singles thread

[feral chile]

That's the thing with libido. I used to have a libido that had a mind all of it's very own. I'm ashamed to say I let it have it's way despite being in relationships. Oddly enough I then 'grew up' and not long after lost my libido. Now I'm finally a decent person to hook up with if you're the opposite sex, but could hardly do the business if that's what they were interested in. Well, I could at a push but it no longer seems important to me. I'm not sure if this has come about because (A) It was always going to be the way, ( I've done so many class A's that I've neutered myself © I'm on heavy duty doses of heavy duty prescription drugs that neutralise desire.

very likely to be © loads of them affect the libido.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Could well be ©. I'm in the catch 22 situation in that if I come off the medication I go mad. Well, madder is probably more apt.

[feral chile]

Could well be ©. I'm in the catch 22 situation in that if I come off the medication I go mad. Well, madder is probably more apt.

yeah it's a bit of a bugger. Your GP might be able to find you an alternative if you tell them.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I've actually told him a number of times. I've tried to explain that I don't have an identity as a male and that this affects me negatively. He doesn't really seem to want to know. He did budge a little the last time I saw him and repeated my mantra. He gave me a prescription for something similar to viagra but it wasn't on the NHS so I had to pay about £30 for 3 or 4 tablets. They didn't work either. Most of the time it's not an issue but then I think do I really want to be on my own for the rest of my years ie unless I find a woman who isn't into sex then I'm up the creek without a paddle. Still, there's people who have to deal with far more sh*t than the paltry amount on my plate.

[feral chile]

I've actually told him a number of times. I've tried to explain that I don't have an identity as a male and that this affects me negatively. He doesn't really seem to want to know. He did budge a little the last time I saw him and repeated my mantra. He gave me a prescription for something similar to viagra but it wasn't on the NHS so I had to pay about £30 for 3 or 4 tablets. They didn't work either. Most of the time it's not an issue but then I think do I really want to be on my own for the rest of my years ie unless I find a woman who isn't into sex then I'm up the creek without a paddle. Still, there's people who have to deal with far more sh*t than the paltry amount on my plate.

Have you tried researching the side effects of the medication you're on, and the alternatives, and going to see him armed with this? If he sees you're bothered enough to be looking into alternatives he might start taking you more seriously. He should at least be giving you an explanation as to why he feels unable to offer you an alternative.

Is there another GP in the practice who you could see instead? I've had completely opposing opinions from GPs in my surgery, so I just make sure I go to the one who agrees with me the most.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

'I've had completely opposing opinions from GPs in my surgery, so I just make sure I go to the one who agrees with me the most'

I've done that in the past too. lol Maybe your right though with this subject. Next time it gets to me I should by pass my own doctor and see what one of the others says. Leave it with me. Thanks.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

'I've had completely opposing opinions from GPs in my surgery, so I just make sure I go to the one who agrees with me the most'

I've done that in the past too. lol Maybe your right though with this subject. Next time it gets to me I should by pass my own doctor and see what one of the others says. Leave it with me. Thanks.

You may have to be persistant with your GP. Many wont deal with a sexual issue unless you are in a relationship. If you not getting any joy from your GP and instead of shelling out for private prescriptions, it may be worth getting in touch with Relate who could put you on to a sex therapist. One worth their salt would look at physical issues first.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Thanks for the advice Rufus. It never even occurred to me that I could possibly go to Relate. I'll keep that as back up. Regards.

[Lithium05]

Right, I've been sort of seeing this girl I met off POF, I say sort of because... Well let me start at the beginning. Turned out we were planning on going to the same rock night at a local club and decided to meet there, then it turned out she couldn't make it because the taxi home would be too expensive. Being the chivalrous and sober chap I am I offered her and her friends a lift home. That was the first night in a nutshell, it ended with her insisting I come to the rock night at her local, which I did last week, took a friend with me as it seemed as it could have been a more casual invite, and I knew she would have friends there too, what I didnt account for was her knowing every single person there (barely an exaggeration) which ultimately prevented me from making any sort of move. Though according to my mate, and from my own experiences that evening, she certainly does seem to be into me.

