singles thread

[sifi]

No. For the exclusive intimacy.

[worm]

People don't get married solely for exclusive intmacy. They get married to have a really big party and to celebrate their love with all their family and friends.

I wouldn't say my intimacy was any more or less exclusive prior to my marriage as it is afterwards.

[Katster]

Ah well, Katster doesn't comply with any sweeping generalisations, I realise that

Nonetheless it is frequently stated by both men and women, of all sexual orientations, that the idea of being with only one person causes them a certain "pause for thought" at the very least.

For the record, I suspect I might be entirely satisfied by one person for the rest of my life too - but then again, I've not been married for 20 years in order to find out whether I might get bored (sexually)

[Radar]

The longest relationship I've had was for just less than 8 years. The sex was still getting better in my opinion.

I don't know why so many people have a problem with being with the same person. Sex with someone you really know is generally far far far far better than sex with a stranger. Not always, but usually.

[sifi]

It didn't even really occur to me to think of it as as giving up or missing out on something.

It still doesn't either.

[Goblinz]

Over complicate? I was giving you the answer. Here, I'll spell it out..................

The goal of an open relationship is not the same as the goal of a closed relationship. One doesn't really have a goal, whereas the other is intended to last. Therefore, you can't really measure the success of an open relationship.

[Radar]

It didn't even really occur to me to think of it as as giving up or missing out on something.

It still doesn't either.

[sifi]

another couple share the same bed with other people, usually quite a few at the same time.

[sifi]

Bully for you. Maybe everything I've said in these last few pages is wrong, or a misapprehension based on skewed evidence!

[Katster]

is in fact a huge commitment whether you accept that argument or not.

[rabid]

On the plus side, she did make me some really nice veal shanks for my tea to cheer me up a bit.

[Katster]

Err, how can you say what the goal of somebody elses relationship is?

[Katster]

Or maybe people shouldn't be in such a rush to settle down with just anyone because of the wrong reasons - those reasons being fear of being alone?

[Radar]

Or maybe people shouldn't be in such a rush to settle down with just anyone because of the wrong reasons - those reasons being fear of being alone?

[Peevis]

The thing that gets me in the assumed and inherent superiority of the "in love" position. Sure being in love is nice, and can make you feel good, but then so do a great many things. It can also make you feel like life has chewed you up and pooed you out. Again, like many things.

I'm not saying a relationship is a bad thing, I'm just saying it's no better or worse than being on your own. It's not necessarily you lot, although the smugness does ooze through the monitor from some of you, but people generally. Way much too much empahsis is put on finding your partner. Many people are made to feel inferior for having the taste and class not to cling blindly to the first person who shows them a bit of attention. Even intellegent people I know seem to get confused and deperate for this mythical feeling. I'm not saying it can't be good, or that it doesn't exist. I am saying that creating a situation where people are make to feel stupid and a lesser person for not being coupled leads to people taking on bad relationships and leading lives that could be so much happier if they were allowed to feel that being on their own was a legitimate choice. This leads to alsorts of problems. Divorce, domestic abuse and unwanted childen for starters. So hard is the lesson that you are alright on your own too.

Life is good, life is bad. Being in love doesn't alter that fact. The desperate will remain so, even when they are in love. Self contentment should be your goal, 'cos without it you are f**ked.. even if you do pull Brad Pitt (ask poor Jennifer!).

peace, love and independence.. but not always in that order.

[Goblinz]

Breakfast the next morning must be difficult.

[worm]

Err, how can you say what the goal of somebody elses relationship is?

Edited April 23, 2009 by worm

[worm]

Not had any problems yet, I always make a good Breakfast.

[sifi]

Not had any problems yet, I always make a good Breakfast.

[sifi]

Furthermore, how the hell do you know if someone is "right" - saying "you just know" is not an answer as I've certainly felt that with people before, with whom it did not work out.

[Peevis]

If the answer to the question "Would you take a bullet for this person?" is "Yes", then they are right

[worm]

If the answer to the question "Would you take a bullet for this person?" is "Yes", then they are right

[Goblinz]

It was you that was doing that by judging the success of each type of relationship on the basis of the same goal. That's why I said 'it depends upon what you call ''want''. That was the whole point of my 'over complicated' question.

By saying that there isn't really a goal in an open relationship I'm showing that the goal is up to the individuals as they aren't sharing one. In a closed relationship, they are. The goal of exclusive sex, if nothing else. If that exclusion is broken, then the goal has failed.

You can't judge success in the same way. What is 'wanted' is inherently different in each case.

[sifi]

It's a throwaway line that suggests that you'd rather be dead than live without that individual.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

I prefer a good orgasm, personally. Or cheese on toast.