Some news...

[Katster]

We JUST got her to settle...been trying since 7pm. Night...

[Katster]

No I'm pretty sure it was growth spurt. She wasn't crying for no reason just feeding excessively which meant peeing and pooing excessively. She was extremely grumpy and we both have a bit of a cold which I guess also wasn't helping. She seems fairly settled this morning and after the initial difficulty getting her down last night she then slept from 1.30 till 5am and went straight back down after feed then went from 5.30am till 8am. I don't think that's too bad. I've not had to give her any medicines for anything so far and will try to give her as little as possible (unless she's seriously ill obviously) as my breast milk should sort most things hopefully. At least she's calmed down, for now, poor girl.

[bunique]

That's some great stretches of sleep!

[Katster]

I know Bunique we have been so so lucky. Her general pattern is 8/9pm-midnight, 1/2am-4am, 5/6am-8am. After that we get her up and she doesn't seem to have much of a daytime routine yet but I'm not too fussed about that cos who does?!

Last night was a bad night but her bad night seems to be like other people's normal! I bought a wrap for carrying her in, far better than the babasling.

[Katster]

And, most of the time, it only takes so long putting her back down because she spends so long feeding or fills her nappy numerous times. She never whinges just because. Not yet anyway ha.

[Katster]

FAB night last night. 10-1, 1.30-5, 5.30-9.

[bunique]

Nice one Willow! What wrap did you go for? I got (another) one I've been lusting after for a couple of years last week. I think I may finally have completed my ludicrous stash!

[Katster]

It's an AmaWrap and I'm well pleased with it. She feels so snug and secure and it's a much better position than the babasling, for me anyway. It was £25 which is a lot considering its just a very long piece of material but well worth it for the confidence it's given me in carrying her. We've been out all day today and having her close to me was lovely, we've been doing some research on attachment theories and both agree we want her with us during the day as much as we can rather than put down in the pram or Moses basket. She's super cool, I've had a really lovely day.

[bunique]

I won't tell you what I spent on mine It is lovely though, carrying them, I much preferred it to our pushchair

[Katster]

One month old today. We have just put our first reusable on. I have now breastfed in various pubs (and asked where changing facilities are!!), the library, the doctors waiting room and friends houses. What a long way we have all come!

[bunique]

Happy month-iversary! Definitely gets easier around 4-6 week mark remind me of that in a few weeks!

[midnight]

We've come a long long way together,
Through the hard times and the good,
I have to celebrate you baby,
I have to praise you like I should

[Katster]

We've been reading a lot about attachment parenting and whilst I am still personally against co-sleeping (we also feel no need to do it since she goes down to sleep very easily once we have seen to her needs) we have adopted the other methods of demand feeding and baby wearing. It suits us. We tried putting her down in Moses basket during the day in her first week but it just felt so wrong to go about our business like she wasn't there so we stopped. If I've made a rod for my own back then so be it, at least I have read up in things and gone with what feels right for us. And at least I won't be saying what almost every friend with kids already has said...that they wish they'd cuddled them more. What's people's thoughts on the subject??

[bunique]

^ that really - with one it was easy to snuggle up for naps, see to her every squeak etc. With 2 I accept there are times baby will just have to wait - in lots of ways the 4 year old will have much more needs in terms of keeping her little emotional cup full once sibling arrives.

I would have said that first time round I was a total AP mum, definitely for the first year-18 months. I even trained up as a BabyCalm 'teacher'! But as time goes on, I find that AP groups on Facebook for example drive me insane. There can be a martyrdom and an encouragement to new mothers to sacrifice their sanity at the altar of their baby. I don't think that's healthy. And an obsession with not ever allowing a baby to cry that I find verges on disrespectful.

I really like Aha Parenting, Janet Lansbury and Lisa Sunbury's advice on parenting young children.

I think with parenting you take a little from here, a little from there and you are guided by the temperament of your self and your baby. If it works for you, fantastic. If it doesn't, don't be afraid to try something else. I get the impression you're very much of that mindset already

[Katster]

I have been saying/wondering ever since late pregnancy how do people manage when they've already got kids?! Especially with a demanding baby (which Willow isn't!) or demanding kids. I can only imagine how hard it must be!

But yes we are trying to figure out what works for us and go with it. I'm not full on into AP as I definitely won't be breast feeding when Willow is talking etc, but for now I am happy to be her slave lol.

