How do you feel?

[gigpusher]

Thanks @funkychick2007@vintagelaureate @WestCountryGirl @Zoo Music Girl I made the decision yesterday that I wouldn't be going to the funeral because at the moment all that's allowed is the ceremony (which will be religious because that's what my mother would choose) and my brother wasn't at all religious and neither am I. I always find the healing part about funerals is the bit after where you get together and chat and that bit is not allowed at the moment anyway. My other siblings and my niece have been sharing photos and memories so that will have to do for now. Hopefully soon we can all meet up and do something. 

[Zoo Music Girl]

5 hours ago, gigpusher said:

Thanks @funkychick2007@vintagelaureate @WestCountryGirl @Zoo Music Girl I made the decision yesterday that I wouldn't be going to the funeral because at the moment all that's allowed is the ceremony (which will be religious because that's what my mother would choose) and my brother wasn't at all religious and neither am I. I always find the healing part about funerals is the bit after where you get together and chat and that bit is not allowed at the moment anyway. My other siblings and my niece have been sharing photos and memories so that will have to do for now. Hopefully soon we can all meet up and do something. 

I can totally understand that. I think it will be good to do as you say and all get together for a memorial/wake at a later stage. It's definitely part of the healing process.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

20 hours ago, gigpusher said:

Thanks @funkychick2007@vintagelaureate @WestCountryGirl @Zoo Music Girl I made the decision yesterday that I wouldn't be going to the funeral because at the moment all that's allowed is the ceremony (which will be religious because that's what my mother would choose) and my brother wasn't at all religious and neither am I. I always find the healing part about funerals is the bit after where you get together and chat and that bit is not allowed at the moment anyway. My other siblings and my niece have been sharing photos and memories so that will have to do for now. Hopefully soon we can all meet up and do something. 

I went to my dad's funeral on the 29th December just gone. I'd like to say it meant something, but in reality it meant nothing at all. I don't know why I went really. Possibly to not let my mom down. However, she is 'gone' with dementia now, so not even sure about that. Maybe it's to do with tradition, maybe it's just what's expected within my family - both immediate and into the far distance. Just don't know, but really do wonder if I'd attend again if I were to be able to go back in time, albeit briefly. 

Unlike you though, I had no love for my father like you had / have for your brother. And him ( my dad) me. Ho hum!

 

 

 

[Quark]

On 2/14/2021 at 8:46 PM, gigpusher said:

My brother passed away on Friday night just 3 and a half months after his diagnosis. I'm grateful he didn't have to suffer long but gutted that I never got to say goodbye and that he was just too weak to communicate in the last few weeks. 

So sorry to hear that GP. Condolences to you and your family x

[gigpusher]

4 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

I went to my dad's funeral on the 29th December just gone. I'd like to say it meant something, but in reality it meant nothing at all. I don't know why I went really. Possibly to not let my mom down. However, she is 'gone' with dementia now, so not even sure about that. Maybe it's to do with tradition, maybe it's just what's expected within my family - both immediate and into the far distance. Just don't know, but really do wonder if I'd attend again if I were to be able to go back in time, albeit briefly. 

Unlike you though, I had no love for my father like you had / have for your brother. And him ( my dad) me. Ho hum!

 

 

 

Yes my issue is that I have the same relationship with my mother that you had with your Dad and she thrives on drama and fighting. There's only 10 allowed and it's in Ireland so getting back at the moment would be really problematic. I know for certain my brother would understand and if the situation was reversed he'd probably make the same decision. For me the healing part of funerals is the bit after where you all hug and share memories and that bit won't be happening anyway. Hopefully it can at another time. 

[gigpusher]

10 minutes ago, Quark said:

So sorry to hear that GP. Condolences to you and your family x

Thanks. 

[Homer]

8 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

I went to my dad's funeral on the 29th December just gone. I'd like to say it meant something, but in reality it meant nothing at all. I don't know why I went really. Possibly to not let my mom down. However, she is 'gone' with dementia now, so not even sure about that. Maybe it's to do with tradition, maybe it's just what's expected within my family - both immediate and into the far distance. Just don't know, but really do wonder if I'd attend again if I were to be able to go back in time, albeit briefly. 

Unlike you though, I had no love for my father like you had / have for your brother. And him ( my dad) me. Ho hum!

 

 

 

Good for you though. Sounds very trying but kudos to you for being the bigger person.

[Gilgamesh69]

Incredibly anxious. Finally (re)submitted my uni application today. Deadline is march 5th, then they say all applicants will be contacted within 2 weeks.  A few people have told me my personal statement is really good, and I fit a load of criteria for what they're looking for but... I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them smashed. Only 50 places available I think, so seems quite competitive. I'm just glad i'll (hopefully) find out soon....

