How do you feel?

[dingbat2]

11 hours ago, MrZigster said:

Thanks. Appreciate your support.

Apparently we will be getting "up to four" visits a day for six weeks, which is a bit better I suppose.

They're kicking her out on Monday. There is no reasoning with them. It's hard to have faith when you feel like you are being fobbed off, but I will try.

Hi Mr Zigster, I feel for you, I want through the same with my Mum nearly two years ago (although she didn't break her hip when she fell)

My Mum was getting weaker and struggling more and more to do things she used to do, it just kept making her more and more depressed as she was always so active and bright when she was younger and know she could sense she was no longer able to do what she used to do. She had a few falls (no serious falls thankfully) and each time she spent a few weeks in hospital followed by respite for a month. She also returned home a few times, and like your Mum, had 4 visits a day for 6 weeks. Her home (she lived on her own) was moved about to put a hospital bed in the living room, with a commode, so she didn't have to go upstairs. We also bought a tri-walker so she could move from one room to another on her own . A hospital isn't allowed to release anyone form hospital until it is deemed safe to do so, so Social Services should do a risk assessment of your house first and put in changes which are need to make your home as safe as possible

Once the 6 weeks were up we paid privately for the 4 visits a day which worked really well for a while as she got to know the regular carers very well which cheered her quite up a bit as she was living on her own, ( we live over 50 miles away) so she didn't really see anyone else each day. The private carers were ace, and not as expensive as I thought, just over £8 for a 1/2 hour visit. And you can pay for hot food to be delivered to you home each day if needed which again isn't very expensive

She carried on getting weaker physically (she is now 90) and her eyesight continued to deteriorate (which I think was worse for her mental health than the physical deterioration) One day the carers called me to say Mum refused to get up, and they couldn't get her up so she went back into hospital, then respite (last Christmas) and then eventually into a care home. She has been there ever since. Physically she is continuing to deteriorate but she is a bit brighter now than she was, I think she has finally accepted that she wont ever return home and to make the most of where she is. She is a loner so doesn't mix, so doesn't get the benefits of social interaction as much as she could, but that's just the way she is.

As I am writing this, it sounds a bit depressing but it isn't meant to be, she is in a much better place now than she was 2 years ago, she is brighter, I know the care home look after her 24/7, we have all accepted she wont be Mum we once knew, and that's the most difficult thing for her and us. We haven't been able to see her since last summer, but call every day or two. I hope all goes well for you and your Mum, its going to be hard but I hope and expect whatever happens will be for the best for you and her

Good luck, and best wishes to you and your Mum

[Crazyfool01]

9 minutes ago, fraybentos1 said:

Sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better in the coming days/weeks. Some positives for you is that we have a way out of this now and hopefully you personally will be vaccinated in the near future!

its a little while away but after my isolation ends I only have 5 days back at work and then ive 2 weeks off so that takes me a little closer to the jab .... things I guess just feel very close for everyone at the moment with the numbers as they are 

[a6l6e6x]

Lost my job today which is a bit of a nightmare, anyone ever had this before? Best way to approach it on applications/interviews?

Still getting a reference from my employer but I suddenly have no streams of income and my savings are far from great

[Simsy]

27 minutes ago, a6l6e6x said:

Lost my job today which is a bit of a nightmare, anyone ever had this before? Best way to approach it on applications/interviews?

Still getting a reference from my employer but I suddenly have no streams of income and my savings are far from great

That's shit. If you've made enough NI contributions in the last few years you should be able to claim jobseekers, or you could try universal credit if you don't have much in savings.

[Kalopsia]

Fucking awful right now.

[Kalopsia]

5 minutes ago, Kalopsia said:

Fucking awful right now.

I can't stop my mind, I just need to sleep but it's spinning out. 

[Kalopsia]

53 minutes ago, Kalopsia said:

I can't stop my mind, I just need to sleep but it's spinning out. 

https://youtu.be/pB8_8tsmg2Y

[vintagelaureate]

On 1/8/2021 at 11:33 PM, a6l6e6x said:

Lost my job today which is a bit of a nightmare, anyone ever had this before? Best way to approach it on applications/interviews?

Still getting a reference from my employer but I suddenly have no streams of income and my savings are far from great

Crap news that - hopefully something comes up. The way you approach it depends on the reason why - and I'm not asking - but there are ways of dressing any reason up. If you need any advice, drop me a message. Good luck. 

