidance' is after something slightly different. Many many parents DO think it's their role to control their kids, which is quite often the precise reason their kids get out of control. One of my best friends brought up his kids with precisely this kind of thinking. One of his sons is now out of control. He comes home on Friday night, usually with blood on him from some stupid fight he's started, and has very little to look forward to, he's almost a lost cause... it's very sad. He loved his boys, but he didn't really show it...

and we all have different ideas of what social values are

[ampersand]

the idea that parents are not supposed to be friends with their kids, which is unnervingly common, just baffles me

[llcoolphil]

No probably driving a white van while claiming to be a manager

[oafc0000]

i know. if i was to ever have kids, i'd be a bit disappointed if we couldn't go out and do social things in later life.

[oafc0000]

you're certainly inconsistent

and still not answering my earlier question...

but my 'rule' with you is, if after 2 or 3 reminders you're still ignoring it, it's obviously not going to get a response

[RABun]

the idea that parents are not supposed to be friends with their kids, which is unnervingly common, just baffles me

[oafc0000]

give me one question I haven't answered