Queuing for the Toilet

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

As amusing as the recent glut of poo posts are ... to take it back to the original Waterloo station guy, if you needed to go so badly that you were seconds away from losing control so gushingly and spectacularly, why would you join a queue?

 

 

Maybe he was alright at the first point of queing and then experienced a sudden bout of Urge Incontinence.

[feral chile]

In my ill spent youth, we used to hang around with a lad who used to wee while walking along with us. He never broke stride, and I still can't work out how he didn't end up walking into the wee before it landed.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

I know someone who fell into a dirt toilet/latrine. It was very unpleasant. I once knew someone so scared of our Sergeant Major he crapped himself on parade. He simply became known a Shit pants after that.

[markey101]

Maybe he was alright at the first point of queing and then experienced a sudden bout of Urge Incontinence.

Maybe. He wasn't just standing there nonchalantly, though.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Maybe his potty training as a child was so barbaric that it affects him now in adult life. The downside being that he feels that he must use a proper lavatory. That is until he can take the pressure no longer and just explodes sending piss streaming down his legs Niagurally.

 

Maybe he suffers from OCD and feels that he must use a proper toilet. Could be a load of reasons. I guess we'll never know.

[fred quimby]

He could of course have a problem, or he gets his kicks from it

[markey101]

Niagurally.

Have you just invented that word? It's a good 'un!

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Have you just invented that word? It's a good 'un!

 

Afraid not. I heard it used many many years ago and it kind of stuck in my head.

[markey101]

Afraid not. I heard it used many many years ago and it kind of stuck in my head.

HAHA, I daren't ask the context!

It's a cracking word, though.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Well, I did say that I'd get back to you once I'd heard from my friend as to how he was physically able to shit in to a washhand basin. And I just know that you crave this information. So, here's his response;

 

Hello Kev

 

The edge of the sink in question is at about my hip height, so I was able to get my arse over the top and deposit the troublesome stool into it.

 

Hope that clarifies matters.

 

Shaun

 

 

[frostypaw]

I'm impressed by his drunken balance, but somehow none the better for knowing. Still cheers

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Hello frosty

 

I have further news just in. I re-asked him why he didn't just use the toilet and have just received this response;

 

I was in the toiletless downstairs bathroom, after quaffing at the Irish Centre, when all of a sudden, without any real warning, I needed to crap immediately. If I had tried to walk anywhere I knew I would make it in my bags, so the sink was my only choice.

 

Lovely imagery isn't it?

 

Shaun

[markey101]

Thanks. I can sleep tonight, now we know.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Thanks. I can sleep tonight, now we know.

 

Hello markey101

 

I can't help it. I'm a firm believer in 'consumer sovereignty'. The customer is King and all that jazz. As such, I feel it important that we deal with everybody we meet as a 'client'. Earlier, I felt that I wasn't giving people their money's worth with the information that I had provided. Not only that but I had failed to 'add value' to the 'customer' experience - woefully inadequate in this day and age, I'm sure you'll agree? Now I need to ask you a question - Out of 10, would you say that your customer experience was;

 

(1) Very Unsatisfactory.

 

(2) Poor.

 

(3) Fair.

 

(4) Good.

 

(5) Excellent.

 

(6) Mind blowingly fabulous.

 

(7) Making you drool with the same kind of authority that a baby drools with.

 

 

 

 

PS - I haven't really got a clue where all the above came from. It kind of just fell out of my head. I suspect the couple of smokes I had earlier have given me some guidance. Anyway, what I really need to say is don't misread the above as meaning anything untoward. It's just that I went off on an angle and have only just found my way back.

 

Hope you have a fab weekend.

[frostypaw]

(2) Poo.

Fixed that for you

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Fixed that for you

 

Bravo! 

[markey101]

As Len would say ...."seveeern"

[LondonTom]

Years ago, I was at my then boyfriend's very posh parent's very posh house.

His younger brother, about 11 or so at the time, did a shit of which he was so proud, he fished it out of the loo in a shoe box.

Which he then brought downstairs for us to see!

I have to admit, I sometimes get rather proud of a large one or of a particular shape and think about sharing it.

 

Infact I did once at Uni, it looked exactly like a rather large penis, fully anatomically correct...only  a photo mind

 

As amusing as the recent glut of poo posts are ... to take it back to the original Waterloo station guy, if you needed to go so badly that you were seconds away from losing control so gushingly and spectacularly, why would you join a queue?

Maybe he was a stranger to the area and didn't know of any alternatives but even so?

Mhmm thinking about Waterloo, it isn't obvious if you don't know the station/area you might find another toilet or place to hide while you release yourself, especially if it was during rush hour?

Also many a time while drunk, the act of getting near to the toilet/getting in a queue has triggered an extremely urgent need in me all of a sudden!

 

 

Now I need to ask you a question - Out of 10, would you say that your customer experience was;

 

(1) Very Unsatisfactory.

 

(2) Poor.

 

(3) Fair.

 

(4) Good.

 

(5) Excellent.

 

(6) Mind blowingly fabulous.

 

(7) Making you drool with the same kind of authority that a baby drools with.

 

 

I'll go for  a 6, only because a thread about human waste shouldn't be drooled over.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

As Len would say ...."seveeern"

 

markey

 

I have only ever met two Len's before and neither were exactly scrupulous in their moral standing or, probably (I don't actually know) in their pronunciation of 'seveeern'. Who is the Len that you refer to?

[gary1979666]

markey

 

I have only ever met two Len's before and neither were exactly scrupulous in their moral standing or, probably (I don't actually know) in their pronunciation of 'seveeern'. Who is the Len that you refer to?

Yog, if you don't know, then consider it a gift if we don't tell you.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Yog, if you don't know, then consider it a gift if we don't tell you.

 

I really don't know. However, I recognise a good deed when I see one so thank you for not telling me.

[markey101]

Weeing yourself standing waiting in a queue for the toilet.

Without being sexist, isn't that not really a bloke thing?

[Spindles]

I came pretty close at Glastonbury '13, closest I've come in adult life as I awkwardly legged it to the urinals, danced uncomfortably in the certain knowledge that I was holding back an unstoppable tide while I queued for what seemed like an eternity (less than a minute) and feared I was too late even in the mad dash as the gap appeared at the trough, I honestly think that another 2 or 3 seconds and I'd have been a goner.

 

Retelling the story to my son 5 minutes later when I was walking with the swagger of a newly confident man it turned out this was not quite the tale of heroism he wanted to hear.  I live in hope that one day he will look upon my tales of urinary heroics in a better light.

[markey101]

I came pretty close at Glastonbury '13, closest I've come in adult life as I awkwardly legged it to the urinals, danced uncomfortably in the certain knowledge that I was holding back an unstoppable tide while I queued for what seemed like an eternity (less than a minute) and feared I was too late even in the mad dash as the gap appeared at the trough, I honestly think that another 2 or 3 seconds and I'd have been a goner.

 

Retelling the story to my son 5 minutes later when I was walking with the swagger of a newly confident man it turned out this was not quite the tale of heroism he wanted to hear.  I live in hope that one day he will look upon my tales of urinary heroics in a better light.

That made me laugh out loud!

[Spindles]

I know, right?  Yet when I returned to regale my son the response I got was "for fuck's sake, Dad"

 

Kids today...