8 hours ago, Kalopsia said:

Fucking awful right now.

Hope you're okay mate.

[Guest]

8 hours ago, Kalopsia said:

Fucking awful right now.

What’s up mate, need to talk? We could play a video game online if you wanted to chill out and get a few of us together.

 

My new mug makes me smile 😃 

[Crazyfool01]

12 minutes ago, Ozanne said:

My new mug makes me smile 😃 

never thought Id see the day when you called  Starmer a mug 🙂 

[morph100]

On 1/8/2021 at 11:33 PM, a6l6e6x said:

Lost my job today which is a bit of a nightmare, anyone ever had this before? Best way to approach it on applications/interviews?

Still getting a reference from my employer but I suddenly have no streams of income and my savings are far from great

What were you doing and roughly what geographical area? Best to post out you are job hunting on here, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. I see lots of people getting jobs this was through friends of friends!

 

 

[Guest]

5 minutes ago, crazyfool1 said:

never thought Id see the day when you called  Starmer a mug 🙂 

Wheeyyy.

The mug/coaster were a Christmas present from one of my sisters.

How are you feeling?

[Crazyfool01]

Just now, Ozanne said:

Wheeyyy.

The mug/coaster were a Christmas present from one of my sisters.

How are you feeling?

cant think where they got the inspiration from 🙂 .... dissapointed  you dont own one already .... all fine here ....wen test result is back i will be even more better 🙂 

[Kalopsia]

1 hour ago, vintagelaureate said:

 Hope you're okay mate.

 

39 minutes ago, Ozanne said:

What’s up mate, need to talk? We could play a video game online if you wanted to chill out and get a few of us together.

 

My new mug makes me smile 😃 

Thanks both, 3/4 nights I've slept less than 30 minutes despite running about 30km and work out, feel so fragile right now. 

Ps love the mug and video games would be so fun, ps4? 

[Guest]

15 minutes ago, Kalopsia said:

 

Thanks both, 3/4 nights I've slept less than 30 minutes despite running about 30km and work out, feel so fragile right now. 

Ps love the mug and video games would be so fun, ps4? 

Is there anything on your mind that's keep you awake?

I'm on PS5 so yeah that works. If there's a few of us we could do Among Us? My PSN username is my forum name on here.

[Guest]

I hope everyone’s doing ok on this Monday morning ❤️

[Tartan_Glasto]

Felt particularly anxious this morning, couldn't shake it. One of those mornings where you're standing in the shower and thinking you could easily cry if you just let yourself. 

I'm just done with the whole working from home thing having been doing it since March. I know there are people who'd love to be in my position because at least I have a job, but I just struggle with it. 

My partner left his retail job in June while he was furloughed to go work for his family business so not only does he get out the house every day for that he gets to see his family everyday and I wish I had that. I keep dropping hints about me getting a job there but don't think they're in a position to take on new people as they may have to make redundancies at some point. 

I'm just having an off day. 

[Wellyboot]

4 minutes ago, Tartan_Glasto said:

Felt particularly anxious this morning, couldn't shake it. One of those mornings where you're standing in the shower and thinking you could easily cry if you just let yourself. 

I'm just done with the whole working from home thing having been doing it since March. I know there are people who'd love to be in my position because at least I have a job, but I just struggle with it. 

My partner left his retail job in June while he was furloughed to go work for his family business so not only does he get out the house every day for that he gets to see his family everyday and I wish I had that. I keep dropping hints about me getting a job there but don't think they're in a position to take on new people as they may have to make redundancies at some point. 

I'm just having an off day. 

Snap. I'm so stressed at the moment, my anxiety is completely taking over, cant sleep, dont wanna eat.. For different reasons to yourself tho.

It must be hard feeling like you're stuck at home all the time if it's not what you want to do. I know it's so easy for someone else to say to you 'oh it'll get better, its not forever, hang on in there' etc but it will get better, it has to! I know it's made worse for you with your partner getting out and about every day, but it cant be like this forever things have to start looking up soon.

