What women (don't) want.

[russycarps]

i met a couple of guys in Sweden once, and one of them was telling me how many women his mate ended up sleeping with when he went out. Now, I'm not particularly impressed but curious as to how it happened.  He said he simply went up to women and asked them if they wanted to go to bed with him. Half the time he'd get a slap in the face, but the rest of the time, they were happy to take him up on his offer....

I'm not sure what that says about anything. . ...? 

I think it says you're quite gullible.

 

[russycarps]

you don't believe him, I gather?

It seems unlikely doesnt it? I'm quite cynical when it comes to men bragging about their sexual experiences as most men lie about such things, I suppose to make themselves feel better and to "impress" others.

 

 

 

 

[russycarps]

well, he was leaving us early with a woman he'd just met. which is where the topic started from. Are you saying some women aren't up for one night stands?

I don't see why it's unlikely. My brother, and the number of his 'relationships', to this day, leaves me somewhat bewildered. I'm really not impressed, just surprised.... When we talk about the women he's been with, I feel distinctly 'inexperienced'.  

No, I'm well aware people are off shagging left right and centre, but just going up to girls and saying "fancy a fuck"? everytime as your opener seems very bizarre behaviour.

Then again, truth is often stranger than fiction.

 

 

[grumpyhack]

My niece was out in Cardiff one evening when she met Gerrit.  He was a South African rugby player who was out celebrating the last match of a UK tour.

Earlier in the evening Gerrit, whose first language was Africaans and who had very little knowledge of colloquial English, had met some other girls in a club and had politely gone up to them, offered to shake their hands and said: "Good evening, my name is Gerrit, would you like a drink?"

The girls burst out laughing at his polite, rather old fashioned approach.  So he asked them what a man should say in English when he met a girl, so they told him.

Later on he met my niece and, remembering what the girls had said, he went up to her, smiled and asked: "Would you like a bonk?"

Becky, my niece, was aghast and explained to Gerrit just what he'd said.

However it proved to be a great chat up line.  They ended up going off and having a pizza and exchanging addresses.

Gerrit flew back to South Africa the next day but returned six weeks later for Becky's birthday.  It proved to be true love.  They ended up marrying and have been happily together now for 15 years.

So, "Would you like a bonk?" proved to be a really effective chat up line.

[russycarps]

although... what sort of club attracts women who positively laugh at the idea of a guy simply asking if a girl wants a drink rather than asking if they want a bonk?

I feel so naive at times!

I must be as naive as you....what's wrong with asking a girl if she wants a drink as an approach?

[eFestivals]

i met a couple of guys in Sweden once, and one of them was telling me how many women his mate ended up sleeping with when he went out. Now, I'm not particularly impressed but curious as to how it happened.  He said he simply went up to women and asked them if they wanted to go to bed with him. Half the time he'd get a slap in the face, but the rest of the time, they were happy to take him up on his offer....

I'm not sure what that says about anything. . ...? 

there was a slimy guy I knew 30+ years ago who used this method, and it worked pretty much as you said - tho he reckoned it was about a 5% to 10% success rate. To get that success rate tho he couldn't be too choosy with who he tried it on.

Edited November 3, 2015 by eFestivals

[gary1979666]

I must be as naive as you....what's wrong with asking a girl if she wants a drink as an approach?

I worry that if anything were to happen with my marriage, I wouldn't even know where to begin with the dating scene!

[russycarps]

I worry that if anything were to happen with my marriage, I wouldn't even know where to begin with the dating scene!

my single friends seem to get their leg over a lot using dating apps. People meet for sex then never contact each other again. Most of the people (at the age my friends are looking, late 30s- mid 40s) are emotionally damaged and have a drinking problem, if my friends are to be believed (they also fall into this category and they'd be the first to admit it!)

 

[kaosmark2]

The issue of men being groped cant possibly be ranked alongside a woman being groped can it?

While I cant recall ever having been groped randomly (unlike you hunks it seems), if it did happen it may well be unwanted and an invasion of my personal space, but that's about as far as it goes. There would be no sinister threat that things could escalate further. (Unless you're being mauled by a pack of women I suppose).

Whereas a woman being groped by a man surely immediately feels far more vulnerable and probably wonders whether things could escalate to rape.

I reckon anyway.

 

I never suggested it did. I said it made me feel uncomfortable, not that it made me feel particularly threatened. 

[grumpyhack]

although... what sort of club attracts women who positively laugh at the idea of a guy simply asking if a girl wants a drink rather than asking if they want a bonk?

I feel so naive at times!

It wasn't so much him asking if they wanted a drink, but the way he did it - going up to them very formally, bowing slightly, offering to shake their hands and introducing himself with: "Good evening, my name is Gerrit, I'm very pleased to meet you..."  I think if someone approached in that way quite a few people would be surprised.

(woop, woop - 8,000th post)

 

[gary1979666]

my single friends seem to get their leg over a lot using dating apps. People meet for sex then never contact each other again. 

 

I worry nothing's going to go wrong with my marriage...

[eFestivals]

I worry nothing's going to go wrong with my marriage...

:lol:

[russycarps]

I worry nothing's going to go wrong with my marriage...

