Is it normal to get cold feet before uni?

[t8yman]

My daughter last night dropped the bomb that she is doubting wether she wants to go to uni to take up her pediatric nursing course. The course has 800+ applicants for 14 or so places, so she has done very well to get an offer. She is very worried about how she will manage (nurses can't get part time jobs as they are on placement for 1/3 of the time). And she is coming up with many reasons why its a bad idea.

Is this a normal phase of pre uni life?

I'm worried that she may be in the process of dumping an opportunity to make a massive difference to her employment prospects, over what is basically an irrational fear. The course is in London, we live in Yorkshire.

We have tried to reassure her that we will both do everything within our capabilities to support her.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

My daughter last night dropped the bomb that she is doubting wether she wants to go to uni to take up her pediatric nursing course. The course has 800+ applicants for 14 or so places, so she has done very well to get an offer. She is very worried about how she will manage (nurses can't get part time jobs as they are on placement for 1/3 of the time). And she is coming up with many reasons why its a bad idea.

Is this a normal phase of pre uni life?

I'm worried that she may be in the process of dumping an opportunity to make a massive difference to her employment prospects, over what is basically an irrational fear. The course is in London, we live in Yorkshire.

We have tried to reassure her that we will both do everything within our capabilities to support her.

What are the other many reasons why she is saying it's a bad idea?

[russycarps]

how much debt will she be in when she leaves university? I can understand why that would be daunting for people.

Perhaps she is also nervous about leaving her friends and family?

Also, yorkshire to london is quite a large culture shock (no offence to yorkshire....). It's unsurprising she's apprehensive.

as a nurse, when she's qualified she would be welcomed to work in any country in the whole world. That is not something that 99% of jobs provide and should be a massive incentive for her to do the course.

Reassure her that you will pay for a train ticket home any weekend she feels homesick.

Edited February 13, 2015 by russycarps

[russycarps]

I don't think "debt" is the right way of thinking about it. It ends up being more of a extra tax you pay over £21k....

I think a lot of students are getting scared off by the levels of "debt"... I think its helpful to explain to them its more of a tax.

Yep, it would have made me think twice. But as you say, it isnt as much as a hindrance as you'd think in reality. Convincing an 18 year old of that is another matter.

Edited February 13, 2015 by russycarps

[greenfairy43]

Is it Uni she's worried about, or is she having doubts about nursing as a career choice? Or the move to London?

Can she perhaps defer her place for a year & perhaps work in a hospital as a Healthcare assistant? That would give her a chance to try out life working for the NHS, shifts etc whilst earning.

[eFestivals]

back when I was a kid (prehistoric times), people went on to further education as a way of avoiding the big decision of what to do with your life (having to work).

In a different age now when Uni is the norm and what you choose to do at Uni much-decides your future, both my step-daughter and son chose not to do Uni immediately after A-levels as a way of avoiding that big decision.

(step-daughter took a year out doing nothing, and ended up bored enough that she couldn't wait to go to Uni a year later; is now in her final year and heading for a 1st. Son is in last year of A-levels now, and is planning to spend a year doing an art foundation course - tho he's still not got around to actually applying for it).

At a guess, your kid is doing similar, of wanting to avoid a decision that then decides a lot about her future, when she's undecided how she wants her future to be.

What I can't suggest is how best to go at things with your daughter. Too much of how to do that depends on your daughter's character/personality.

[kaosmark2]

Yes. Leaving your friends and family to go and do something intensive and challenging is scary. It's not an irrational fear. Debt, moving, struggling to make friends, culture difference, they're all normal things to be concerned about.

The decision doesn't have to be made for a few months does it?

[TheGayTent]

I think what you choose to study at uni only has really decides your future if it's very specific.

Otherwise, most companies just see a degree as confirmation the individual isn't stupid and more importantly has a certain level of application.

[eFestivals]

I think what you choose to study at uni only has really decides your future if it's very specific.

in the case of nursing, it's that specific.

But even for the more general stuff, it's still a huge life decision for people who haven't ever really taken a big life decision before, so trying to avoid that level of personal commitment is a fairly natural thing to do for anyone that doesn't have a firm idea of where they're going, I'd say.

Otherwise, most companies just see a degree as confirmation the individual isn't stupid and more importantly has a certain level of application.

yup, but that's the situation on the other side of the degree. Most youngsters have trouble with committing to next week, let alone 3+ years down the line.

[t8yman]

What are the other many reasons why she is saying it's a bad idea?

There were a number of things fairly personal to her, I get the feeling that as a recent "new adult" she fears that her social life is going to go from 60-0 when it has just started, and that the demands of being an "on call" nurse pretty much from the start is going to have her basically a slave to the course. She has also started saying that she really doesnt see how she can cope with terminally ill children, and that she was thinking of taking a year out to travel and work. I went through with her that 29 out of out 30 children she will be dealing with will have minor ailments, and she will be instrumental in nursing them back to good health, bumps, bruises, marbles stuck up noses etc.

She is currently doing volunteer work at a primary school and at a private hospital (starts today).

We have lots of family in London, so she will have a support network.

The actual real student "debt" will only be for accom and "living" as the course itself is NHS funded. we are looking at 15k for accom over the 3 yrs, and whatever it costs to live. There is some "nest egg" money available, but she aint blowing that on jollying around the world.

[t8yman]

Yeah thats the point Barry, she isnt going to be dealing with that on a daily basis in a hospital. I need to convince her that doing the course first and then taking a year out would be much wiser. A couple of her friends have failed to get an offer, I imagine they are probably influencing her that they "werent really sure anyway" because they don't have the choice/opportunity.

