Getting married and having children - is it so strange as a woman I don't want either?

[philipsteak]

You can't take a baby/toddler travelling for 3 months and then as they start school you can't take them out for that length of time either. You can take them on holidays of course though

[bunique]

Flew to America at 7.5 months pregnant - the airline isn't the problem usually, it's getting insured. Ravenhall insure to 36ish weeks. Our airline actually specified "as long as you are not in active labour"!

Also, you can take a child out of school. You would risk them losing their school place but there's nothing stopping you taking your child off roll for as long as you want to. I'd argue a few months travelling will outweigh almost anything they'll learn at school...

Edited February 16, 2014 by bunique

[Guest]

Not realistic really in my opinion - or safe or fair for the child especially if a baby or toddler. I'm talking proper travelling to Asia, Goa, Australia. Would it be fair to drag a child around. Again older children you can't take out of school anyway so anything other than 6 weeks couldn't happen. Surely the school element alone makes it impossible for more than 6 weeks in the holidays

[Guest]

I don't agree with your comment about taking kids out of school.... Not one bit but I suppose the more others do it the easier a time my own daughter will have out performing them so go for it

I think this is the point when it stops being about the child and being about the selfishness of the parents. Yeah you sit there and convince yourself that its about the kid, going off traveling is more important and even better than formal education. But its not... and its just a selfish parent being selfish...

[grumpyhack]

I wonder at what age children realistically benefit from travelling and would be interested in people's thoughts.

When my daughters were 3 and 4 we took them to France on holiday and when we went down to the bakery in the morning I taught them to request the croissants and bread in French. They are now in their thirties but still remember that moment.

But I'm not sure if I'd taken them as babes in arms they would have remembered.

[russycarps]

they are your kids, bring them up as you see fit. Dont bend your life around a deeply flawed and failing system.

Obviously someone like barry must have other people educating his kids though, as he is thick as dogshit.

[bunique]

Do you think only a teacher can teach a child to read, write, count, Barry?

[philipsteak]

all these unecessarily emotive words... 'draaaging' your child along. You don't drag them, they're with you, experiencing what you're experiencing. I haven't met a person who did a lot of travelling with their parents when they were young, who seemed to be at all damaged by the journey. If anything they're usually more open-minded about things.

[Guest]

Obviously not...

[Guest]

I mean FFS tonyblair.... Does everyone have to spell everything out for you ??

You might not have any respect for teachers but I do...

Me and the Mrs can teach our child (and we do) letters, numbers, reading etc etc but I can accept a professional who does it for a living is going to be some what better at it then myself.

Yeah I know, you hate the system, you don't respect Teachers etc etc... Maybe if you did people wouldn't have to spell everything out for you ? all the time... I mean seriously...

Edited February 17, 2014 by tonyblair

[Guest]

I get angry because you ask such mind boggling useless questions time and time again.

[eFestivals]

... a debate about "full time home schooling" ...

that would be a debate about how the self-importance of the parents negates everything about the child.

It would be interesting tho.

[Guest]

Maybe for once you can explain what you mean...

Are you saying its reasonably acceptable for a school to allow children to come and go as they please and this wouldn't impact on the learning of other children ?

What would you like to see ?

[Guest]

Well if you do go on how about sticking to what we are talking about...

I agree with your comment about Glastonbury and it should be ok for a child to take a small number of days off to do something with their parents that is accepted as being worth while by teacher and parent.

But that is not what we are talking about is it....

[Ruwise]

I'm 36 and still feel exactly like you so do't feel you ever have to change. I relented on getting married because I loved my husband enough to want other people to see him the way I did. He is the most important person in my life and whilst I always believed that I saw when an ex-colleague died that people just talked about her parents and not her partner because of the fact that they weren't married.

My husband and I went to the other side of the world to get married on our own. I hate being the centre of attention and planning a traditional wedding would be my idea of hell. We bough happily used the occasion to give ourselves the holiday of a lifetime. I told people the wedding was for them the holiday was for us. We both admit that it wasn't the best day of our lives. In fact it wasn't even the best day of our honeymoon. As soon as we got married despite me always saying I didn't want kids the pressure to have kids got worse.

This is one thing I would never relent on. It is irresponsible to have children because of societal pressure. I do sometimes wonder about the things people say though. I have known a number of couple who've had fertility issues or had multiple miscarriages and when I think of some of the comments that people have made to me I am always glad that I am childless by choice because people can be damned insensitive about the things they say. As you get older the pressure will get even worse but remember for all the people who will tell you that having kids is the best thing in the world they are numerous others who have said to me in hushed tones that they love their kids and they wouldn't want to lose them for all the world but it they had their time again they'd be childless.

