Last 24hrs..3 things I`ve never done before

[gratedenini]

1. Dialled 999 and called the Fire Brigade!

Went to bed about 2am... asleep. MDM starting barking..told him to shut up..but he was up and down the stairs etc. I eventually got up and started shouting at him..I heard a bang and thought someone was in the house..shit mesell. I got to the landing..and could hear strange noises...then a big f**kin flash..ran to the back bedroom window.. next doors metal shed was a fire!!

Phoned 999 and they were on the scene in about 5mins... but in that time the whole thing was well up.. the shed is only 3ft away from his back window..the fence was well alight..and all of a sudden there was another whooosh.. and the whole thing was engulfed in flames.

I rang the lad up thinking he must be away.. turned out he was in bed,pissed!

This was 4am. They quickly had it under control mind..but, poor bloke--his pride and joy.. his Harley Davison type motor bike was totally destroyed along with all his tools and that.

Tell yer.. if it wasn`t for MDM--that would have been much much worse.

2. I bent down and me tross split open! I was out with the dog and I bent over... and a fart sound rang out... when I got upright again i could feel me Wine Gums were all cold!

Thats never happened before in my life.. I had to mince home...looking anxiously behind ever 3 strides!

3. I`ve put mouse poison down. I went into the kitchen a good few weeks ago...and I just caught some movement out the corner of me eye..didnt think too much of it.

Then.. a while after..sat watching the tele... bugger me.. two mice ran right in front of me. Shit mesell!

I checked all me food --but none was touched so I just left it. I dont massively mind as long as they not in amongst me bait.. but last week..I opened the units under the kitchen and there was loads of droppins!

So, that was it.. took advice and the stuff is down now..think they`ve had a nibble already. Not something I`m proud of... but felt it had to be done.

A strange 24 hours!

Den

[jump]

I saw the title and thought it going to be a "if you had 24 hours to live what 3 things would you do that you've never done before?" thread.

[ampersand]

i've split the arse on my 3/4 trousers. no idea how it happened!

[timespeedsup]

So how did the shed go up, any ideas yet?

& you've never minced home before??

[grumpyhack]

I saw the title and thought it going to be a "if you had 24 hours to live what 3 things would you do that you've never done before?" thread.

[gratedenini]

I saw the title and thought it going to be a "if you had 24 hours to live what 3 things would you do that you've never done before?" thread.

Edited January 24, 2011 by gratedenini

[rabid]

So how did the shed go up, any ideas yet?

[The Nal]

I'll give you a +1 for that Denilson, rough night!

[jump]

so you didnt read any further then?

[Paul ™]

So how did the shed go up, any ideas yet?

[gratedenini]

At that time of morning I'm guessing foul play.

Get into a size 12 or borrow your lasses g-string?

[rexclark]

Wine Gums.

Hillarious.

Edited January 25, 2011 by rexclark

[Steve P]

I thought you were about to say you'd done 3 poos in 24 hours

[gratedenini]

I thought you were about to say you'd done 3 poos in 24 hours

[jump]

Now that would be taking the piss!

I haven`t had My Three a Day since circa 2002 when i had The D at the all-inclusive in Jamaica.

Wasn`t the food that did it... was when we were out horse riding..our lass had gone off galloping cos she a good rider..she returned an hour later..sweatin like a bull..clutchin a huge bag of green..

"I hav been shoppins Den!" she exclaimed.

The toothy grin of her Jamaican guide has never left me....

den

who can afford 3 shits in the same day anyway??

[diddly-dee]

That's why I always try to poop at work, that and it kills time.

[The Nal]

Exactly, why spend your own time on the khazie when you could be getting paid for it.

[RABun]

Because if youre in the right cubicle, of three, and the other two arent in use, some c**t ALWAYS comes in and uses the middle one - RIGHT. BESIDE. ME. I can see their feet under the flimsy wall, hear them etc. And its always some f**ker who's clearly been on the piss on Guinness, so theres more fart than actual solid shite. You know those shits?! Like, hes no control over whats happening, no control at all as he groans and trashes about as if Jaws has just grabbed a hold of his leg.

[jump]

girls loo's are funny - no-one wants anyone to know if they're doing a number two - so you sit there and hold on until whoever has just walked in has finished and gone. It is the unwritten rule that if you go to the loo and someone is already in there you just do a quick wee and leave and wait until the other person has finished before going in to continue with your business.

My ex is funny about loo's he won't use public or work ones at all unless absolutely necessary. and as far as i know he hasn't done a number 2 in over 10 years as he wouldnt go if i was at home.

[The Nal]

girls loo's are funny - no-one wants anyone to know if they're doing a number two - so you sit there and hold on until whoever has just walked in has finished and gone. It is the unwritten rule that if you go to the loo and someone is already in there you just do a quick wee and leave and wait until the other person has finished before going in to continue with your business.

My ex is funny about loo's he won't use public or work ones at all unless absolutely necessary. and as far as i know he hasn't done a number 2 in over 10 years as he wouldnt go if i was at home.

[Steve P]

girls loo's are funny - no-one wants anyone to know if they're doing a number two - so you sit there and hold on until whoever has just walked in has finished and gone. It is the unwritten rule that if you go to the loo and someone is already in there you just do a quick wee and leave and wait until the other person has finished before going in to continue with your business.

[jump]

I'd kinda be like that but not as....err.......anal.

Some f**ker once, about a year ago, saw me going into the only working cubicle, in a really quiet toilet, and f**king WAITED 2 feet away leaning against the sink, FACING THE f**kING CUBICLE DOOR until I finished. I didnt know he was there until I came out.

[The Nal]

Sounds like the people you work with are nutters. Wasn't someone washing their feet in there too?

[ampersand]

That happens in the mens, don't know why. I will wash my hands longer than I need to if I know someone is done and they are waiting for me to leave before flushing and as soon as I've made poopies, wiped & flushed I'm out regardless if some is there or not.

[The Nal]

yeah i'm the guy that waits. i cannae be doing with toilet small talk!

but i do the same as rabun mentioned. if there's someone else in, i cannae do a jobby. but some folk i work with have no shame, they unzip, sit down with a huge sigh and then just let rip. whether they're alone or if one or two people are also in. and there's only about half a dozen guys in our office at any one time, so easy to tell who it is! mingers.