singles thread

[feral chile]

Well, she sensed that I changed my behaviour around him. He is exceptionally self-confident and she did always go on about the alpha male thing with moi. And he's bigger than me. She does seem to be into muscles now. But he's over-weight. His cheeks have dropped. He's not exactly attractive. He's funny, but not really the animated type. He's going very bald and has a full side of grey hair. He's doing lots of stuff for her. That ties into the whole resource thing. But it could just be an ego-boost. Getting treated well by a much older bachelor whose had his day and wants nothing in return. And he is into cool stuff like me.

Not exactly distancing though, is it?

Well maybe she's looking for something in him that she couldn't get from you. In which case, she'll end up dissatisfied, Because if she wanted whatever it was from you, the fact that she's found someone else to provide it isn't the same thing as getting you to provide it.

The fact that she's chosen your cousin suggests she's either trying to rub your nose in it, or subconsciously reminded of you. Either way, she's subconsciously keeping you in the loop.

[Katster]

Well maybe she's looking for something in him that she couldn't get from you. In which case, she'll end up dissatisfied, Because if she wante

d whatever it was from you, the fact that she's found someone else to provide it isn't the same thing as getting you to provide it.

The fact that she's chosen your cousin suggests she's either trying to rub your nose in it, or subconsciously reminded of you. Either way, she's subconsciously keeping you in the loop.

or consciously.

[eFestivals]

Or maybe men have a biological need to be perceived as strong.

- I like that one. It's an angle that hadn't occurred to me previously.

or maybe it's to do with breeding stock - the strongest likely to be healthiest and more likely to produce strong, healthy offspring.

That's sort-of where I'm coming from.

But with a version that's adapted for a modern environment, where "strong and healthy" doesn't need to mean the same thing as it once did.

[feral chile]

or consciously.

Quite.

[eFestivals]

That's why we can pick up on what's not being said.

Or alternatively, make up what's not being said.

[worm]

Well maybe she's looking for something in him that she couldn't get from you. In which case, she'll end up dissatisfied, Because if she wanted whatever it was from you, the fact that she's found someone else to provide it isn't the same thing as getting you to provide it.

The fact that she's chosen your cousin suggests she's either trying to rub your nose in it, or subconsciously reminded of you. Either way, she's subconsciously keeping you in the loop.

Typical rebound behaviour? She rebounded last year when what she wanted was adoration, as I was playing it beyond cool and not going out much. She had a fling with a rock musician who'd been after her for years and hammered it hard party-wise. This time it's because of disrespect through insecurity and, I hate to admit it, controlling behaviour. He's self-contained and stuff and won't say a word. I dunno. Weird.

[worm]

- I like that one. It's an angle that hadn't occurred to me previously.

Yeah, I liked it too. But women have an immense ability to fathom out what is feigned from what is not. Maybe that fits in to your theory? The alpha female, or experienced female, has an ability to discern this and is less inclined to fall?

[eFestivals]

I just don't buy it though. I think it's far more shallow than that. Women are attracted to beauty and sex-appeal, just like everyone else.

but unless you're able to give a logical and fixed definition of what is beauty and what is sex appeal, you're saying nothing of meaning really. You're just batting off what you can't explain with more can't-be-explained.

The fact is that these things are in the eye of the beholder, and there's nothing logical which drives that eye.

And so it must be something else that does. Instinct.

[eFestivals]

But women have an immense ability to fathom out what is feigned from what is not. Maybe that fits in to your theory?

Nope, cos they don't. They merely like to believe that they do.

[feral chile]

Nope, cos they don't. They merely like to believe that they do.

I think women can. There have been plenty of occasions when I've picked up on things my husband's missed. Men tend to be very literal. I think women are more tuned into non verbal cues. And tone of voice.

Particularly tension of some kind. I don't know whether it's body language or chemical though.

Edited August 3, 2012 by feral chile

[worm]

but unless you're able to give a logical and fixed definition of what is beauty and what is sex appeal, you're saying nothing of meaning really.

Man, I'd start talking mind maps at this point, but it's boring and I don't necessarily prescribe to it. My tastes have not changed. I don't think many people's do, in truth. Only perhaps temporarily or to fit someone they're with that means something. Someone will come to define everything. Very few re-define.

No, I take the Wildean notion of beauty. Beauty is the indiscernable. It is something unlike science. It's pure art. And it's both pointless and functionless. We cannot capture it. But there is no denying it. It's what we all aspire towards in all things, but we tend to reduce it with our logical minds.

EDIT: But if you must, high and wide cheek bones, an inflective gaze, thin cheeks, a strong jaw-line, high brow, clear skin, good hair line, blah, blah, blah........ it's all far too subjective. A unique connection of some sort in the eyes. I dunno.

Serendipity. It's all about serendipity.

Edited August 3, 2012 by worm

[worm]

Nope, cos they don't. They merely like to believe that they do.

No chance. Totally disagree.

[worm]

I think women can. There have been plenty of occasions when I've picked up on things my husband's missed. Men tend to be very literal. I think women are more tuned into non verbal cues. And tone of voice.

