singles thread

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

After nearly a decade of being single (divorced then widowed) I have decided that it is time to start looking at the opposite sex again. Seeing as I haven't "dated" since the 1980s this feels like quite a daunting task. God knows how I intend to get this scheme off the ground, but I guess that the decision is the 1st step.

Can't really offer advice, but wish you all the best in this endevour.

[jump]

Same here, I don't know what to say apart from good luck!

[Essex_George]

After nearly a decade of being single (divorced then widowed) I have decided that it is time to start looking at the opposite sex again. Seeing as I haven't "dated" since the 1980s this feels like quite a daunting task. God knows how I intend to get this scheme off the ground, but I guess that the decision is the 1st step.

Internet dating? It's all the rage these days.

[Spindles]

Call me old fashioned, but I am so picky about humans that I'd really need to meet, talk with and judge someone on their body language, etc. The internet is the nation of the false persona, dating sites must surely be the same, with everyone being the equivalent of a 'doctored CV' that makes them out to be something they are not. As the person I would be looking for would have to be the exact opposite of that I can't see it being for me.

[kaosmark2]

Call me old fashioned, but I am so picky about humans that I'd really need to meet, talk with and judge someone on their body language, etc. The internet is the nation of the false persona, dating sites must surely be the same, with everyone being the equivalent of a 'doctored CV' that makes them out to be something they are not. As the person I would be looking for would have to be the exact opposite of that I can't see it being for me.

I had a nose at internet dating, but this is what puts me off. Most profiles seem to be people trying to seem as normal as possible with just enough of their own interests to be "quirky" rather than "weird".

[LondonTom]

I had a nose at internet dating, but this is what puts me off. Most profiles seem to be people trying to seem as normal as possible with just enough of their own interests to be "quirky" rather than "weird".

Don't people do that on "first dates" anyway? (I've never actually done the whole going on a date thing actually so maybe not the best person...I just normally end up going out with girls I am friends with first....never ends well really mind.)

Edited December 4, 2013 by LondonTom

[kaosmark2]

Don't people do that on "first dates" anyway? (I've never actually done the whole going on a date thing actually so maybe not the best person...I just normally end up going out with girls I am friends with first....never ends well really mind.)

Probably? I can't comment on it either. It's certainly offputting when you're looking through trawls of profiles which are near-identical though.

[jump]

Don't people do that on "first dates" anyway? (I've never actually done the whole going on a date thing actually so maybe not the best person...I just normally end up going out with girls I am friends with first....never ends well really mind.)

Yeah, my 1st date with my girlfriend we were aimlessly running around Landan town wearing mexican wrestling masks we just bought off a street vendor trying to see if we would be allowed into various pubs and clubs aswell as posing for tourists at the random tourist traps we came across. She later told she was pretending to be a free spirit as she thought that was my type, still it worked out in the end.

[Essex_George]

I know a few people that have done the internet dating thing, two are getting married to the people they met online next year so it can work.

Isn't the supermarket the place to meet people these days?

[jump]

It seems strange to me this thread is hardly used now.

Any advice or insight welcomed please.

Basically 2 friends have got together who really aren't a good match and are pretty much only going out but because they have had shit non-relationships in the past and have trouble meeting new people so they are offering each other the basic secure & comfortable relationship thing. It'd be really good for both of them if they were treating it as an easy going/early day relationship but despite not having sex & not using the love word there's talk of getting a place together and I'm having to sugarcoat stuff for example one has "problems" with gay people and the other is pro-gay so instead of me going "they are a small minded bigot" I'm having to say shit like "give them time, once they become more worldly it'll be fine" because the pro-gay one will get really defensive about the other.

I was planning on let them run its course without interference but the longer they go the more shit it'll cause at the end plus as both are desperate for a relationship they may just keep going due to not figuring out just because there's nothing wrong in a relationship doesn't automatically mean there's something right with it.

Edited March 4, 2014 by jump

[Spindles]

I have a strict policy of never telling a friend that I don't approve of a partner or relationship. Many years ago one of my mates was with one of my wife's and she was, well, not a good person (cheating on him, bit of a bigot, not afraid to lie, cheat or steal) and when they split up I got drunk with him and told him what I thought. 2 weeks later they got back together and we have never spoken since.