It's ok to have off days, and its ok to feel however you feel. Do whatever you feel like you need to do! If you wanna cry then cry!! Sometimes just letting it out makes you feel a little better. If you want to just lay down and do nothing for an hour then do it!! You'll get there, just make sure you look after yourself. Sending love your way 

[funkychick2007]

@Wellyboot have run out of reactions! Such lovely support and meaningful words! 
Everybody needs to be kind to themselves!! 💖

[Wellyboot]

3 minutes ago, funkychick2007 said:

@Wellyboot have run out of reactions! Such lovely support and meaningful words! 
Everybody needs to be kind to themselves!! 💖

They do ❤️❤️ x

[Tartan_Glasto]

25 minutes ago, Wellyboot said:

Snap. I'm so stressed at the moment, my anxiety is completely taking over, cant sleep, dont wanna eat.. For different reasons to yourself tho.

It must be hard feeling like you're stuck at home all the time if it's not what you want to do. I know it's so easy for someone else to say to you 'oh it'll get better, its not forever, hang on in there' etc but it will get better, it has to! I know it's made worse for you with your partner getting out and about every day, but it cant be like this forever things have to start looking up soon.

It's ok to have off days, and its ok to feel however you feel. Do whatever you feel like you need to do! If you wanna cry then cry!! Sometimes just letting it out makes you feel a little better. If you want to just lay down and do nothing for an hour then do it!! You'll get there, just make sure you look after yourself. Sending love your way 

Thank you 🙂 Sometimes just typing it out on here is enough to make me feel a bit better and then replies like yours to remind me I'm not being melodramatic and shit is hard just now.

[Wellyboot]

Just now, Tartan_Glasto said:

Thank you 🙂 Sometimes just typing it out on here is enough to make me feel a bit better and then replies like yours to remind me I'm not being melodramatic and shit is hard just now.

You really arent, everything is so, so difficult atm. Things that wouldnt normally bother you do now, and things that would usually be hard to deal with are really, really hard! 

However you feel, it's ok to feel that way!! Looking after yourself is the most important thing!! And keep on posting, get it off your chest! If you ever need to chat, then please please do! It will get better, just might take a little bit more time yet x

[balti-pie]

7 minutes ago, Tartan_Glasto said:

Thank you 🙂 Sometimes just typing it out on here is enough to make me feel a bit better and then replies like yours to remind me I'm not being melodramatic and shit is hard just now.

if typing it out is helping you, then i want you to know that reading how other people feel the same as me - frustrated, annoyed, tired, miserable, is helping me too 🤘 everything is shit, and its hard. But there's lots of us feeling the same way, and you most definitely aren't alone. elbow bumps to you!

[MrZigster]

On 1/8/2021 at 8:54 AM, Wellyboot said:

I'm so sorry to hear about mum, it must be so hard for you and especially when you feel like you cant get through to them and they aren't listening to you. That's frustrating and can drag you down. But i really hope things get a bit easier / better for you both soon 

I really hope you're ok, I know its easier said than done, but try and keep positive. Love to you and your mum 

Thank you. It's not so much that they aren't listening to me. It's more the nonsense and being misinformed. I was initially told that she could be there for up to three months and that she would be getting physio every day until match fit as it were and this clearly hasn't happened.

I was told by her physio on Thursday that, "we're going to try her with a stick today". What? So you mean you've made the decision to send her home and you don't even know if she can walk with a stick yet? Do you not see how wrong way 'round that is? They continually obfuscated and tried to change the subject but I would not let this lie and was passed to the Ward Manager.

They were all unicorns and rainbows and reassurances that this is all perfectly normal and procedural. Like they've heard it all before. A big part of my job involves spotting inconsistencies and attempts to avoid answering questions etc., and my spidey senses start tingling when it's bloody obvious that people are being a bit bullshitty with me. Not much I can do in this situation it would seem. It's their job They're the professionals and they're the ones in charge here.

I really hope my paranoid brain is over reacting about the worse case scenario here and that mum is actually going to be a lot more able than I am imagining.

The fact that they're insisting on a commode has really scared the shit out of me.