[bunique]

Heh! They don't start talking/walking overnight, you might surprise yourself. When I was pregnant I assumed everyone who breastfed switched to formula at 6 months (NO idea where I got that from!). As it turned out I fed my first til she was 2. Never intended it at the start but it just worked out that way. I am very amused to see how she reacts to baby sister breastfeeding, whether she remembers being fed herself, whether she gets jealous etc. Will be interesting!

[Katster]

True. I've already done so many things I said I would never do. Having her, for example, never mind willingly breast feeding AND even enjoying it (minus the stingy bits!). I'm such a hypocrite/sell out lol.

[bunique]

Not in the slightest! I think it's impossible to predict what you'll be like as a parent because the reality of it just can't be explained before it happens to you!

[midnight]

Heh! They don't start talking/walking overnight, you might surprise yourself. When I was pregnant I assumed everyone who breastfed switched to formula at 6 months (NO idea where I got that from!). As it turned out I fed my first til she was 2. Never intended it at the start but it just worked out that way. I am very amused to see how she reacts to baby sister breastfeeding, whether she remembers being fed herself, whether she gets jealous etc. Will be interesting!

Yes. I never thought I'd keep at it until mine was two - my original plan was to stop at about 1, more or less when I had to return to work, but the young one had other ideas and I didn't mind as much as I thought I would.

As for attachment parenting, I sort of did that by default (not knowing it had a name), having the kind of baby who was constantly wailing if left to his own devices. Plus he never slept. So I had to carry him everywhere with me, and of course it worked wonders for the bonding and all, but it had its downside - a massively unhappy child when I finally had to go back to work. He was 14 months old and wailed like a banshee for 6 weeks flat every time I left. I found that absolutely heartbreaking and often think I should have done something differently, but what, how?

My son's cousin is the total opposite, he was always quite happy playing on a mat on his own, took 2-3 hour day time naps and slept through the night..... he seems absolutely fine to me, but his mum says that she feels that he hasn't really bonded with her (not sure that really is the case, but she feels like that). I remember once looking after him for a few hours when he was about 9 months old, he hadn't seen me for 6 months and obviously had no idea who I was, but he didn't mind at all. Fantastic. My own sprog would have made an almighty racket. Some kids are just different.

And if you want to do this attachment thing with a second child you'd need a really big gap, 5 or 6 years, otherwise it would be just impossible - at least for me, I've got only 2 hands!

[Katster]

And did your sister do AP Midnight?? Willow does seem quite content when awake to play on a mat or sit in her bouncer, I only carry her when she's sleeping for now.

[Katster]

I've taken to waking her every few hours during the day in an attempt to prevent cluster feeding at night. It also helps stop my supply running low and will hopefully help her to see the difference between day and night. It seems to be working for now

[Katster]

It's a bit of give and take, like any relationship. At times she can demand feed etc and its fine but at other times I have appointments or have planned to meet at a certain time she's going to have to learn how to wait. So I guess I am practising AP when I can, without letting the little monkey completely rule the roost.

[feral chile]

I had 3 under 3, and found it hard. You only have 2 hands, and splitting your attention 3 ways is difficult, so trying to focus on 3 kids is really difficult. There's always an escapee. They also find it easier to gang up on you, because while you're talking to one, the other 2 can exclude themselves from you by focusing on each other (eye contact, giggles, chatting etc.)

You do eventually learn to be proactive rather than reactive, so you organise them before they get out of hand. it takes practice and trial and error learning though (unless you work with kids - how on earth people deal with a whole group of kids - they need medals).

Edited November 16, 2014 by feral chile

[Katster]

I work with grown up (16-19) kids, does that count?

Not sure I could give enough to another child physically, but I'm well into it mentally so we will probably go with our adoption plans for the second child. I dunno, I'm 34 and whilst plenty of women have babies when they are lots older than that I'm not sure I want to. I'm fast learning to never say never though!

[feral chile]

I work with grown up (16-19) kids, does that count?

Not sure I could give enough to another child physically, but I'm well into it mentally so we will probably go with our adoption plans for the second child. I dunno, I'm 34 and whilst plenty of women have babies when they are lots older than that I'm not sure I want to. I'm fast learning to never say never though!

Yes, it definitely counts!