 

I tried to make it sound like a sordid and lonely lifestyle, but it actually sounds fucking brilliant doesnt it!

edit: do smileys no longer work??

edit2: seems they start working after an edit, strange

Edited November 3, 2015 by russycarps

[feral chile]

The issue of men being groped cant possibly be ranked alongside a woman being groped can it?

While I cant recall ever having been groped randomly (unlike you hunks it seems), if it did happen it may well be unwanted and an invasion of my personal space, but that's about as far as it goes. There would be no sinister threat that things could escalate further. (Unless you're being mauled by a pack of women I suppose).

Whereas a woman being groped by a man surely immediately feels far more vulnerable and probably wonders whether things could escalate to rape.

I reckon anyway.

Women would be socialised into feeling fear, whether that particular circumstance warranted it or not. I had a bit of a misunderstanding with a colleague, and despite the fact that I wasn't in any real risk, I felt frightened. it was only later that I could rationalise it.

 

[feral chile]

although... what sort of club attracts women who positively laugh at the idea of a guy simply asking if a girl wants a drink rather than asking if they want a bonk?

I feel so naive at times!

couighcardiffonescough

[lost]

As a youth after one of my friends had a brief argument with a women she grabbed his package and then made the "small penis" sign to the rest of the bar with her little finger. It was during that period when the ladette was in fashion.. 

[eFestivals]

36 minutes ago, tonyblair said:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-34904705

for those who were under the impression that child abuse wasn't especially rife

I don't remember anyone saying that....?

[feral chile]

I got the impression that some were surprised how commonplace it was.

I saw something of this on TV today - I wouldn't like to be a teacher having to report it, if you had, say, a family with a few kids in your school, and it involved a close family member.

 

[eFestivals]

26 minutes ago, feral chile said:

I got the impression that some were surprised how commonplace it was.

I saw something of this on TV today - I wouldn't like to be a teacher having to report it, if you had, say, a family with a few kids in your school, and it involved a close family member.

 

What's 'commonplace'?

The numbers - whatever they might be in reality - are far too high, but commonplace to me suggests it's more likely than not to be happening in any home. Might you be stretching things a bit far?

We all know it happens, and that most goes unreported, but that things are slowly improving with the reporting of it.

But that doesn't make it 'commonplace'.

For what it's worth I don't think one part of the issue is worse than when I was a kid, and is quite possibly better. There doesn't seem to be as many child abductions (the nasty types, I'm meaning; not parental disputes) as when I was a kid - tho I could be wrong about that, it's merely my perception of things.

The problem is much as it ever was, within the family. That's a tough nut to crack.

 

 

[feral chile]

2 hours ago, eFestivals said:

What's 'commonplace'?

The numbers - whatever they might be in reality - are far too high, but commonplace to me suggests it's more likely than not to be happening in any home. Might you be stretching things a bit far?

We all know it happens, and that most goes unreported, but that things are slowly improving with the reporting of it.

But that doesn't make it 'commonplace'.

For what it's worth I don't think one part of the issue is worse than when I was a kid, and is quite possibly better. There doesn't seem to be as many child abductions (the nasty types, I'm meaning; not parental disputes) as when I was a kid - tho I could be wrong about that, it's merely my perception of things.

The problem is much as it ever was, within the family. That's a tough nut to crack.

 

 

ok maybe that needs rephrasing, to 'happens more often than is commonly thought'. The true figures are unknown, but thought to be about 8 times higher than the official ones.

it's so massively under-reported, particularly when it involves family members, you've got a heady mix of emotions and dynamics going on - normalisation within the family, guilt, shame, loyalty, fear, dependence etc.

 

[eFestivals]

11 hours ago, feral chile said:

ok maybe that needs rephrasing, to 'happens more often than is commonly thought'.

Nope, that's not true either. It's widely acknowledged that the problem is far greater than reports made of it say - and that 'widely acknowledged'  is what's 'commonly thought'.

 

[eFestivals]

3 minutes ago, tonyblair said:

I don't think it's widely acknowledged by most people. That's what the story is saying 

was it a surprise to you? was it a surprise to feral?

If it was, you wouldn't have previously said it was a big problem.

Why do you think others are less informed than you? A super-special cleverness you have, perhaps?

You can find newspaper reports saying exactly the same thing going back for decades. At what point do we stop being 'surprised' at everything saying the same thing again and again and again?

Edited November 25, 2015 by eFestivals

[eFestivals]

3 minutes ago, tonyblair said:

What are you basing that on? And what solace is there in finding out that it's always been worse than most people imagined? 

We don't all know it happens to this extent 

I'm basing it on the defined and correct use of language.

I haven't just found out. Have you?

And who doesn't know it happens to this extent? Can you name them, identify them?

We all know it happens. The problem is that we don't know where it happens, and saying yet again "it;s more widespread than we thought" only shows that the words are vacuous, and detracts from actually zooming in what what we need to.

Edited November 25, 2015 by eFestivals

[eFestivals]

20 minutes ago, tonyblair said:

The extent that this could be going on, up to 450,000 and 85% of incidents not being reported, surprised me

so you were thinking it was smaller while telling others it was bigger? I'm confused, but probably not as much as you.

[eFestivals]

9 minutes ago, tonyblair said:

yea, it's not too complicated. I'd have expected there to be more instances than are reported, but not that many more

so you were expressing your own surprise? Only it didn't sound like that.