singles thread

[Peevis]

Yes, very good...!

Hmmm. I suppose it depends on people's use of text messages. Drunk texting is of course never wise, but yet again was not a variable I was considering - as I try to avoid that at all costs.

Drunk phonecalls? Drunk house visits? Imagine!!

[Katster]

I am not talking about no dialogue, but dialogue via text message, as to what Katster was referring. Many of these are inevitably done drunk or without much though. Thats were I believe it is best to step away.

[Katster]

Point is, sometimes saying nothing can be best.. Even Ronan Keating knows that!!

Sometimes couples get to the point that the issue is not what's being said, but who's saying it. Auwful bloody place to be that is.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

Yes, very good...!

Hmmm. I suppose it depends on people's use of text messages. Drunk texting is of course never wise, but yet again was not a variable I was considering - as I try to avoid that at all costs.

Drunk phonecalls? Drunk house visits? Imagine!!

[Peevis]

This is exactly the point I was trying to make.

I loved my ex and I have no doubts in my mind that he loved me. However, I realised we were bad news for each other and I walked away. I had to be cruel to be kind.

[Katster]

It's not cruel, any more than a surgeon cutting out cancer is stabbing you!!!

if someone is FUBARed over you, then the best and kindest thing you can do is ignore them if you don't feel the same. It's the quickest to their happiness. You may upset them by ignoring them, for sure, but you hurt them by maintaining contact.

[Goblinz]

It's not cruel, any more than a surgeon cutting out cancer is stabbing you!!!

if someone is FUBARed over you, then the best and kindest thing you can do is ignore them if you don't feel the same. It's the quickest to their happiness. You may upset them by ignoring them, for sure, but you hurt them by maintaining contact.

[Peevis]

And what's wrong with a text explaining that you don't feel that way... Nothing wrong with spelling it out and leaving it at that, can save a lot of problems and heartache.

[Radar]

Radar> You shouldn't make comments like that on things which you know nothing about.

I was frightened he was going to hit me.

I returned to find a whole barrage of texts, ranging from the emotions I listed to more (I think there were around 17 texts in total) it kind of made me see things in a different way.

I didn't do it on purpose in order to watch him suffer.

[Katster]

And what's wrong with a text explaining that you don't feel that way... Nothing wrong with spelling it out and leaving it at that, can save a lot of problems and heartache.

[Radar]

And what's wrong with a text explaining that you don't feel that way... Nothing wrong with spelling it out and leaving it at that, can save a lot of problems and heartache.

[Katster]

The problem is, we both spoke from (different) individual experiences to make generalisations. I was not trying to comment on any specific relationship of yours.

Yes I was aware you'd had a bad relationship like that and I am sure I have sympathised before, however as I say that takes nothing away from my comments in a more blameless situation.

Yes 17 are an awful lot and yes I can see you would have thought "freak"

Glad to hear it - however I thought that your advice was more ambiguous and could be interpreted as I did.

I disagree.

Again without talking about your specific experience, GENERALLY the suggestion that it is even possible to be "cruel to be kind" is such a pile of paradoxical bullshit. Excuse my strong feelings on that matter.

It doesn't seem fair to me to ignore someone who wants/needs to talk to you.

As I said, it is undeniably mental cruelty to ignore a distraught partner who just wants to talk things through.

[funkymunkey]

I reckon no contact is sometimes the only way. When all's ben said and done, keeping the lines of communication open can just lead to mixed messages and false hope, which is even more crushing than the situation.

[Peevis]

I reckon no contact is sometimes the only way. When all's ben said and done, keeping the lines of communication open can just lead to mixed messages and false hope, which is even more crushing than the situation.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

It doesn't seem fair to me to ignore someone who wants/needs to talk to you.

As I said, it is undeniably mental cruelty to ignore a distraught partner who just wants to talk things through.

[Katster]

or you could take Radars advice and ask her to explain over and over and over why, how, where and exactly when it all went wrong.

I wouldn't if I were you though. Feck off out of it, doink some randoms and be grateful you are a chap and therfore not destined to be manky at 30!

Sorry! I'm a lovely man. No, really!

[Radar]

Sorry Radar, but this is yet another thing we will never agree on. I've been there and I HATE that he made me be a bitch, but I had to be. End of.

[sifi]

So I only have 1 year and 4 months left of looking this good? Bummer.

[Peevis]

I'm not saying anything about your particular situation. I was trying all along to talk generally.

I did not suggest that... Just saying that dialogue is often a good thing. Probably not in Funkymunky's case, he needs space. However I'd say his situation was already clear. FFS you don't half misrepresent me you sod...

I pity the woman who marries you Peevis

Edited April 29, 2009 by Peevis

[Goblinz]

Nothing, until you get one back asking why (even though you just explained it in the text) so you explain again and you are then called names and told to grow up, then you get one straight after that saying they are sorry and they didn't mean to send that they are just angry and they ask you why again.

Do you see the pattern emerging?

Can you understand why it sometimes takes breaking all contact in order to stop you both ending up going insane in the membrane?

[Katster]

I'm not saying anything about your particular situation. I was trying all along to talk generally.

[Katster]

Which is why they need to be told straight... IE... I'm Not interested, stop texting. Well, maybe, not quite like that but that's the general jist.

[Radar]

and what if there is nothing to talk through? One side may bugger off, and doesn't want to know yet the other wants to talk and get some resolution. Surely if the buggerer offer starts talking that is just prolonging things, and maybe doing it to just make themselves better. That to me is disingenous.

At what point do you stop talking?

My only experience as well is not from the cold hearted context that you are making me sound, but from the other side when I have wanted to talk etc. the distraught partner so to speak. Often words only make things worse.

[sadwitch]

I agree with Radar that just ignoring someone in the hope they'll get the message that you're not interested is quite pathetic but I also agree that once you've talked about it and made this clear then not responding is probably for the best.

I don't think you have to be cruel to be kind but you might have to be blunt.

And of course sometimes you "NEED" to talk to someone rather than just want to.

[Rufus Gwertigan]

Of course the problem with my lovely fair perspective is that in practice the world is full of f**kers like Kat's ex, certain exes of mine and (*sub iudice* maybe better not say owt about your ex Ruf'.)