So after a bit of texting this week I'm going to her local again tomorrow night, most likely by myself this time, and I fear if I haven't already slipped into the friendzone, I'm about to if I don't make a move... Which I suck at, basically I've spent the last 5 years weighing roughly 6 stone more than I do now, and I'm still not used to being in this position after so long getting zero attention, any advice would be welcome, because my concern at this juncture is being surrounded by her mates when i do make said move!

[joe1990]

Right, I've been sort of seeing this girl I met off POF, I say sort of because... Well let me start at the beginning. Turned out we were planning on going to the same rock night at a local club and decided to meet there, then it turned out she couldn't make it because the taxi home would be too expensive. Being the chivalrous and sober chap I am I offered her and her friends a lift home. That was the first night in a nutshell, it ended with her insisting I come to the rock night at her local, which I did last week, took a friend with me as it seemed as it could have been a more casual invite, and I knew she would have friends there too, what I didnt account for was her knowing every single person there (barely an exaggeration) which ultimately prevented me from making any sort of move. Though according to my mate, and from my own experiences that evening, she certainly does seem to be into me.

So after a bit of texting this week I'm going to her local again tomorrow night, most likely by myself this time, and I fear if I haven't already slipped into the friendzone, I'm about to if I don't make a move... Which I suck at, basically I've spent the last 5 years weighing roughly 6 stone more than I do now, and I'm still not used to being in this position after so long getting zero attention, any advice would be welcome, because my concern at this juncture is being surrounded by her mates when i do make said move!

listen pal, just go there with an open mind set, what ever happens happens. If she does like you, theses nothing to worry about because women always get there own way in the end.

have a few drinks and a few laughs and if you think the feeling is right to make a move go for it

better to no than to die wondering what could of been.

keep it cool. .

[feral chile]

Right, I've been sort of seeing this girl I met off POF, I say sort of because... Well let me start at the beginning. Turned out we were planning on going to the same rock night at a local club and decided to meet there, then it turned out she couldn't make it because the taxi home would be too expensive. Being the chivalrous and sober chap I am I offered her and her friends a lift home. That was the first night in a nutshell, it ended with her insisting I come to the rock night at her local, which I did last week, took a friend with me as it seemed as it could have been a more casual invite, and I knew she would have friends there too, what I didnt account for was her knowing every single person there (barely an exaggeration) which ultimately prevented me from making any sort of move. Though according to my mate, and from my own experiences that evening, she certainly does seem to be into me.

So after a bit of texting this week I'm going to her local again tomorrow night, most likely by myself this time, and I fear if I haven't already slipped into the friendzone, I'm about to if I don't make a move... Which I suck at, basically I've spent the last 5 years weighing roughly 6 stone more than I do now, and I'm still not used to being in this position after so long getting zero attention, any advice would be welcome, because my concern at this juncture is being surrounded by her mates when i do make said move!

Do women have a friendzone?

I know I don't, my husband's a friend too. I can't imagine having a relationship with someone who wasn't also a friend. Though not every friend is a potential sexual partner.

Just chat with her, tell her you think she's pretty and see how she reacts. It's a non-threatening way to show you might be interested.

Edited February 18, 2012 by feral chile

[jump]

Do women have a friendzone?

I know I don't, my husband's a friend too. I can't imagine having a relationship with someone who wasn't also a friend. Though not every friend is a potential sexual partner.

Just chat with her, tell her you think she's pretty and see how she reacts. It's a non-threatening way to show you might be interested.

I agree with this bit, by the sound of it she makes friendly easily with people so you may end up as a friends anyway but you should try dipping you toes in the water and get slightly flirty when texting/seeing her and if she respond postively crank it up and take it from there.

Personally I hate getting into this postion and generally if I meet a girl I like/clicked with I asked them out straight away to avoid this mess.

Edited February 18, 2012 by jump

[Gre]

Do women have a friendzone?

<snip>

Though not every friend is a potential sexual partner.

You answered your own question!

[feral chile]

You answered your own question!

Not really. It's not friend versus hottie, it's friend versus hot friend.