Similarly someone much closer to me has a significant other who is a repulsive human being, so I have held my tongue in the view that it is for people to make their own decisions and their own mistakes.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

It seems strange to me this thread is hardly used now.

Any advice or insight welcomed please.

Basically 2 friends have got together who really aren't a good match and are pretty much only going out but because they have had shit non-relationships in the past and have trouble meeting new people so they are offering each other the basic secure & comfortable relationship thing. It'd be really good for both of them if they were treating it as an easy going/early day relationship but despite not having sex & not using the love word there's talk of getting a place together and I'm having to sugarcoat stuff for example one has "problems" with gay people and the other is pro-gay so instead of me going "they are a small minded bigot" I'm having to say shit like "give them time, once they become more worldly it'll be fine" because the pro-gay one will get really defensive about the other.

I was planning on let them run its course without interference but the longer they go the more shit it'll cause at the end plus as both are desperate for a relationship they may just keep going due to not figuring out just because there's nothing wrong in a relationship doesn't automatically mean there's something right with it.

When I met my now fiancee everybody we knew were given a mind fuck of biblical proportions. Here were two of the most hedonistic people they had ever encountered in their lives getting together. Everybody was shitting it and really thought we were going to kill ourselves. The fact of the matter is that we get on like a house on fire, have reduced our excesses and for the first time in our lives experienced true happiness in adulthood. Before our get together I was having thoughts of toping myself. Little did I know but my fiancee was too.

I'm trying to say that not all relationships which would appear from the outside to be callametous or ill judged actually are. Give them some more time and if things then go awry then step in, but not before.

[jump]

I have a strict policy of never telling a friend that I don't approve of a partner or relationship. Many years ago one of my mates was with one of my wife's and she was, well, not a good person (cheating on him, bit of a bigot, not afraid to lie, cheat or steal) and when they split up I got drunk with him and told him what I thought. 2 weeks later they got back together and we have never spoken since.

Similarly someone much closer to me has a significant other who is a repulsive human being, so I have held my tongue in the view that it is for people to make their own decisions and their own mistakes.

Yeah, that's my mentality too but I'm getting bored of watching their mistakes.

When I met my now fiancee everybody we knew were given a mind fuck of biblical proportions. Here were two of the most hedonistic people they had ever encountered in their lives getting together. Everybody was shitting it and really thought we were going to kill ourselves. The fact of the matter is that we get on like a house on fire, have reduced our excesses and for the first time in our lives experienced true happiness in adulthood. Before our get together I was having thoughts of toping myself. Little did I know but my fiancee was too.

I'm trying to say that not all relationships which would appear from the outside to be callametous or ill judged actually are. Give them some more time and if things then go awry then step in, but not before.

I'm doing my best to support it, offering sugarcoated advice and encouragement but (not directed at you btw) my main concern is one of them has been prone to suicide attempts before and they have tendancy to pretend everything is fine for the sake of not rocking the boat so when shit does hit the fan everything will come out.

Edited March 4, 2014 by jump

[Katster]

You have to let people live their own lives. I don't like all of my friends partners and not all of my friends probably like mine, but they love theirs and I love mine so where's the issue? A good friend should be there to pick up pieces when things go wrong, not laugh and say I told you so (unless that's what the friend needs to hear!)

Edited March 5, 2014 by Katster

[bunique]

I agree with above - who my friends date (even if it's each other) is none of my bloody business!

[bunique]

(I will post-script that by saying, unless that person is abusive. Being a bit of a twat doesn't count)

[WS_Jack_III]

It's difficult out there isn't it folks. 3 years single after spending 2 and a half years with somebody. She went to uni and became another person, also I got incredibly jealous.

I can't seem to get a date and I duno why, I do live in a small town and everybody knows everybody's business.

Trying to get a girl to come on a date with me at the moment. Had 'yeah could do' and 'maybe' then she brought it up face to face but no solid date set. Getting kinda annoying. We get on really well when we talk face to face but facebook messages are patchy and sometimes no reply at all.