 

 

p.s. @gigpusher im sorry for your loss, sending you love x

Edited February 18, 2021 by Gilgamesh69

[gigpusher]

24 minutes ago, Gilgamesh69 said:

Incredibly anxious. Finally (re)submitted my uni application today. Deadline is march 5th, then they say all applicants will be contacted within 2 weeks.  A few people have told me my personal statement is really good, and I fit a load of criteria for what they're looking for but... I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them smashed. Only 50 places available I think, so seems quite competitive. I'm just glad i'll (hopefully) find out soon....

 

 

p.s. @gigpusher im sorry for your loss, sending you love x

Thanks and best of luck with your application. 

[funkychick2007]

Good luck with the uni application!! 
👍🏻

[gigpusher]

Very weird thoughts on how fleeting life is today. Can't stop thinking that this time last week my brother was still alive and yet now he's dead, funeral has happened and life just carries on. I've had a few less productive days at work but not had any actual time off. Next week one of my dogs goes in for her surgery so I have a few days off then. I'll be honest I think I need them. 

Some of my friends have been really good sending cards and flowers and checking in on me every few days but I've been amazed that in these COVID times some people have just replied to my Facebook status and nothing else. Not even a private message to ask am I ok. I get that people don't like to talk about death etc but makes me wonder just how bad the mental health toll of this pandemic is going to be. 

[funkychick2007]

@gigpusher Im glad your taking a few days off!! Hope all goes well with the dog! 
Yes its strange in these times how some people respond Its slightly confusing as i think alot of people are just lost in whats going on in their household!! Look after yourself!!! 

[oneeye]

Something to hopefully bring a smile on a damp Sunday morning, loving the positive vibe the microwave is giving off 😄😘

[guypjfreak]

Shit.. 

[funkychick2007]

39 minutes ago, guypjfreak said:

Shit.. 

too many snails.....

[oneeye]

39 minutes ago, funkychick2007 said:

too many snails.....

Feeling a little sluggish 

[guypjfreak]

Haaaaaaaaa haaa haaaa now everyone's a comedian.... Nooo I've been chatting to a fr who's dad's was on the way out.. Just texted him an hour ago and he gone..... Not covid but in this covid it makes for a shitty funeral.. 

Life just seems shit at the moment... 

[funkychick2007]

Yes so many people losing people which is bad enough but heartbreaking they cant say goodbye as they would wish too!! I was thinking about my friend who died and what kept her spirits up at the end was planning the wake afterwards!!!! Hopefully you can find a way to give your friend a good send off! 
 

[gigpusher]

On 2/19/2021 at 6:56 PM, funkychick2007 said:

@gigpusher Im glad your taking a few days off!! Hope all goes well with the dog! 
Yes its strange in these times how some people respond Its slightly confusing as i think alot of people are just lost in whats going on in their household!! Look after yourself!!! 

Thanks and yes you're right I think a lot of people are just aught up in how bad they are feeling as well although it's now a week and a half since my brother died and my mother in law who basically lives on Facebook hasn't said a thing not even to my husband. She was the same when my Gran died. Don't think I'm going to forget her behaviour this time in a hurry. 

[gigpusher]

My dog Nuala known in our house as Queen Nuala the ruler has gone in for her first cruciate ligament surgery today. She was predictably a total diva leaving me feeling absolutely awful this morning so if everyone could send healing thoughts and calming spells for crazy dogs to help me manage her recovery that would be lovely. 

[Quark]

27 minutes ago, gigpusher said:

My dog Nuala known in our house as Queen Nuala the ruler has gone in for her first cruciate ligament surgery today. She was predictably a total diva leaving me feeling absolutely awful this morning so if everyone could send healing thoughts and calming spells for crazy dogs to help me manage her recovery that would be lovely. 

Everything about that picture is glorious. Yaaass Queen.

[Funkyfairy!]

On 2/19/2021 at 9:58 AM, gigpusher said:

Very weird thoughts on how fleeting life is today. Can't stop thinking that this time last week my brother was still alive and yet now he's dead, funeral has happened and life just carries on. I've had a few less productive days at work but not had any actual time off. Next week one of my dogs goes in for her surgery so I have a few days off then. I'll be honest I think I need them. 

Some of my friends have been really good sending cards and flowers and checking in on me every few days but I've been amazed that in these COVID times some people have just replied to my Facebook status and nothing else. Not even a private message to ask am I ok. I get that people don't like to talk about death etc but makes me wonder just how bad the mental health toll of this pandemic is going to be. 