[LondonTom]

I get the feeling that as a recent "new adult" she fears that her social life is going to go from 60-0 when it has just started, and that the demands of being an "on call" nurse pretty much from the start is going to have her basically a slave to the course.

I don't think thats much to worry about , at least the Nurses I met at Bournemouth all seemed pretty social. (They would dissapear for a few weeks while on placement and hardly be seen granted, but when they wasn't they sure seemed to make up for it!).

I think its fairly normal to get jittery about it/consider if its the right option for you. I went through it on results day, where I got the grades I needed but I had convinced myself I was going to failed and had got used to the idea of my back up choice. After a bit of back and forth, i ended up going with my first choice through clearing! (Missed out on halls doing that to!)

But yeah keep the place for now and as long as possible, but there is nothing wrong with looking and cosidering ay of the other otpions!

Edited February 13, 2015 by LondonTom

[Rufus Gwertigan]

How committed was she about her application for the course? Things on paper may seem good but did she go out of her way to find stuff out? Unfortunately I have met many people that just sort of fell into nursing and absolutely hated it, but they still go through the training as it is still a degree. The worse thing you can do is try to convince her that she should do it.

She does have a number of options, as nursing will always be available to her. She could do a science degree and afterwards many schools offer a 2 year nursing course, or she could still go on a 3 year course but choose somewhere a little cheaper to live.What about a foundation degree in a related subject? There are many other options.

Personally I think a year out is a good idea as well. I feel 18/19 is very young for many student nurses and they need a little life experience. Back in the old days when I trained as a psychiatric nurse I was the youngest at 18 out of a group of 17, with the next youngest at 23.

Edited February 13, 2015 by Rufus Gwertigan

[fred quimby]

Nurses have all the best Parties. Fact

Good luck T8yman. Probably fear of the unknown, with such limited places sounds like she should go for it.

[feral chile]

Does she have the option to defer?

I think you really need to talk to her. You need to try to get to the bottom of her fears.

I insisted my son went, he absolutely hated it and never finished the first year, and still hasn't gone back at 33.

I went myself at 24, I couldn't have coped at 18.

Whichever she chooses, you need to make sure she feels she's chosen it, because if she goes feeling resentful, she won't be in the right frame of mind from the very beginning.

[Katster]

I would reassure her that if it really isn't for her the only way of knowing that is to give it a good try. I'd also question what ideas she has as an alternative.

[eFestivals]

I'd also question what ideas she has as an alternative.

my guess is nothing at all of any real solidity.

It sounds like commitment phobia to me, or a fear of change - which is what I was trying to outline in what I said.

[feral chile]

Is it that she might want to choose a different course subject, or is she afraid of the moving away and becoming independent thing?

The only thing she can do really is look at all her reasons, and work out if they're surmountable or not.

Edited February 13, 2015 by feral chile

[lost]

I'd say it normal. I did the same thing. 18's a funny age you've probably just been handed some new freedoms, I started going out and was part of a little clique at my local rock club, I'd also just got into my first relationship and was expected then to walk away and leave all that behind.

I actually went, a combination of illness and missing everyone made me drop out.. did a shit job for 9 months which then allowed me some context about going back so I wouldn't do it for the rest of my life though then it was only locally. Infact I didn't really get my shit together till I was 23.

If I had the 9k fee's on top and the more globalized work force the kids have today I'd probably gone completely Hikikomori

[DGrant261]

This thread has been a really interesting read I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum I can't wait to leave home and go off to uni (Geography at Leeds fyi) in the summer.

The only thing I find intimidating about the whole experience is money really, as I've never really had to properley manage my money before. This seems as good a place as any to ask about advice about how best to manage your money in the first year What are the do and don't's when you regarding spending and getting the most out of your loan? Any personal experience on how best to spend your money in the first year and how to stay free from debt (Reliance on parents)?

[feral chile]

To start with, I'd say put money away for stuff like rent, or pay in advance, for essentials, before you start spending, because you're likely to go crazy when you get there

[t8yman]

Good news, we both sat and had a good chat with her, she seemed a lot more settled yesterday. I think it was the money thing and the workload thing. She said she was struggling with her workload now (just pre a-level) I explained to her that in real terms, a-levels (or whatever they are called these days) are far harder than a degree, at least they were when I were a lad.

We told her that both sets of grandparents had money squirreled away for her uni, as does her great grandma, and I learned yesterday that we do to! which was a surprise!

I also told her she was vastly underestimating her own abilities, she is more than capable of achieving anything she sets her mind to.

I think she just needed reassurance.

But thanks to all who have contributed, i really did need some different points of view on this - especially from you young 'uns!

Edited February 14, 2015 by t8yman

[Katster]

She will probably have more wobbles along the way but with plenty of support and reassurance will hopefully overcome her insecurities and do as well as it sounds she should.

I would still make sure she has something else to fall back on if she doesn't succeed. Uni is not the be all and end all and there are many routes into care and nursing work.

You've just made me miss my job for the first time since starting my maternity leave. I hope all my other kids are doing ok

Edited February 14, 2015 by Katster

[t8yman]

I didnt realise you were a pediatric nurse Kat?

s'funny, I took her to the Manchester Uni open day, and was really rooting for her to like it, as its my fave city in the country. She really disliked it! Gutted!

She didnt get to sample the delights of a night out though.

She will be fine, I remember 2.5 years ago, when she told us she couldnt possibly handle waitressing. Her boss says she is fantastic. Different job entirely, but shows how self doubt can make you feel. She is a really outgoing confident person too. Strange!

[Katster]

Lol, I'm not. I work in student support with A-level students