[Purple Monkey]

uhhh, i beg to differ

snip

Every one of us deserves to be happy

Cool post man.

After years of uncertainty and doubt and constant never-ending knocks to my pride I've found my soul mate. Half a year ago my future looked cloudy and dark - now after meeting my current girlfriend it's all so crystal clear.

I don't believe in God, but we've both said it feels like some sort of force helped us out, Karma, fate, whatever, but as you say "something smiled". We both started to believe that there was no-one out there for either of us. At the time it felt like I was dealing with one pile of bullshit after another. I was made redundant and I had just called it quits on a relationship where the spark had been gone for months, possibly years. I hated single life to be honest, every miserable second of it. Having close friends didn't do anything for the crippling loneliness. I couldn't find the joy in anything and I was pretty depressed, which combined with the stress of a new job where I had to be all fake smiles and false optimism to make a good impression. Going to parties and getting drunk only made it worse. Then I met her, and the clouds lifted and in hindsight all of that shit was worth it.. It's been the same for her too. We're soul mates. We never argue, and I think that comes from our experiences - we know when to recognise success and happiness and know when to hold onto it and never let it go. I will never put anything else ahead of her, not my career or money or myself, because she is the only thing that brings me any real joy. I'm all in.

Edited February 21, 2012 by Purple Monkey

[jump]

^Never argueing sounds weird to me.

[jump]

Bit of advice welcomed please!

I know a girl who's just turned 21 and she a virgin, she has started to get really depressed about not having sex before and the last couple of times she has gone out with my group she has started throwing her self at any guy, including last night some 40 year old ugly arsehole which me and her best friend had to get involved as she didn't want to have sex in alley way and he did but even after we sorted it 20mins later she was doing the same thing and trying it on with another guy. I know it's her mistake to make but should me and her friends just let her have a one night stand with some complete waster or try something else?

[feral chile]

Bit of advice welcomed please!

I know a girl who's just turned 21 and she a virgin, she has started to get really depressed about not having sex before and the last couple of times she has gone out with my group she has started throwing her self at any guy, including last night some 40 year old ugly arsehole which me and her best friend had to get involved as she didn't want to have sex in alley way and he did but even after we sorted it 20mins later she was doing the same thing and trying it on with another guy. I know it's her mistake to make but should me and her friends just let her have a one night stand with some complete waster or try something else?

I think there's something else going on here.

But at face value, try telling her that her first time is something she'll remember forever, and she needs to think whether she wants to remember it with affection or regret.

[rexclark]

Bit of advice welcomed please!

I know a girl who's just turned 21 and she a virgin, she has started to get really depressed about not having sex before and the last couple of times she has gone out with my group she has started throwing her self at any guy, including last night some 40 year old ugly arsehole which me and her best friend had to get involved as she didn't want to have sex in alley way and he did but even after we sorted it 20mins later she was doing the same thing and trying it on with another guy. I know it's her mistake to make but should me and her friends just let her have a one night stand with some complete waster or try something else?

Shag her.

[feral chile]

Shag her.

I tried to keep away from there.

But seriously, if it were me, I'd prefer to do it with someone who cared about me and I trusted, even if I didn't want them as a boyfriend.

But I think there's something else plaguing her, if she's suddenly changed her pattern of behaviour to this one of extreme risk taking, reckless behaviour. It shows a worrying lack of concern for her own safety.

I'd maybe get someone close to her to see if they can suss out if there's something deeper underlying this.

[jump]

Shag her.

I was willing to take one for the team and sleep with her but my girlfriend told me no, selfish bitch!

I tried to keep away from there.

But seriously, if it were me, I'd prefer to do it with someone who cared about me and I trusted, even if I didn't want them as a boyfriend.

But I think there's something else plaguing her, if she's suddenly changed her pattern of behaviour to this one of extreme risk taking, reckless behaviour. It shows a worrying lack of concern for her own safety.

I'd maybe get someone close to her to see if they can suss out if there's something deeper underlying this.

