Queuing for the Toilet

[markey101]

If there was ever a place to witness awkward and embarrassing sights in a toilet queue, it's got to be a music festival surely. I always wince when I see queues imagining if I was standing in line. But the most cringeworthy thing imaginable happened at London's Waterloo station last night.

For some reason the Gents toilets were unavailable and the only alternative facility available was a single loo, with a queue of about a dozen blokes waiting outside - and a guy about 30 wet himself voluminously standing in the middle of the queue! On the packed station concourse!

It looked like he was on the way home from work, he had a grey suit on (tan-coloured shoes too, so he might have been an estate agent! Just joking!) but he'd probably been for a drink because he made an absolute lake round his feet.

I'll never look at a toilet queue again - festival or not - without that image far from my mind.

[russycarps]

there's loads of pubs 1 minute away from waterloo, and in the station itself, why not just use the toilets in one of those?

[windy_miller]

I always used to use the toilet in the pub in King's Cross, rather than paying 20p to use the public ones.  Alas, the pub is no more.

[frostypaw]

Poor dude... I can only begin to imagine the colour he musta gone

Wonder if he can completely cut Waterloo out of his journeys from this point on for the rest of his life?

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I went to an underground toilet at a train station once (I think it was at York). Anyway, I needed a shit so went along the line of cubicles and they were all engaged - except for the very end trap which had the door very slightly open. I opened the door and there to my surprise was a bloke standing stark bollock naked just looking at me. As you will appreciate I really hadn't expected this to happen. I simply apologised (as one does in such a situation) and legged it out of the toilets. If I remember rightly I had to hold that cack in until I got to Leeds.

[metallimuse]

I have the worst granny bladder after a beer.Never had any issues queing but at a recent festival in Germany coming back in the car getting a lift from a pair of rockers we met that day in the hotel I was so close to pissing myself I was wondering whether it would leave a stain in the car if I did.I was really that close.We pulled into the hotel car park,jumped out of the moving car nearly breaking my ankle and relieved myself there in the car park.

Shameful I know but I have never known an experience like it.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I have the worst granny bladder after a beer.Never had any issues queing but at a recent festival in Germany coming back in the car getting a lift from a pair of rockers we met that day in the hotel I was so close to pissing myself I was wondering whether it would leave a stain in the car if I did.I was really that close.We pulled into the hotel car park,jumped out of the moving car nearly breaking my ankle and relieved myself there in the car park.

Shameful I know but I have never known an experience like it.

 

I know where you are coming from. I once was on a coach trip and needed a piss very badly so started to piss in to an empty Paul Mason carafe of wine bottle. The problem was that I filled it up and had nothing else to piss in to. I held on to that remaining bit of piss (painful) until the coach stopped outside the first pub we were due to visit in Cricklewood. I got off that coach with my lad in my hand pissing. It was such sweet relief - although possibly not to any passers by viewing the spectacle.

Edited August 5, 2015 by Yoghurt on a Stick

[Thearg]

I bet he's never shit in a cup though the amateur.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I bet he's never shit in a cup though the amateur.

 

One of my friends experienced the urgent need for a dump in his folks downstairs bathroom whilst he was completely inebriated and his folks asleep. Unfortunately the downstairs bathroom had no toilet in it, for that was to be found upstairs. So, he shat in the wash hand basin in the bathroom then 'mummified' his shit with kitchen roll from the adjacent kitchen. He then proceeded to carry the mummified shit upstairs where he flushed it down the loo.

 

Oh, by the way, I have a lot of shit stories.

 

 

And no, the irony isn't lost on me.

[frostypaw]

How tall exactly is your friend? The geometry of that is hurting my head

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

He's not that tall - I'd say about 5' 10". He may have got up on tip toes to do it, or possibly got up on the bath and dropped the log from a height. I really don't know as, fortunately, I wasn't there. That said, I think I'll ask him to see if he remembers himself. It was many years ago that the event happened so this quest for more detail may not be successful. Worst case scenario is that I get him to re-enact the scene (he still lives at the same house) so that we can all have a greater understanding. Watch this space.

[gary1979666]

The thing I don't get is the combination of his urgent need and it being wrappable!

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

The thing I don't get is the combination of his urgent need and it being wrappable!

