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How do you feel?


Matt42

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I feel anxious 

I just wrote a whole thing then.. But deleted it 

Funny old world Init.... I think not seeing a doc for over a year now is starting to show.. I see surgeons and thier mob but a doctor or shrink.. Nope.... Can't see them face to face for love nor money.. So I come here 

Nightmare ah lol 

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3 hours ago, squirrelarmy said:

I’m happy it’s all over and we don’t have to mention the C word again for a long time. 

Me too. Really not a fan of Christmas at the best of times and I actually found this one harder than I thought I would, being the first since losing my mum. Keen to start a new year to be honest. 2021 was a shit one for me, hot on the heels of a shit 2020.

I have started seeing a therapist though (Christmas present to myself), which has been something I've meant to do for years. So will see how that goes.

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5 minutes ago, Zoo Music Girl said:

Me too. Really not a fan of Christmas at the best of times and I actually found this one harder than I thought I would, being the first since losing my mum. Keen to start a new year to be honest. 2021 was a shit one for me, hot on the heels of a shit 2020.

I have started seeing a therapist though (Christmas present to myself), which has been something I've meant to do for years. So will see how that goes.

I had my second one since losing my Mum and there's hope for you for future Christmases...it was actually really nice. We spent it at my dad's and did things a bit differently which helped. Hopefully gives you hope for future Christmases!

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4 hours ago, efcfanwirral said:

I had my second one since losing my Mum and there's hope for you for future Christmases...it was actually really nice. We spent it at my dad's and did things a bit differently which helped. Hopefully gives you hope for future Christmases!

Thank you, that's nice to hear. I'm sorry for your loss too.

We actually spent it with my partner's family as Dad was adamant he didn't want to see anyone or do anything, which has been hard to take. Had some wobbly moments on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day but on the whole we have had a nice time. It's more the internal than the external, if you know what I mean.

Here's to a better 2022.

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6 hours ago, Zoo Music Girl said:

Me too. Really not a fan of Christmas at the best of times and I actually found this one harder than I thought I would, being the first since losing my mum. Keen to start a new year to be honest. 2021 was a shit one for me, hot on the heels of a shit 2020.

I have started seeing a therapist though (Christmas present to myself), which has been something I've meant to do for years. So will see how that goes.

Sorry to hear you have had a rough time well done for giving yourself a Christmas present hopefully the future will be a little brighter for you! 
 

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7 hours ago, guypjfreak said:

I feel anxious 

I just wrote a whole thing then.. But deleted it 

Funny old world Init.... I think not seeing a doc for over a year now is starting to show.. I see surgeons and thier mob but a doctor or shrink.. Nope.... Can't see them face to face for love nor money.. So I come here 

Nightmare ah lol 

This place has got me through alot this year and some great friendships have been made!! 
the virtual meets are lovely to pop in and say hello and stay as long as you like everyone is welcome! 

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1 hour ago, funkychick2007 said:

This place has got me through alot this year and some great friendships have been made!! 
the virtual meets are lovely to pop in and say hello and stay as long as you like everyone is welcome! 

Thanks funkychick2007. 

Yea same here on the getting through bit 

But defo no VR lol 

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  • 3 weeks later...
13 minutes ago, Tartan_Glasto said:

Came through this morning and my dogs had ripped apart a bin bag I had left sitting and it was all over the kitchen floor. I started crying. I feel on an emotional knife edge these days. 

i always think that crying is a wholly useful and positive action to take - its overwhelming emotions leaving your head.

Ok it might feel a bit much, but that stuff has to come out, and you've got it out - this is a good thing! 

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1 hour ago, balti-pie said:

i always think that crying is a wholly useful and positive action to take - its overwhelming emotions leaving your head.

Ok it might feel a bit much, but that stuff has to come out, and you've got it out - this is a good thing! 

I am really bad for holding a lot in instead of just letting it all out when I should. I did feel better after the cry. Still not talking to the dogs though. 

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Feels a bit wrong/indulgent to just be popping into this thread for a bit of catharsis, and not checking in any other time, but here goes anyway. 

Struggling a bit at the moment for a few reasons. 

1 - tiredness, this underpins the others really. Baby Blutarsky, now a toddler really, still DOES NOT sleep. 2-3 hours at a time, 4 if we're lucky. Constantly shattered, which makes it harder to maintain perspective on other things. Often feel a bit irritable. It's even worse from Mrs Blutarsky as she is still breastfeeding so bears the brunt of it at night. I get a few hours in the spare room each night as I'm at work. 

2 - lack of quality time with Mrs B. Largely caused by Baby B not sleeping. We rarely get time together and really struggle for babysitters. The only viable options are my mum and MIL. Example: we have tickets for Caribou tomorrow but my mum has gone skiing, leaving MIL with Baby B for two days in the week, and she doesn't feel able to also have her overnight, which is absolutely fair enough. Result - I'm going to Caribou on my own and meeting a mate. We also have quite a bit going on individually through work and other commitments which takes up a lot of time we would be together. 

3 - finances - cost of living increases including having to feed and clothe another human, clearing a bit of debt, taking the hit of a year long maternity etc means we have very limited disposable income. This is absolutely a first world problem and I recognise that in many ways we're very privileged, but it doesn't change the fact we can't afford to do all the things we'd like to / have been accustomed to. Lifestyle change is hard. 