Also I've been rejected twice this year already.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

It's difficult out there isn't it folks. 3 years single after spending 2 and a half years with somebody. She went to uni and became another person, also I got incredibly jealous.

I can't seem to get a date and I duno why, I do live in a small town and everybody knows everybody's business.

Trying to get a girl to come on a date with me at the moment. Had 'yeah could do' and 'maybe' then she brought it up face to face but no solid date set. Getting kinda annoying. We get on really well when we talk face to face but facebook messages are patchy and sometimes no reply at all.

Also I've been rejected twice this year already.

I spent 7 years on my own following a string of long term relationships. That's how I found this site, as I just spent all my time in my bedroom on my computer. Then all of a sudden I meet the woman of my dreams. I had finally met my soul partner. In reality I'd been looking for her all my adult life. What I'm trying to say is don't give up hope. You never know what's around the corner. Oh, and one other piece of advice - lose the jealousy next time you hook up with someone. It's a very raw negative energy which will eat you up and destroy any relationship. My last girlfriend used to go off and shag other blokes and just tell me to deal with it. Then when I met my now wife I became very very jealous. Psychotically so in fact. It really was an intense unhappy feeling which was eating me up. Then I realised that it had come about because of the insecurity that my last girlfriend left me with following her fucking around. Once I realised this I was free again and have never had a jealous moment since and can forsee no such thing happening again.

I wish you all the best.

[WS_Jack_III]

Oh man don't I know it. Jealous behaviour is awful and was a huge factor in my last relationship falling through. We hadn't had a bad moment in 2 years until she left for uni. I couldn't handle it.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Oh man don't I know it. Jealous behaviour is awful and was a huge factor in my last relationship falling through. We hadn't had a bad moment in 2 years until she left for uni. I couldn't handle it.

Oh jealousy will eat away at you. It has no remorse. This may sound perverse but I think there was a masochistic element within my jealousy. I used to make up imaginary scenarios and play them out in my mind. I was convinced that these scenarios were real and that the only problem I had was that I wasn't able to prove that they were right. I used to tell myself that I would in the future have my theories proven as someone would make a mistake. What kind of made me happy was not the content of my theories, but that my theories were like a comfort blanket - they offered an element of security when many parts of my mind were screaming at me that I had no security. So, instead of logically working things out with the facts that I actually had, I turned to my jealous theories and ran them through my mind over and over, and even expanded on them. Absolute madness on reflection. And it is mad. Pretty certain you were probably doing the same thing when your ex girlfriend went away to university.

I think I was helped along, in part, because my now wife refused to give in. She could so easily have done and I'd have lost her. I just hope you can see through the shit should you start getting those jealous feelings again when you meet your next girlfriend. Do you think you will, or is it possibly a one off experience that came about because you and your ex girlfriend were apart because of her going to university? Don't answer if you don't want to. The only reason I ask is that I have a rather enlightening self help book on jealousy which I could send to you for free if you want. I have no need for it now,

[feral chile]

Oh man don't I know it. Jealous behaviour is awful and was a huge factor in my last relationship falling through. We hadn't had a bad moment in 2 years until she left for uni. I couldn't handle it.

It's known to break up relationships - when I went for my interview, the lecturer interviewing me brought this up, as I was married. Sure enough, after the first year, we split up for a year. We did get back together though.

edit: going to uni I mean.

Edited June 21, 2014 by feral chile

[WS_Jack_III]

If I could turn back time and break up with her when she went to uni so she could enjoy that 6 months instead of worrying about me and having to deal with my jealousy then I would. I've told her that, though we don't really get on still.

And I'd like to think I've learned from it and would be able to deal better in my next relationship (whenever the hell that might be)

[Katster]

If you have, it would be a good lesson learnt. Jealousy sucks ass.

[WS_Jack_III]

Well I'm getting nowhere again. Time to give in again I reckon.

[Spindles]

Heh, I empathise entirely.

I've reached the point of officially past caring and am heading towards the point of can't remember why I'd bother.