My guess would be she just hit 21 and her life isn't going as good as she tought it would like she sleeps on her sisters's sofa, crap job, no boyfriend etc so she needs to turn it around and the easiest aspect of her life to fix is not being a virgin.

Whilst her life in general is a concern I'm more worried about her throwing herself at guys at the mo as it's very easy for a girl to pull yet she still hasn't done it but if she does take a guy into an alley and don't go through with it and her friends aren't around to help her out again something serious may happen to her.

[Paul ™]

I was willing to take one for the team and sleep with her but my girlfriend told me no, selfish bitch!

Ask her to join you.

[feral chile]

I was willing to take one for the team and sleep with her but my girlfriend told me no, selfish bitch!

My guess would be she just hit 21 and her life isn't going as good as she tought it would like she sleeps on her sisters's sofa, crap job, no boyfriend etc so she needs to turn it around and the easiest aspect of her life to fix is not being a virgin.

Whilst her life in general is a concern I'm more worried about her throwing herself at guys at the mo as it's very easy for a girl to pull yet she still hasn't done it but if she does take a guy into an alley and don't go through with it and her friends aren't around to help her out again something serious may happen to her.

Exactly. it's the reckless aspect I'm concerned about. This seems to be what's driving her more than actually sleeping with someone.

Though maybe she's wanting her friends to step in, tell her she can do better etc.

She's likely to place less value on herself if she sleeps with someone who shows her no respect.

[feral chile]

I was willing to take one for the team and sleep with her but my girlfriend told me no, selfish bitch!

My guess would be she just hit 21 and her life isn't going as good as she tought it would like she sleeps on her sisters's sofa, crap job, no boyfriend etc so she needs to turn it around and the easiest aspect of her life to fix is not being a virgin.

Whilst her life in general is a concern I'm more worried about her throwing herself at guys at the mo as it's very easy for a girl to pull yet she still hasn't done it but if she does take a guy into an alley and don't go through with it and her friends aren't around to help her out again something serious may happen to her.

And this bit. If she wanted to have sex, surely she's got the opportunity to sleep with someone she likes? Her first experience should be as special as possible, it could affect her attitude to sex in the future.

It's almost as if she's devaluing the experience/herself by presenting herself as available to just about anyone. But the reality seems to be different, as she doesn't follow through, which is a good sign. Maybe she's feeling worthless at the moment, and feeling sexually attractive is a sort of validation.

I think she wants someone to like her. But she thinks/is afraid that she's not likable. So she can offer sex, and get attention that way.

It's not the answer.

[jump]

And this bit. If she wanted to have sex, surely she's got the opportunity to sleep with someone she likes? Her first experience should be as special as possible, it could affect her attitude to sex in the future.

It's almost as if she's devaluing the experience/herself by presenting herself as available to just about anyone. But the reality seems to be different, as she doesn't follow through, which is a good sign. Maybe she's feeling worthless at the moment, and feeling sexually attractive is a sort of validation.

I think she wants someone to like her. But she thinks/is afraid that she's not likable. So she can offer sex, and get attention that way.

It's not the answer.

The bit you highlighted is about me thinking she is in two minds about it as for a girl in general to get laid is very easy, the girl herself is cute & sweet (& far too naive) so it's even easier but if she was that set on it she could do it no problem but yet still hasn't.

There was a boy she liked a while back (2ish months) she would serve at work and she met him a few time out of works, the 1st was by chance and she kept complaining she wasn't dressed to impress and the other time they went to club with a couple of her mates. One of her friends kept telling me when they were talking all that was going through the friend's mind was that he was gay and the last I heard about it was he never made a move or shown an intrest in and I met one guy who fancied her and he seemed fine enough but she "didn't want to ruin their friendship" but that was a year ago. To be honest she doesn't really go into details about boys she likes with me as she knows I'm not really intrested and if I was it would only be to wind her up.

I have been telling her friends that it's best just to play match maker and find a boy for her but they don't want to go there as it leads to trouble and the last couple of my friends she met was just far too different.

I got a text the other day saying thanks for stepping in and talking to her (bit just avoiding saying if she was really ok in general or not) on that night.

Edited March 6, 2012 by jump