4 - health - I'm very lucky to have always been naturally fit and healthy and have played a high level of rugby without any significant injuries - last time I missed a game through injury was c2008 and I've played around 400 national league games since then. However, this year I have been struggling with a hip injury which means I can only perform at around 60%. I've still been playing as I can tolerate the pain and frankly (sounding arrogant alert) we don't have other players in my position who are better than me at 60%. It's very frustrating though, to suddenly find you can't do things you used to be able to do with ease. I am frantically rehabbing it but it's proving a very slow process. I was hoping a 4 week break at Christmas would help and thought it had, but re-injured myself in the first game back. 

5 - The G - I have known for a long time that the combination of much of the above and not having a ticket means Glastonbury was never happening for us this year anyway, but it doesn't stop me getting real pangs of regret and longing every time I read something exciting about it. 

At times each of the above makes me feel tearful. Looking at Baby B does as well, as I feel such love and pride for her as she's amazing. It feels so visceral as there's a stark contrast between the happiness I feel looking at her and the slight dissatisfaction I have in almost all other areas. 

I had a really good chat with Mrs B about this yesterday and she feels the same in many respects. 

tl;dr

  • having a baby is hard work and you have to compromise on things. 
  • compromise is hard. 
  • all in all, I know I'm very lucky - thanks for the whinge. 
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44 minutes ago, blutarsky said:

Feels a bit wrong/indulgent to just be popping into this thread for a bit of catharsis, and not checking in any other time, but here goes anyway. 

Struggling a bit at the moment for a few reasons. 

1 - tiredness, this underpins the others really. Baby Blutarsky, now a toddler really, still DOES NOT sleep. 2-3 hours at a time, 4 if we're lucky. Constantly shattered, which makes it harder to maintain perspective on other things. Often feel a bit irritable. It's even worse from Mrs Blutarsky as she is still breastfeeding so bears the brunt of it at night. I get a few hours in the spare room each night as I'm at work. 

2 - lack of quality time with Mrs B. Largely caused by Baby B not sleeping. We rarely get time together and really struggle for babysitters. The only viable options are my mum and MIL. Example: we have tickets for Caribou tomorrow but my mum has gone skiing, leaving MIL with Baby B for two days in the week, and she doesn't feel able to also have her overnight, which is absolutely fair enough. Result - I'm going to Caribou on my own and meeting a mate. We also have quite a bit going on individually through work and other commitments which takes up a lot of time we would be together. 

3 - finances - cost of living increases including having to feed and clothe another human, clearing a bit of debt, taking the hit of a year long maternity etc means we have very limited disposable income. This is absolutely a first world problem and I recognise that in many ways we're very privileged, but it doesn't change the fact we can't afford to do all the things we'd like to / have been accustomed to. Lifestyle change is hard. 

4 - health - I'm very lucky to have always been naturally fit and healthy and have played a high level of rugby without any significant injuries - last time I missed a game through injury was c2008 and I've played around 400 national league games since then. However, this year I have been struggling with a hip injury which means I can only perform at around 60%. I've still been playing as I can tolerate the pain and frankly (sounding arrogant alert) we don't have other players in my position who are better than me at 60%. It's very frustrating though, to suddenly find you can't do things you used to be able to do with ease. I am frantically rehabbing it but it's proving a very slow process. I was hoping a 4 week break at Christmas would help and thought it had, but re-injured myself in the first game back. 

5 - The G - I have known for a long time that the combination of much of the above and not having a ticket means Glastonbury was never happening for us this year anyway, but it doesn't stop me getting real pangs of regret and longing every time I read something exciting about it. 

At times each of the above makes me feel tearful. Looking at Baby B does as well, as I feel such love and pride for her as she's amazing. It feels so visceral as there's a stark contrast between the happiness I feel looking at her and the slight dissatisfaction I have in almost all other areas. 

I had a really good chat with Mrs B about this yesterday and she feels the same in many respects. 

tl;dr

  • having a baby is hard work and you have to compromise on things. 
  • compromise is hard. 
  • all in all, I know I'm very lucky - thanks for the whinge. 

Sorry you are having a tough time. I know so many people who have had kids who say the time you are currently living through is the toughest and the world we are currently living in is tough enough for everyone. 

If you can try and focus on some of the positives the main one being it's just a phase and will pass and life won't always feel as tough. It's great that you recognise that it's a tough time for both you and your partner as those who really struggle tend to only see their own struggles so make sure you both take time to have a hug and say this too shall pass when things seem at their worst. 

Finances are a tough one too. If there's any service you have had for a while you can try and call them and see if they can give discounts. I threatened to quit Virgin Media just this morning and they took £30 a month off my bill. I was prepared to move my tv and broadband to Sky if I had to but really quite grateful not to have the hassle. 

Glastonbury is also a tough topic. I saw that you had pulled out of the resale and honestly a tiny part of me was envious that you have made the decision. I know the chance of tickets are quite miniscule this year and that going for them is most likely just adding another upset further down the line so in some ways you have saved yourself that agony. There will be other years and better years.

When your daughter is a teenager and never wants to get out of bed and you have lost your ability to ever have a lie in just console yourself with the fact that you can go in and cry at the end of her bed then to give her a taste of her own medicine. 

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1 hour ago, blutarsky said:

Feels a bit wrong/indulgent to just be popping into this thread for a bit of catharsis, and not checking in any other time, but here goes anyway. 

 

There are many times I've popped into this thread just to write a post about how I'm feeling and just putting it out into the ether does quite often make me feel a little better.  I hope it's maybe helped you a little too. 

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