How do you deal with being in a new relationship

[Greeny_Musicchild]

why not if he likes her? long distance is the only thing i've known, and i'm glad that i did it.

[ampersand]

Long distance requires trust. In my experience if you don't trust each other or know each other that well it just doesn't work out in the long term. Too much jealousy and paranoia.

[jump]

why not if he likes her? long distance is the only thing i've known, and i'm glad that i did it.

[jump]

but trust is something that id developed, not a given.

and mine didn't end with jealousy or paranoia.

[ampersand]

That's the problem, you need to develope the trust but you can't if you just met the girl.

[Pogues Mcgogues]

Especially now-a-days that travelling abouts easy and there's various ways to keep in touch.

[ampersand]

Well, it's a bit hard to be seeing someone if you can't see them. I think Markee met her twice (?) before and in the early days should getting to know each, and not straight into "ok we are a couple now" who don't see each other nor know each other fairly well. It's a different thing if you known her for a while then goes long distance.

How well did you actually know the girl/Pogo before it was long distance?

[jump]

mine was the exact same though. met at a fest, and then saw each other pretty much every weekend after that. and a few weekdays as well cos i was unemployed at the start.

of course you can't fully trust them in the first week or two, but as you get to know them, and develop feelings, that trust comes if they're right for you. and if it doesn't, then i would throw in the towel.

no harm in trying though if it's what they want.

Edited September 16, 2010 by jump

[Greeny_Musicchild]

but trust is something that id developed, not a given.

and mine didn't end with jealousy or paranoia.

[ampersand]

Mine didn't end with it, it continued with it, that's what made it end.

I always used to badmouth long distance relationships, then the girl i loved moved away and i became part of one. It didn't work and now i will resume badmouthing long distance relationships.

How people keep them going i do not know, but maybe that says more about me than the general idea of it.

[Greeny_Musicchild]

they are workable and many last and go on to become no distance at all.

any that fail, i'd suggest that 99% of them are because you don't get on with the girl or drift apart or whatever, nothing to do with the distance.

Edited September 16, 2010 by Greeny_Musicchild

[Guest musiclove123]

I don't see how that is normal.Are you a convicted sex pest or been treated for sex addiction in the past?Are you unable to speak to a woman without trying to have sex with her?Are you not permitted to have a conversation or friendship with the opposite sex?

I cannot stand jealously in any shape or form and will not be in a relationship with someone who shows it due to their underlying self esteem issues and irrational thought process.

[metallimuse]

I agree that a lot of jealousy stems from feelings of low self esteem and rthe solution has to come from within, but surely its a nice idea to try and help someone build their self esteem rather than to just give up on them therefore reinforcing the negative self image. A relationship entirely without any jealousy at all is not always a good reltionship, as sometimes it makes one or both partners feel like they are not loved enough. A little bit of jealousy is healthy IMO.

[metallimuse]

Yeah-it's a case of sort your issues out or to move on

[ampersand]

We have trust issues. Trust issues created by distance. I am madly in love with this girl and i know she feels the same way but distance makes our paranoia/trust issues worse. I would agree it's not all about distance but it is a bit about distance, if we lived in the same place there would be no problem (or fewer problems)

[Pogues Mcgogues]

In all honesty tho, surely long distance doesn't realy exist in our modern world if we're talking UK wide here?

A lot of people I know only see their gf's or bf's at the weekend type thing when they first start going out, and phone during the week. Since it only take 4 hours for a train to get from Glasgow to London, then I wouldn't see how this would be much different?

And obviously further down the line you will eventually move closer to one another anyway? I can't realy see how in today's world with all the different ways of staying in touch and ease of travel how long distance couldn't realy work?

[jump]

In all honesty tho, surely long distance doesn't realy exist in our modern world if we're talking UK wide here?

A lot of people I know only see their gf's or bf's at the weekend type thing when they first start going out, and phone during the week. Since it only take 4 hours for a train to get from Glasgow to London, then I wouldn't see how this would be much different?

And obviously further down the line you will eventually move closer to one another anyway? I can't realy see how in today's world with all the different ways of staying in touch and ease of travel how long distance couldn't realy work?

Edited September 16, 2010 by jump

[ampersand]

In all honesty tho, surely long distance doesn't realy exist in our modern world if we're talking UK wide here?

A lot of people I know only see their gf's or bf's at the weekend type thing when they first start going out, and phone during the week. Since it only take 4 hours for a train to get from Glasgow to London, then I wouldn't see how this would be much different?

And obviously further down the line you will eventually move closer to one another anyway? I can't realy see how in today's world with all the different ways of staying in touch and ease of travel how long distance couldn't realy work?

[ampersand]

Dating and relationships are 2 different things ie like and love. Who many people can actually afford to be constantly travelling every weekend and how is texting someone the same as kissing someone?

[Pogues Mcgogues]

Dating amd relationship are 2 different things ie like and love. Who many people can actually afford to be constantly travelling every weekend and how is texting someone the same as kissing someone?

[jump]

easy. my travel to inverness cost me roughly 12 quid a weekend. and there'll be people who go out every weekend and blow 50 quid on booze, clubs etc.

Edited September 16, 2010 by jump

[ampersand]

Sounds healthy to me, you (not you specificly) need to be going and not compeletly invested so if you're staying in every night to save money as you're on a budget and then your spare time is travelling to see your girl and being with her than you'll be creating a distance between you and your friends, you need your own life which she's a part of not her being the centre of it.

[jump]

i lost touch with most of my mates anyway, so that wasn't a problem. and i wasn't staying in to save money. what's 12, well 17 for my bus to edinburgh, for a 5 hour journey on a friday night? when now adays i'll just get a few beers in and watch shit on the telly on a friday night. spending about a fiver and seeing no-one at the end of it.

though at the time when we split up, i felt i had lost everything though, which is the problem with her being the centre of your life.

Edited September 16, 2010 by jump

[saratink]

I don't live in a big town or a city, so for me to do practically ANYTHING i've got to travel , whether its to asda (5 miles) , to college (about 9-10 miles), train station (8 miles) etc.

The same goes for people. You don't meet everyone you want to know in the same little town, so i've now got a few friends around the place and if i met someone who i did really like, i would be prepared to travel for them.

I know someone who met his girlfriend online and hes from the same town as me, and shes from somewhere in america!

Its not ideal, but they work at it. He goes over there for a while, and she comes over here. They still trust eachother even though they're in different countries. They've been together well over a year, may even be two years soon..

So long distance shouldn't be an issue if you work at it.

[jump]

I don't live in a big town or a city, so for me to do practically ANYTHING i've got to travel , whether its to asda (5 miles) , to college (about 9-10 miles), train station (8 miles) etc.

The same goes for people. You don't meet everyone you want to know in the same little town, so i've now got a few friends around the place and if i met someone who i did really like, i would be prepared to travel for them.

I know someone who met his girlfriend online and hes from the same town as me, and shes from somewhere in america!

Its not ideal, but they work at it. He goes over there for a while, and she comes over here. They still trust eachother even though they're in different countries. They've been together well over a year, may even be two years soon..

So long distance shouldn't be an issue if you work at it.