I agree entirely. When I was on my vibe and care-free, she melted on hearing my voice regardless of circumstance. When I was a tense mess, she became taught herself regardless of what I said.

Edited August 3, 2012 by worm

[feral chile]

I agree entirely. When I was on my vibe and care-free, she melted on hearing my voice regardless of circumstance. When I was a tense mess, she became taught herself regardless of what I said.

Yes, I find I pick up on tension. And find it contagious, too, which doesn't help matters.

[eFestivals]

I think women can. There have been plenty of occasions when I've picked up on things my husband's missed. Men tend to be very literal. I think women are more tuned into non verbal cues. And tone of voice.

Particularly tension of some kind. I don't know whether it's body language or chemical though.

nah. Some people pay attention and link stuff up properly, others don't. It's nowt to do with gender.

[eFestivals]

My tastes have not changed.

[

so you're still chasing 18 year old girls as you were at around that sort of age and slightly older?

I don't think many people's do, in truth. Only perhaps temporarily or to fit someone they're with that means something. Someone will come to define everything. Very few re-define.

the reality of the world proves you indisputably wrong.

No, I take the Wildean notion of beauty. Beauty is the indiscernable.

yep, it's indiscernible, and yet very defined when we each see it. There's definitely something driving it.

[worm]

nah. Some people pay attention and link stuff up properly, others don't. It's nowt to do with gender.

Studies would suggest otherwise and there is an evolutionary reason for it. Men think literally and pay attention to discourse. That's how it links up for men, a logical conclusion. Women don't and pay attention to the emotional tense of discourse. That's how it links up for women, emotional stability.

This ties in with your strength thing. A man looks to logically conclude, which makes him appear emotionally stable (strong). Hence the traits of intelligence etc being revered by women.

Edited August 3, 2012 by worm

[AcademicPistol]

Nope, cos they don't. They merely like to believe that they do.

I sometimes wish there was a 'like' option for your posts

[worm]

so you're still chasing 18 year old girls as you were at around that sort of age and slightly older?

Haha. the last one was 22.

As I said, I don't chase. But I'm not talking age specifically. I'm talking about what we find beautiful. There's different levels of attraction and they all depend upon our vision of beauty.

the reality of the world proves you indisputably wrong.

yep, it's indiscernible, and yet very defined when we each see it.

These contradict each other. Someone comes to define what we see as beautiful when we see it, proving it indisputably right. It may not work out, but that beauty is taken forward. We may seek something else in future, but that beauty is always the ideal.

Edited August 3, 2012 by worm

[eFestivals]

Studies would suggest otherwise and there is an evolutionary reason for it. Men think literally and pay attention to discourse. That's how it links up for men, a logical conclusion. Women don't and pay attention to the emotional tense of discourse. That's how it links up for women, emotional stability.

and yet my experience of women stating what they've sensed has them being wrong very often.

The only thing studies might have discovered is that women take a stab at it. I'm certain beyond all doubt that as a gender they're not particularly accurate with it (tho of course some are better than others).

[AcademicPistol]

Bingo. This is my issue with strength and dominance. Bollocks, women want to be able to throw themselves all over someone and get completely lost in the experience. That's them being dominant. And speaking as a male, I want a woman to throw herself at me. Fuck all this biological need crap. It's neediness. Relationship seeking. I want to get lost with someone. That's it.

If you are talking sexually, then I think you are just submissive not that there is anything wrong with that.

[eFestivals]

Haha. the last one was 22.

explains everything, without the need for your psycho-babble then. What do you expect when you play with children?

As I said, I don't chase.

yeah of course. That's why it's currently driving you to distraction.

These contradict each other.

No they don't. You're not able to tell me what beauty is, and yet you know it when you see it.

What makes you 'know'? It's not likely to be experience, because two people with similar life experiences can have wildly different tastes.

There's something which has you 'know' beauty. Given its importance to procreation within any ordered society (not just mankind's), and how much else of the procreation is without-doubt driven by natural instincts, there's far more to bind the idea of human beauty to instinct than there is anything else.

Someone comes to define what we see as beautiful when we see it, proving it indisputably right. It may not work out, but that beauty is taken forward. We may seek something else in future, but that beauty is always the ideal.

Nope.

One idea of what is beauty can be long-lasting, but it's not fixed forever.

You'll get over it. It's not nice to blame your cousin tho, or even her.

[worm]

yeah of course. That's why it's currently driving you to distraction.

Nah. Just the hangover before closure.

[worm]

If you are talking sexually, then I think you are just submissive not that there is anything wrong with that.

Nah man, because you have the control. They desire you.

[worm]

and yet my experience of women stating what they've sensed has them being wrong very often.

And here you are arriving at a logical conclusion, in an emotionally stable state.

I'd also add that this is the foundation for non-sexual relationships between men and women. It's non-sexual attraction. A sexual relationship comes when one perceives beauty. When desire is invoked. Two totally seperate things to my mind.

Edited August 3, 2012 by worm