singles thread

[Katster]

Sure - but for most people it is exceedingly uncomfortable to make that conscious challenge.

Hence Sifi saying he'd almost certainly thump anyone who bedded his wife - which I agree fully is the "usual" reaction, because it would hurt, would feel like a snub, a betrayal, whatever.

[sifi]

I wasn't offering!!

[sifi]

I asked how you'd feel about it....

[Radar]

I personally wouldn't have much problem with the person they'd slept with. Mr Cheese would get it in the knackers though, and then I'd probably sob my heart out.

[Katster]

As furious as if it was a man.

[Radar]

Radar - thumping?

[sifi]

You said you'd resort to violence. I admit I took a slight liberty with what you said - you might have meant you'd punch a wall or something instead of the man who had bedded your wife... I do not know.

Edited April 22, 2009 by sifimaster

[Katster]

That's interesting in itself.

I think I'd have a problem with both - but being a man I wouldn't strike a woman, even I had just walked in on her screaming some other guy's name as he thrust against her. Or so I hope!!!

[Goblinz]

Open relationships generally don't work because people are insecure. There's always the fear of your partner finding they enjoy being with somebody else more. I guess that does come down to sex though as somebody mentioned previously, you can have all the other things of a relationship with somebody who is just a close friend, but even then people's insecurities often step in.

[Radar]

So, erm, as I said... emotive issue... think I might avoid causing any further aneurysms...

[worm]

Sure - but for most people it is exceedingly uncomfortable to make that conscious challenge.

Edited April 22, 2009 by worm

[worm]

Open relationships generally don't work because people are insecure.

[feral chile]

But why should you expect that partner to be solely "your" partner? I really do think it does go back to concepts of ownership, property even - and that could be argued as being pretty dodgy.

Bless him, but that didn't mean "I don't mind you shagging other guys" - did it?

[feral chile]

Yes. So there we have it. Not enough people challenging or capable of challenging their sub-conscious results in much conventional male/female behaviour, such is with marriage and fidelity.

I blame the newspapers and such like for this though. f**k all natural about it. It's just that conservative notions of sexuality are protected by our culture.

[worm]

How can anyone challenge their subconscious? By definition they're not conscious of it.

[worm]

I think infidelity produces a more primal reaction

[feral chile]

How can a reaction be primal? Do you mean cause a primal instinct. The reaction is always contemporary.

Edited April 22, 2009 by feral chile

[feral chile]

I can't believe a psyche major has asked that question.

Edited April 22, 2009 by feral chile

[worm]

an emotional reaction to a stimulus (cheating partner) that is primal in origin.

I don't know if that makes sense. It depends whether territorialism (or love) can be thought of as a primal instinct

[worm]

would you like to expand on that then?

My stance on this is that psychotherapy tries to dictate what a person's problem 'really' is. It's totally unscientific.

[feral chile]

Much like what you're saying about the underlying reason for people's sexual behaviour.

I concur. There's only the conscious. We may well have a sub-conscious, I'm sure we do, but no one has access to it. Even when we talk about it, we're talking consciously. Same with diagnosis.

[worm]

oh I'm just playing devil's advocate here - I don't think it's possible to determine what's instinctive or learned because you can never have one without the other. I just wondered what people thought.

If infidelity causes pain, what difference does it make if that's some sort of primitive emotion or a result of our concept of ownership?

Pain is pain. It's as if we're trying to rationalise it out of existence.

Edited April 22, 2009 by worm

[feral chile]

Pain isn't just pain. You have no idea that what I feel is the same as what you feel. All we have to go by is response and language. Take the masochist for example.

You may call the feeling pain, I may call it spinning dizzy on a razors edge. You may respond by looking morbid, I may respond by talking crap over efestivals for the last 3 years. Get the picture?

Edited April 22, 2009 by feral chile

[worm]

Presumably not all pain

Edited April 22, 2009 by worm

[worm]

Though I take your point that we can never know for sure what someone else calls pain, or any other emotion for that matter. We can only generalise from the situation and what we'd feel in that situation

Edited April 22, 2009 by worm