singles thread

[funkymunkey]

Today would have been our 4th anniversary. I snapped on Sunday.

Things were relatively amicable last week. Talked a bit about the flat and what we were going to do, all very civil, and arranged some viewings for letting agents and estate agents.

A letter came for her on Friday. I thought it might be about a job she was waiting for so I called her. It wasn't about the job, but we talked for about an hour, analysing what happened in our relationship and what we were both doing jobwise and stuff like that. She told me that the interview went so badly there was no chance she'd get the job. During this time she told me a story about her parents splitting up for a year when they were engaged and getting back together. There really was no need to tell me that. I asked her if she missed me and she said of course she did. It ended amicably, saying that we'd see each other monday for the lettings agent and to have a nice weekend.

Saturday morning the letter arrived. It was first class from the university she'd applied for. I called her up and she asked me to open it. She'd got it. Neither of us thought she had a hope in hell. I told her congratulations and told her that if she wanted to pick it up she should do well before four as my parents were coming, or after five when we'd have gone out. She turned up an hour later at just after midday. She asked if she could use my laptop, but she couldn't work it properly so I did that for her. Then I put my arm round her and she put her head on my chest and talked for a little bit. She said it was so sad that things had turned out like they had.

I wanted to get out of the flat and suggested a game of pool. We played pool and had a couple of drinks. Sat outside smoking she was touching my stomach and my arms (always her favourite parts of my body) and asking if I'd been working out. We started getting really emotional and I asked her for a hug. Whilst we were hugging we were stroking each other and rubbing our faces next to each other for about five minutes or so. Then she gets up and walks back in for another drink. We go back inside and are sat on a seat with our hands interlocked and she starts talking about loads of really good memories.She then said that she couldn't believe I still either cared or loved her (I can't remember) after everything she'd done. I pulled her up to sit on me when she started crying again. I went to kiss her and she pulled away and went to the toilet. She came back and said she wanted to play on the quiz machine. We went to the quiz machine and I had my arms round her and we were laughing and joking about. I had to go back to the flat before my parents came round so we went home. I gave her a piggy back some of the way and she was holding on to me and had her face next to mine. When we got back to the flat she put on a CD and started dancing around a bit. She sat down and I asked her to come closer. She resisted a little but then did it. We were lying down sort of dancing on the sofa. She then tells me that she was meant to be meeting him tonight, but really wanted to go out with a big group of mates. I told her I had guestlists for somewhere that night if she fancied it. She said it probably wasn't a good idea, and just wanted to see mates. I said that I had no problem with her seeing mutual mates so she texted a few mutual mates she hasn't seen since it all kicked off. They agreed to meet up. Said goodbye and would see her on monday.

I went into town with one of the guys she went out with last night. Turns out she went to the same place that I had guestlists for (thankfully I was knackered after my parents left and didn't go), with a few mutual mates and him. I just felt like it was another kick in the teeth. She'd made me think she just wanted a night out with no romantic interest, but actually just wanted our mates to verify their relationship, manipulating both them and me, by getting my blessing to see them.

I called her up, got her to meet me in town and then told her how much her behaviour over the last few weeks was really hurting me. She wouldn't accept any responsibility or apologise for making me feel like that. Anyway I flipped and threw a drink over her. Not proud of losing it, but I couldn't take her sat there like butter wouldn't melt.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

I think you can clearly see the situation now.

Just leave it there. Anger and resentment are fixed by time. Now is the time to walk away..

[funkymunkey]

I think you can clearly see the situation now.

Just leave it there. Anger and resentment are fixed by time. Now is the time to walk away..

[dakyras]

Yeah I know. The only problem is the flat. We have to sort that out, although I'm living in it at the moment...

[Rufus Gwertigan]

Yeah I know. The only problem is the flat. We have to sort that out, although I'm living in it at the moment...

[Goblinz]

WTF are you doing Munkey?

You've split up, she's done the dirty on you with you best mate... Is there really much more to it than that?

