Overheard Funnies 2022

[benali]

This thread 😂

[nikkic]

Another one the wife remembered……

At The Pyramid a couple were sitting down on an inflatable sofa watching Elbow, when two young lads stood in front of them and blocked their view.

Couple sat down : “Excuse me could you move, you’re blocking our view?”

Lads : “No, this is Glastonbury not DFS!” 

[Scrump]

Some random group at some random time (can't remember where or when!)... One lad says to another "the spiders basically just a really fancy patio heater"

Made me chuckle anyway!

 

 

 

 

[fred quimby]

One chap to another.

"Yes of course you walk slower when you are full of poo"

[fred quimby]

9 hours ago, dj_tim said:

Overheard someone call John Peel "the John Lewis stage".

I heard some say who's John Peel, which I guess is inivitable

[Lucy92]

‘Someone must have a birthday, there’s lots of balloons around’

[deebeedoobee]

 By the long drops “I’m always more regular at Glastonbury “

[Ayrshire Chris]

Even if she dies now surely they can’t cancel it.?  There would be a riot. Overheard in the queue at worthy view . 

[Skelts]

1 hour ago, PollyPeach said:

Fleetmac Wood were.

My overseen rather than overheard was one of the aforementioned chair c**ts sitting in the middle of the Diana ross crowd, with people packed around him, and his phone out watching the bbc2 coverage of... Diana Ross

Some people don’t deserve their ticket!

[Glastowithkids]

Lying In bed on Friday morning and overheard a woman say in an angry voice  "Are you really suggesting I take my coffee to the long drop". 

[evilduck]

Friends heard some girls on Wednesday asking a steward where the nearest bar with aircon was 

[Larraht]

Not so much a word for word conversation but I overheard a steward talking to someone about a live tortoise being handed into one of the gates that she was on duty at and what they might do about this situation! 

[mufcok]

Sunday night outside a urinal

"what so them 2CB pills - you made them at home, using Domestos?'' 

[Jay Pee]

It isn't an overheard funny but on the sleep deprived brain fogged Saturday morning, I put Savlon on my toothbrush by mistake.

I do not recommend trying that at home kids

[irnkrtn]

At TLC by what should be the path. A lad in his 20s walks along and says to me as we make eye contact, "god this crowd is really a lot. I am feeling really panicked". I was in the middle of agreeing and checking he was alright when this woman turned around and went:

"Well if you feel like that, maybe Glastonbury isn't for you?"

As she is saying this really spiteful thing, a drunk lad stumbles and spills his pint on her. She's like "omg you SPILT YOUR PINT".

Another guy goes, "maybe Glastonbury isn't for you".

Glorious!

[The Red Telephone]

Not overheard, but seen. Quite a lot.

Nat has herpes.

[blutarsky]

I was at the gate c lock up on Friday afternoon, having just met my wife who’d arrived on site at the same time as two 18-year-old lads who’d done their final a-level exam that morning. They met up with their parents at the gate. We were behind them in the queue as they checked in 2 crates and then started getting their challenge 21 wristbands. The first realised he’d forgotten his ID, and his parents said it looked like the mate would be buying the drinks. The mate started going through the challenge 21 process and realised not only had he forgotten his ID, but his entire wallet… at which point they had to sheepishly ask if they could check their crates back out 😂 

[Beerqueen]

As I camped close to Gate A in Darble, it was quicker to go out of the gate and use the loos there rather than queue in the field.  On Sunday, as I came back to the gate, I heard one of the day visitors say "Oh my god, there's a massive queue".  Puzzled, I looked towards the entrance.  There must have been about 10 people max at the security desk!

[wro_lap]

12 hours ago, dj_tim said:

Overheard someone call John Peel "the John Lewis stage".

This one is so underrated

[ryyder]

"This is the legendary stone circle" - some lad to his mates on Wednesday morning.

Unfortunately it was just the big rocks in the woods by John peel.

[theciderviking]

When you see a random wasted bloke ask a copper for a lighter to light his joint…and then offer him a toke as thanks, that’s when you know you’re at Glastonbury! 😂

(The offer was politely declined, although he did tell the fella to enjoy, which won him a round of applause 😂)

[clarkete]

Girl 1 "I don't get oats and milk?" 

Girl 2 "what, like porridge?" 

[essjay2009]

Ordering a cocktail at one of the bars in the SEC and the guy behind the bar says "I can't give you a straw, we're not allowed to any more because people keep using them to take drugs" and then deadpan ends with "so you're getting a spoon instead, no one's ever done drugs off a spoon".

[PassingCloud]

26 minutes ago, theciderviking said:

When you see a random wasted bloke ask a copper for a lighter to light his joint…and then offer him a toke as thanks, that’s when you know you’re at Glastonbury! 😂

(The offer was politely declined, although he did tell the fella to enjoy, which won him a round of applause 😂)

I saw a couple sat down at Arcadia in the daytime and I assume they must’ve been skinning up or sorting out their other gear. They looked up as 4 police officers were practically staring down on them. Couple quickly stopped what they were doing and looked very sheepish. Police carried on walking and two of them turned round smiling, and one said several times ‘it’s fine’. Couple still got up and made a sharp exit. 
 

The police at Glastonbury have always been amazing in my experience. 

 

[gfa]

4 hours ago, Lucy92 said:

‘Someone must have a birthday, there’s lots of balloons around’

One of my group always says this, countless times over the weekend (mostly in the SE)