As for marriage it has made no difference whatsoever to my husband and my relationship but it has to the way others view it. Depending on your friends and family that may not be an issue for you ever. Buying a house is way more of a commitment. In fact the desire to keep my music and film collection together would be more of an incentive to work on my relationship than the stupid piece of paper that is a wedding certificate. Always do what feels right for you and if somebody ever makes you feel awkward I say feel free to make stuff up to make them feel like the nosy piece of shit they clearly are.

[russycarps]

I'm 36 and still feel exactly like you so do't feel you ever have to change. I relented on getting married because I loved my husband enough to want other people to see him the way I did. He is the most important person in my life and whilst I always believed that I saw when an ex-colleague died that people just talked about her parents and not her partner because of the fact that they weren't married.

My husband and I went to the other side of the world to get married on our own. I hate being the centre of attention and planning a traditional wedding would be my idea of hell. We bough happily used the occasion to give ourselves the holiday of a lifetime. I told people the wedding was for them the holiday was for us. We both admit that it wasn't the best day of our lives. In fact it wasn't even the best day of our honeymoon. As soon as we got married despite me always saying I didn't want kids the pressure to have kids got worse.

This is one thing I would never relent on. It is irresponsible to have children because of societal pressure. I do sometimes wonder about the things people say though. I have known a number of couple who've had fertility issues or had multiple miscarriages and when I think of some of the comments that people have made to me I am always glad that I am childless by choice because people can be damned insensitive about the things they say. As you get older the pressure will get even worse but remember for all the people who will tell you that having kids is the best thing in the world they are numerous others who have said to me in hushed tones that they love their kids and they wouldn't want to lose them for all the world but it they had their time again they'd be childless.

As for marriage it has made no difference whatsoever to my husband and my relationship but it has to the way others view it. Depending on your friends and family that may not be an issue for you ever. Buying a house is way more of a commitment. In fact the desire to keep my music and film collection together would be more of an incentive to work on my relationship than the stupid piece of paper that is a wedding certificate. Always do what feels right for you and if somebody ever makes you feel awkward I say feel free to make stuff up to make them feel like the nosy piece of shit they clearly are.

[eFestivals]

Did you literally have no guests at your wedding at all?

me and the missus had just two, our kids.

My bruv has just said he's getting married, in Las Vegas in April; they'll be dragging some people in off the street. In his case that's all about the practical convenience, because as residents of different european countries it's far easier and more practical for them to travel to the other side of the world to get married in LV than in either of those countries (really!).

[Guest]

A wedding is what you want it to be. I got married in Rome. None of my family were there. I had one friend who came uninvited who proceeded to hand out LSD to me fiancee's friends so the whole day went completely mad (I didn't have any!).

Apart from that it was a fairly cheap low key affair. A non-religious ceremony (yes, even in Rome) followed by an afternoon at a restaurant in the country. It made my wifes parents very happy, and my (now) mother-in-law could sleep a bit better knowing we weren't living in sin. I do have a slight warm glow inside when I remember where we got married, with the Forum as our backdrop.

The wedding itself made little difference to our relationship. Having kids is what made the big difference.

I'm surprised that people still feel pressure from others to get married and have babies. I know so many women and men who are happy to not tie the knot, have babies, or even be in a relationship at all if that's what they want

[Guest]

You have failed to tackle any of the raised issues... Well done...

[russycarps]

me and the missus had just two, our kids.

My bruv has just said he's getting married, in Las Vegas in April; they'll be dragging some people in off the street. In his case that's all about the practical convenience, because as residents of different european countries it's far easier and more practical for them to travel to the other side of the world to get married in LV than in either of those countries (really!).

[Guest]

Not quite but well done for being an idiot... Consistency is your strong point!

[Ruwise]

your wedding sounds great, those are the only circumstances under which I'd get married. Being centre of attention on a day I have spent the last year dreading, and have paid thousands of pounds I cant afford for seems utterly horrific to me.

Did you literally have no guests at your wedding at all?

[pink_triangle]

.

Saying that... We are quite happy to be going Centre Parcs and Butlins this year. In fact I can't wait for it

[bunique]

You're confusing "a wedding" with "marriage".

Our wedding was a massive piss up and I loved every single messy second of it