Take some time , all the time you need, its a really really strange time for sure.  People are also wrapped up in themselves and struggling with their own emotions and truely don;t know how to deal with death

My Dad passed away last October and coming out of the hospital felt really wierd, as life was so 'normal' yet it was far from normal for me, and I had a funeral to arrange etc to keep me busy.  I think you realise the sun keeps coming up and going down and we accept that and that life will never quite be the same again as there's something missing

Sending you hugs, hope the surgery for your dog goes well and take the time, all the time you need , take some time off - go out for a walk, clear your head and process whats gone on the last few weeks/months - take care of yourself xxx

[gigpusher]

3 hours ago, Quark said:

Everything about that picture is glorious. Yaaass Queen.

The Queen is in recovery! Going to pick her up at 5pm and get used to her acting the total diva for the next god knows how many months. 

2 hours ago, Funkyfairy! said:

Take some time , all the time you need, its a really really strange time for sure.  People are also wrapped up in themselves and struggling with their own emotions and truely don;t know how to deal with death

My Dad passed away last October and coming out of the hospital felt really wierd, as life was so 'normal' yet it was far from normal for me, and I had a funeral to arrange etc to keep me busy.  I think you realise the sun keeps coming up and going down and we accept that and that life will never quite be the same again as there's something missing

Sending you hugs, hope the surgery for your dog goes well and take the time, all the time you need , take some time off - go out for a walk, clear your head and process whats gone on the last few weeks/months - take care of yourself xxx

Yes I've had lots of losses before but normally the funeral process and just seeing people all the time helps you through it. Not seeing people and having lots of people using that as a get out of doing the bare minimum has definitely made this worse. 

[august1]

On 2/19/2021 at 9:58 AM, gigpusher said:

Very weird thoughts on how fleeting life is today. Can't stop thinking that this time last week my brother was still alive and yet now he's dead, funeral has happened and life just carries on. I've had a few less productive days at work but not had any actual time off. Next week one of my dogs goes in for her surgery so I have a few days off then. I'll be honest I think I need them. 

Some of my friends have been really good sending cards and flowers and checking in on me every few days but I've been amazed that in these COVID times some people have just replied to my Facebook status and nothing else. Not even a private message to ask am I ok. I get that people don't like to talk about death etc but makes me wonder just how bad the mental health toll of this pandemic is going to be. 

I lost my dad in November and surprisingly few people have checked in with me since. The ones who ask how are you soon disappear when I told them straight rather than 'fine'. We are rubbish at dealing with death and I would put myself in that category before this happened to me, hopefully I can help others in the future.

I wanted to have a big celebration of life for my dad post covid restrictions to make up for the limited funeral but it already feels like everyone else has gotten on with their lives.

Everyone is getting excited about the reopening, but I'm dreading going places/doing things we usually would without him. After not being able to grieve properly, feels like there will be a lot of delayed grief to come.

Must be a shitload of mental health issues behind closed doors at the moment.

[gigpusher]

30 minutes ago, august1 said:

I lost my dad in November and surprisingly few people have checked in with me since. The ones who ask how are you soon disappear when I told them straight rather than 'fine'. We are rubbish at dealing with death and I would put myself in that category before this happened to me, hopefully I can help others in the future.

I wanted to have a big celebration of life for my dad post covid restrictions to make up for the limited funeral but it already feels like everyone else has gotten on with their lives.

Everyone is getting excited about the reopening, but I'm dreading going places/doing things we usually would without him. After not being able to grieve properly, feels like there will be a lot of delayed grief to come.

Must be a shitload of mental health issues behind closed doors at the moment.

Yes I think that was what I was getting at. I'll be ok as I am good at talking about my feelings (apart from a lot of resentment towards certain people mainly my mother in law who still hasn't even just said Sorry or even just clicked the bloody hug emoticon on Facebook. She's only known me for 27 years!!) but I am aware that I am the tip of the iceberg and that there will be people who will try and bury it and it will come out at some point. I've had losses before and started from a relatively young age so I think it taught me the kind of empathy needed in these circumstances. I'd always rather say the wrong thing than nothing. I think a lot of people might think someone else will be talking to you and it can mean that actually you end up feeling quite alone. I've been making sure to call one of my siblings each day and messaging as well but I can imagine lots aren't. So sorry about your Dad and that it happened at such a bad time. The funeral process is usually a fairly healthy way of dealing with it but the restrictions have made it an empty ceremony. I'd still try and do some kind of celebration at some point maybe his birthday or some other occasion that might mean others will be happy to take the time to reflect and celebrate his life.