If you see each other socially at the moment then of course things are going to get awkward... Try to stay clear unless you have to (sorting the flat out, etc).

Maybe in time you guys will get on again, but at the moment it's just going to cause pain.

[Peevis]

WTF are you doing Munkey?

[Katster]

I had a drink poured over me once (I genuinely had done nothing wrong....unless talking to friends on the phone whilst your fella is busy on the decks is doing something wrong).

Fastest way to lose an argument if you ask me. I laughed in his face and I knew from that instant it was over. Anyone who could do that to me didn't love me, and definately didn't have any respect for me whatsoever.

You need to walk away munky. For your own sanity and for hers.

[Radar]

I know I shouldn't joke but - waste of good beer too

Agree with the comments above entirely FM. If she tries being all sweet with you again - remember the pattern and don't fall for it. Try to be civil but not matey - in order to get through this business bit of sorting the flat. After that avoid her until you're over it all.

[Katster]

I found it quite therapeutic to not respond to texts straight away. You can watch their emotions unfold before your very eyes.....they go from being sorry, to concerned, to angry, to sorry, to angry and right back to sorry all in the space of a few hours. It kind of gave me a better perspective on things.

[Radar]

I found it quite therapeutic to not respond to texts straight away. You can watch their emotions unfold before your very eyes.....they go from being sorry, to concerned, to angry, to sorry, to angry and right back to sorry all in the space of a few hours. It kind of gave me a better perspective on things.

[Katster]

You evil woman!

[Peevis]

What's evil about that?

[Radar]

What's evil about that?

[Rufus Gwertigan]

You evil woman!

[Peevis]

Problem is, lots of chaps grow up with rather "romantic" stories. We've all got an Uncle who found your Aunt via a process of stalking and grinding her down. I know I do. Some chaps seem to find that kind of chase romantic, when in actual fact they come across as stalky nutters. Girls don't like it either, in truth, now we are in a society where they are a little more free to choose anyway is all round a bit of a bad move!

You must know that the sexy lurve type thing happens, quick and obvious, or it just doesn't happen at all.

[Radar]

I wouldn't say so really. Better than engaging in my view.

[Peevis]

Well as so often I seem to be in a minority of one

BUT

Deliberately ignoring somebody, when you know they are longing to hear from you, is mental cruelty as far as I'm concerned.

[Radar]

Not as cruel as leading them on, Sir...

[Rufus Gwertigan]

Well as so often I seem to be in a minority of one

BUT

Deliberately ignoring somebody, when you know they are longing to hear from you, is mental cruelty as far as I'm concerned.

OBVIOUSLY it is different in certain situations (if you've been harassed or threatened by a partner or whatever) but in general my point stands.

[Radar]

No at the end of the day you have to look after number one mate, often replying feeds into their issues and insecurities, not yours.

Now I have done my fair share of harassment about 4 years ago, when she got the kids as well, so it understandable she don't talk to me.

What the f**k am I doing giving an opinion, I'm a dick

[Peevis]

a vegan nun who has taken a vow of silence

[Rufus Gwertigan]

Ah yes, look after number one - why would you give a flying f**k about "number two" - who is/was your partner?! No wonder so many relationships fail...

I'm sure that was a very complicated and stressful period tho fella and though it's probably little consolation I for one can understand you losing it a bit - there should be sympathy for both wronged parties (her being harassed, but also you being at your wits' end).

Surely not dude. You may have done dickish things but you're generally sound, as I've said before "only a vegan nun who has taken a vow of silence lives without ever hurting anyone"

[Radar]

She don't sound likely to call you when you are in a tiz either though, Dude!

[Katster]

Radar> You shouldn't make comments like that on things which you know nothing about.

Being with him was an emotional rollercoaster, one day he loved me like no other, the next day I was frightened he was going to hit me.

When I left my phone at home one day (accidently I might add!) and I returned to find a whole barrage of texts, ranging from the emotions I listed to more (I think there were around 17 texts in total) it kind of made me see things in a different way.

I didn't do it on purpose in order to watch him suffer.