 

My understanding of events is that he shat a solid shit in the sink and then got kitchen paper and wrapped it up so that it could be carried upstairs to the toilet. Not all urgent shits need to be runny ones.

[fred quimby]

My understanding of events is that he shat a solid shit in the sink and then got kitchen paper and wrapped it up so that it could be carried upstairs to the toilet. Not all urgent shits need to be runny ones.

 

 

that chap as one weak ring

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

that chap as one weak ring

 

Fortunately I am unable to confirm or deny this.

 

In all seriousness though have you never had a real sudden urge to do a number 2 which you know is going to be almost as solid as a rock? It's happened to me on numerous occassions throughout my life. Many is the time that I have had to walk to the toilet in an ungainly fashion trying to keep the bugger in.

[fred quimby]

Fortunately I am unable to confirm or deny this.

 

In all seriousness though have you never had a real sudden urge to do a number 2 which you know is going to be almost as solid as a rock? It's happened to me on numerous occassions throughout my life. Many is the time that I have had to walk to the toilet in an ungainly fashion trying to keep the bugger in.

 

I of course know that problem. and I am sure I could walk ungainly from a a downstairs bathroom to an upstairs loo. unless we are talking a large mansion or stairs like an escalator that move very very fast downwards, which I admit would defeat me

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I of course know that problem. and I am sure I could walk ungainly from a a downstairs bathroom to an upstairs loo. unless we are talking a large mansion or stairs like an escalator that move very very fast downwards, which I admit would defeat me

 

I know that he was pissed up at the time but other than that I can't really recall why he carried out the actions that he did. I've already sent him an email asking how he managed to get his turd in to the washhand basin and am awaiting his reply (he doesn't always look at his emails on a daily basis). Once he has responded I will ask him further why he did it in the downstairs bathroom with no toilet rather than go upstairs to the toilet.

 

This isn't the only shit based story I have. Another friend once shat on to an alibaba basket in his bedroom. He was also pissed at the time. I met him and a few other friends the day after in the pub for the hair of the dog. He walked in with something in a black bin liner and asked if anybody knew where he could get a new lid for his alibaba basket. He then regaled the tale of what had happened the night before and then showed us all the shit ridden lid which he had brought with him in the bag to the pub. Nice eh? Anyway, as if that wasn't enough he got pissed again and accidently left the shit stained lid in it's bag in the pub at the end of the night. That must have been a lovely surprise for the landlady to discover.

 

I have two other shit (get it) stories to do with the above lad but fear that you may have already had enough for one day. In fact I have a story about him, his bollocks and a tub of vaseline as well come to think of it.

[frostypaw]

You're excelling yourself today

I've only got one really good shit story and I'm not allowed to tell it ever ever again

[greenfairy43]

Years ago, I was at my then boyfriend's very posh parent's very posh house.

His younger brother, about 11 or so at the time, did a shit of which he was so proud, he fished it out of the loo in a shoe box.

Which he then brought downstairs for us to see!

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Years ago, I was at my then boyfriend's very posh parent's very posh house.

His younger brother, about 11 or so at the time, did a shit of which he was so proud, he fished it out of the loo in a shoe box.

Which he then brought downstairs for us to see!

 

I've had a few of which I've been silently proud of but not once have I ever thought of showing off my handwork. That must have been some impressive shit.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

You just know a forum is going down hill when a topic on having a dump gets 18 replies and this is from a bloke that loves to tell the family about his daily doings. Always the same time through the day as well.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

You missed a golden opportunity to say 'going down the pan' there Rufus.

[markey101]

As amusing as the recent glut of poo posts are ... to take it back to the original Waterloo station guy, if you needed to go so badly that you were seconds away from losing control so gushingly and spectacularly, why would you join a queue?

Maybe he was a stranger to the area and didn't know of any alternatives but even so?

[efcfanwirral]

As amusing as the recent glut of poo posts are ... to take it back to the original Waterloo station guy, if you needed to go so badly that you were seconds away from losing control so gushingly and spectacularly, why would you join a queue?

Maybe he was a stranger to the area and didn't know of any alternatives but even so?

There's always an alternative! Though I suppose in London you are more likely to get arrested than up north!

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

There's always an alternative! Though I suppose in London you are more likely to get arrested than up north!

 

I was thinking the same in that any handy bin would have done the trick.