On 1/8/2021 at 10:26 AM, dingbat2 said:

Hi Mr Zigster, I feel for you, I want through the same with my Mum nearly two years ago (although she didn't break her hip when she fell)

My Mum was getting weaker and struggling more and more to do things she used to do, it just kept making her more and more depressed as she was always so active and bright when she was younger and know she could sense she was no longer able to do what she used to do. She had a few falls (no serious falls thankfully) and each time she spent a few weeks in hospital followed by respite for a month. She also returned home a few times, and like your Mum, had 4 visits a day for 6 weeks. Her home (she lived on her own) was moved about to put a hospital bed in the living room, with a commode, so she didn't have to go upstairs. We also bought a tri-walker so she could move from one room to another on her own . A hospital isn't allowed to release anyone form hospital until it is deemed safe to do so, so Social Services should do a risk assessment of your house first and put in changes which are need to make your home as safe as possible

Once the 6 weeks were up we paid privately for the 4 visits a day which worked really well for a while as she got to know the regular carers very well which cheered her quite up a bit as she was living on her own, ( we live over 50 miles away) so she didn't really see anyone else each day. The private carers were ace, and not as expensive as I thought, just over £8 for a 1/2 hour visit. And you can pay for hot food to be delivered to you home each day if needed which again isn't very expensive

She carried on getting weaker physically (she is now 90) and her eyesight continued to deteriorate (which I think was worse for her mental health than the physical deterioration) One day the carers called me to say Mum refused to get up, and they couldn't get her up so she went back into hospital, then respite (last Christmas) and then eventually into a care home. She has been there ever since. Physically she is continuing to deteriorate but she is a bit brighter now than she was, I think she has finally accepted that she wont ever return home and to make the most of where she is. She is a loner so doesn't mix, so doesn't get the benefits of social interaction as much as she could, but that's just the way she is.

As I am writing this, it sounds a bit depressing but it isn't meant to be, she is in a much better place now than she was 2 years ago, she is brighter, I know the care home look after her 24/7, we have all accepted she wont be Mum we once knew, and that's the most difficult thing for her and us. We haven't been able to see her since last summer, but call every day or two. I hope all goes well for you and your Mum, its going to be hard but I hope and expect whatever happens will be for the best for you and her

Good luck, and best wishes to you and your Mum

Thank you. Sorry about your mum.

They're supposed to be delivering stair rails etc. today. As you pointed out, I thought they were supposed to come 'round and do an assessment first. I'm not sure how they think they can do that remotely.

I was assured that the decision (to send her home) would have been the same even if she lived on her own. However, after putting the phone down, it occurred to me that my mother would never have granted permission for anyone to enter her house whilst not there to install handrails etc.. She won't let anyone do anything to help her help herself around the house. Handrails have been suggested before, only to be met with screams of "but it's my house..." every time. I'm not sure if she's aware they are being installed (I agreed as I think they are obviously a good idea). I can see her getting home and feeling that her home has been vandalised without her consent. I can't see her agreeing to moving stuff downstairs either. So despite their reassurances I do feel that they are taking advantage of the fact that I live here also. But if I'm at work I'm at least two and a half hours away.

Still can't believe that it's deemed OK to send someone home who apparently can't really do bathroom stuff independently and is not sure if she can manage stairs. 

I'm all for paying for care as long as it is appropriate and affordable. Did your mother own her house? The thought (entirely selfish I know) that, if long term care is needed, she will be expected to sell the house and I will end up homeless is driving me mad. The thought of having to uproot at my age. There must be another way to pay for things surely?

[dingbat2]

6 minutes ago, MrZigster said:

I'm all for paying for care as long as it is appropriate and affordable. Did your mother own her house? The thought (entirely selfish I know) that, if long term care is needed, she will be expected to sell the house and I will end up homeless is driving me mad. The thought of having to uproot at my age. There must be another way to pay for things surely?

My Mum does pay for her care out of her savings and does own her own home. Fortunately for her she receives a half decent pension meaning she 'only' eats into her life-long savings by about £1500 per month. But she does need to sell the house soon as it is lying empty so starting to deteriorate - boiler broke last week, which she finds very difficult to contemplate having lived there for over 50 years

I think there are potentially ways to avoid having to sell the house, called deferred payment agreements, which mean you/she can continue to live in the house but the council takes a legal charge over the property so that any care costs come out of the estate when she passes away: https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/paying-for-care/paying-for-a-care-home/do-i-have-to-sell-my-home-to-pay-for-care/

You should speak to Social Services and the Department for Work and Pensions. Social Services were really helpful with my Mum, and can advise on what can and cant be done, as well as all the financial benefits you/she could be entitled to, carers allowance, attendance allowance, disability allowance, etc which can help quite a lot. Age UK are a good website as well for information